Into The Hills
by dont-let-him-take-you-from-me
Summary: Elena is leading an unhappy soccer mom life and is desperately searching for ways to escape it, finding it in drugs. Stefan, the new drug dealer just arrived in town, running away from his dark past. When their paths cross will they find what they are searching for in each other? AU/AH.
1. Chapter 1

**This a story I have been working on for quiet awhile now. Please let me know if you enjoy it, or want more. Review and Rate? Please with sugar on top :) you guys rock!**

 **Stefan**

I take another hit of my weed, sitting back on my red lounge chair, business had been slow this week and I'm very curious as to why.

I had just moved to this boring town, Mystic Falls, they call it. I'm not sure why because there isn't much to do here. Virginia is a lonely place.

I blow the smoke out in little breaths, watching it float up into the air and evaporate. The reason I had moved was because a buddy of mine was going back to California to reclaim his turf for drug sales.

Naturally, he knew I was still dealing so he called me asking me if I want a job in this cruddy old town. At first, I was reluctant but when he told me how much he made, I packed my bags from L.A and headed down here.

L.A has a lot more entertainment then this town, but it's nice. The cops don't care if you sell, because it's so small, no one's going to know you push drugs, no one cares either, the last news to ever come about this town was some old factory has burned down ten years ago. Other then that news was quiet around this city, gossip however wasn't.

Gossip was the heart of this town, people talking shit about people, getting into others business, I mean what did you expect this is the south.

The only thing good about selling here is the numbers come up in great masses, once every one in the town knows you deal, you get customer's coming from the town next to you, to get some of this action. And it's amazing because even the perfect, social elite soccer mom's want a piece of what you have. And their willing to pay through the nose to get it.

I lean back on my chair, smiling, suddenly I hear a knock on my loft door, the place I live at is huge, a king sized bed, a lounge chair, granite kitchen counter tops, your typical movie drug dealer suite.

I get up, stamping out the last of my joint, I throw on a white t-shirt, fixing my hair.

There's another knock and I roll my eyes annoyed, sometimes my customer's were antsy for their next fix and it was annoying.

I slide out the wooden beam, sliding the metal door open.

My breath catches in my throat.

I see the one person I could very well live without, my brother, Damon.

He's standing there in a black suit, his shoes shined to perfection, his black hair jelled, he looks like your typical douche lawyer, he also holds a brief case.

I cross my arms, still standing in the door way, glaring at him.

"What a nice surprise." I say with a deep hint of sarcasm.

Because it wasn't nice, I didn't need him to be here.

Yes he was my brother, but he was always a pain in my ass.

I'm doing great without him.

I curse my friend, Tom who sold this place to me, he must have told on me, that asshole.

"Hello brother." His deep voice says, and he's so polite and formal to me and I just want to punch him in his stuck up face, I raise my eyebrows at him, a smirk on my lips.

"How did you find me?" I question, curious and he licks his lips in nervousness.

I wait for him to answer, not paying attention to his nervous habits.

Damon was always so nervous, always afraid to take life where he wanted, he never wanted to disappoint our mom and dad, he was always the perfect student, always knowing what he wanted to do, always had a plan. And here I was a drug dealer, who took life as it was everyday, who didn't give a fuck who loved or hated him. I didn't need his pathetic lectures.

"Tom." He says.

I curse under my breath, that son of a bitch.

"Of course." I mutter, sighing, Damon's face begins to blur and his voice sounds less annoying. I smile, knowing my buzz has finally kicked in and I didn't need Damon here to ruin it.

"How you been Stefan?" He asks me, his blue eyes raking over my appearance.

I uncross my arms, shrugging my shoulders, I didn't care what he thought of me, he could call me the most disgusting person on earth and I would just laugh at his face, at this point.

"Can't complain." I say, chuckling softly.

He glances at me, studying my eyes.

"You're high aren't you?" His voice sounds like disappointment but I shrug it off.

"Maybe." I say, moving away from the door, he follows me inside, sighing, running his hand through his hair, another nervous habit of his.

"Look, I don't need a lecture, if you're going to give me one, I suggest you get the fuck out." I say coldly, not even giving him a glance.

"Stefan, I just care about-." He starts to say.

But I whirl around, getting into his face.

"Oh yeah, you care about me? Huh? But where were you Damon, everything went to shit and you just left me." I laugh, feeling my buzz getting killed, I was going to kill my brother if he didn't get out of my face, that's for sure.

Damon and I hadn't always been so cold towards another, we used to be real brothers, telling each other everything, until the day our dad came home and found me with weed, I started smoking earlier then 19, I actually used to be like Damon, used to care what people thought, kind of the keeping up with appearances kind of guy. I graduated with honors, at the top of my class, could of easily made it into a any school of my choice, but one day I woke up and realized that all this didn't matter, so what? You have honors, but everyone dies, I'd rather be this person. So, I starting using, I was into big drugs, cocaine, heroin, you name it I've probably done it. My parents didn't know though, so on the particular day I had some strong weed, we're talking knock you out in two hits type of drug. I remember I had just gotten home from work, interning in my dad's office, and I decided to roll a joint in secret of my room, I got a good hit too when my dad walked in out of nowhere.

Long story short, our dad kicked me out, threw all my shit down the stairs of our luxurious apartment.

And what did Damon do?

He didn't do shit, so I left, swore off my entire family, moved in with my friend Tom, piggybacked off his business a bit, he taught me the ropes of a drug dealer, you think being a drug dealer is easy? No, it's just like school, you gotta learn conversions, money value, you have to have a plan for your supply, I guess it's easier then making that shit, but I could never do that.

Damon faces me now, his face winced in pain.

"Stefan, it's called tough love." He says but I wave my hand at him, forcing a laugh.

Tough love? What kind of bull shit is that?

"I guess blood isn't thicker then water." I sneer, watching his face fall.

"What are you even doing here?" I question, looking at him.

Last time I heard he was in his own business, working in L.A, following in the footsteps of my father.

"They transferred me down here, thirty minutes away, I'm looking at apartments." He says, sitting down on the chair next to me.

I feel my blood boil again at his last comment.

He was looking for an apartment so he could watch over me?

I didn't need his help.

"I don't need your help." I say in an disdain tone, standing up.

"Stefan, please just listen." He says, putting a hand on my shoulder, but I instantly shrug it off.

"Damon, just please leave." I whisper, grabbing a bag of weed from under my bed.

"Stefan, don't." He says, and he actually tries to grab the weed from my hand. And then just angers me more, as my hands ball over the dime bag to get him from snatching away my weed, he had no right to judge me like this.

"Get the fuck out!" I yell, and he winces, I feel a certain sadness in the pit of my stomach as I watch him pull his hand back.

"I'll text you with my address." He says, and I scoff at him. I didn't want to know his address, I didn't want him in my life, I just wanted him to get out so I could breathe again. His presence in this room reminded me of my father, and that's the only person I hate more then Damon.

"I'll make sure to not see you, again." I say, waving him off, as I grab a pinch of weed, putting it on the paper.

He sinks back in disappointment, and I watch as he picks up his brief case again, I see him glance my way with a shake of his head as he shuts the door.

I study the weed I'm rolling, anger boiling inside me.

He had no right to come back here and say those things he said.

I lick the paper and form my makeshift joint, picking it up.

I find the green lighter on the wooden table, lighting it up.

I inhale the joint, closing my eyes and let the weed chase all my blues away.

 _ **Elena**_

I drag my butt out of bed, 6 A.M came to soon on some days. I look over and see my husband fast asleep, I roll my eyes and throw on my robe, heading to our bathroom. I had to get our littlest one up for school today, his first day of fifth grade boy, do they grow up fast.

I look in the mirror, my olive skin reflecting of it, I smile at myself, I look like your typical trophy wife, long brown hair, brown eyes, high cheek bones, unblemished skin.

I've always been told men would die for a wife like you, the way you look. I didn't believe them until I met Matt, blonde hair, blue eyes. He was your typical baseball cap wearing, dip spitting, football playing ,American boy. All the girl's wanted him in our college but I was the one he was always fascinated with.

So, we got married out of college, I studied English as my major and he went to the cop academy.

Now at 30, a proud part of the neighborhood watch group, head soccer mom, and very involved with my child's PTA. You'd think I'd love what I'm doing here, I'd really love my life, but I didn't. I have a dark secret, I occasionally pop prescription pills, I'm very tight with our town's drug dealer, Tom. And my husband doesn't even know I do this. It first happened at an early age, 21. Trying to ace all my exams I picked up Valium and other prescription drugs to calm myself down after exams, unfortunately, I got addicted to that feeling.

I quickly brush my teeth, checking the clock over the our cabinet, shit, he was supposed to be out of bed five minutes ago, actually. I pull up my hair in a long pony tail and check the cabinet for my secret pills, though Tom had made them legitimately in my name, I tried to hide them from Jackson, I never wanted him to know I did this, it would destroy our relationship. I grab the capsule and open it, seeing I have one left. I put the white pill back in the yellow capsule and shove it back in the cabinet.

"That's not enough for today." I mumble, thinking of my crazy schedule, I had to rush Jackson to school, get back in time for the pool cleaner to get here, run the snacks over for his soccer tournament this afternoon.

I sigh deeply, trying to calm myself down while grabbing my phone from the bathroom counter and and texting my friend Caroline, she's not into 'scripts, she prefers more recreational drugs.

"Hey, do you know where Tom is, he hasn't replied to any of my texts and I'm low again."

I re read the text and add a sad emoji, closing my bathroom cabinet.

Suddenly, I feel a pair of strong arms around me waist, I jump a little out of surprise.

"Good morning, babe." Matt whispers in my ear, trailing kisses down it.

I barely feel a tingle at this, but I fake a moan, leaning my head back.

I feel him smile against my skin.

It's not that Matt and I were never passionate, I mean we have a kid for God's sake, it's just.. we haven't done anything in awhile, and mostly it's my fault because I'm so busy with all my crazy activities but I just have no desire to get into bed with my husband, anymore.

"I got to go get Jackson up." I say, my voice out of breath, not because this is simulating pleasure, but because I'm feeling my withdraws kicking back in. Whenever I went through withdraws, they'd kill me until I'd get more, I'd become unfocused and depressed looking for that next pick-me-up, it was a vicious cycle, but once I got more then I was fine.

"Alright." Matt, finally says, pecking my neck and I leave the bathroom, not even looking back.

I tighten my robe and walk down to our son's room.

"Jackson, hey buddy." I walk into his room to see him under his blankets, his foot sticking out, I smile and sit down on his bed.

"Hey, time to wake up!" I yell, smiling as I lift the covers from his body, I see he wore his star war's pajamas as I ruffle his dirty blonde hair between my fingers.

"Mom." He moans, moving his head from side to side.

"Five more minutes." He mumbles, his dark eyelashes fluttering open.

He groans and yawns, his blue eyes staring into mine.

"Good morning, buddy." I smile, looking down at him, he was a handsome kid, with his dirty blond hair, and blue eyes, he was definitely going to be a lady killer.

"Alright, what do you want for breakfast?" I ask, and I laugh as he sits up.

"Pancakes." He grins, I always knew the way to my kid's heart: Food.

"Alright, but go get ready for school." I scold him, smiling as I exit his room, going down the long hallway to the kitchen.

I grab the pancake batter I left in the fridge and turn on the grittle, putting the batter on there.

Matt comes out of our room dressed in his police uniform, I barely glance at him as he kisses the side of my head.

I hand him his morning coffee and offer him a small smile.

"I love you." He whispers, taking the cup from me.

"I love you, too." I nod my head, smiling.

I did love him, just not as much as I did when we first married, he is a great father to Jackson.. and I'm grateful for that. He is the Captain of our police department, a great guy. But I can't explain it, ever since he's been working so much, we lost the passion that our marriage was built on.

I shake my head of these thoughts, as I watch Matt leave with his mug, Jackson comes through the kitchen door, and Matt ruffles his hair, and I smile at the two of them. Jackson as his looks, that's for sure, there was no denying Jackson wasn't his. But he had more my personality and out look on life. He strives to be the best, always the top of his class, even if he is just in 5th grade. Part of the honor's program at the school, very involved in sports.

My phone buzzes from the counter and I pick it up, unlocking it.

Jackson sits down with his wet hair and sports shirt and pants on, his eyes are huge saucer's at the pancakes I just made.

I laugh and set some on a plate for him, going to the fridge and gets his syrup and butter.

"Eat up, we're gonna be late." I warn, pointing a finger at him, he nods and starts cutting into the pancakes.

"Thanks mom." He mumbles in between his first bite. I smile at him and nod and look down at my phone again, unlocking it.

"There's a new guy.. just met up with him yesterday, names Stefan Salvatore, pretty chill guy, knew Tom personally.. here's his address:

462 Wallnut Grove.

I scan over the map's in my head, that was the old loft up next to the bar.

I better make a stop there after I drop Jackson off at school.

I look down at the clock and see Jackson is already out the door, backpack in hand.

I laugh and get into the car in my robe, I could change later, and it wasn't like I was going to be seen out in public in it.

I drive Jackson to school and kiss his head, he wipes it off and I laugh.

He waves bye to me as he quickly rushes to school, and I watch him, smiling.

I drive back to the house in a quick pace, I had thirty minutes to get my drugs and then be back.

I curse silently and run to my room, throwing on some yoga pants and a tank top, I take my hair out of the pony tail it was in, and brush it.

I look into the mirror and quickly apply my makeup, smiling my best housewife smile.

I grab my keys from the counter and the money from my purse, stuffing it into the pockets of my yoga pants, I throw on my sneakers and jog to the car, getting in.

I put the address in my gps and drive there in record time.

"This guy better be fast." I mumble, parking in the abandoned parking lot.

I get out of the car, locking the door as I head to the loft on the right of the bar I used to bar tend at, to pay for school.

I knock on the loft door, tapping my foot against the concrete.

"Hold on!" A voice yells, and I roll my eyes, checking the watch on my hand.

I had twenty minutes to get back to the my house and he wasn't going any faster.

I bang on the door again, feeling annoyance creep under my skin.

"Wait a fucking minute." The voice says, and I scowl, crossing my arms over my chest.

I wait for what seems like five minutes, but I'm sure it's only been two.

Someone slides open the door, and I lose my breath, forgetting about the annoyance I had just harbored not even two minutes ago.

The guy standing in front of me look so young, and he is shirtless, his abs look painted on, his sweat pants are riding low, and his hair is dirty blonde, long, but not too long, it falls over his eyes a little, making him look a mysterious stranger, his green eyes, show impatience as he looks at me, a smirk forming his pink lips. He looks like one of those A&F models!

He raises an eyebrow at me, waiting for me to speak.

I shake my head out of my daze, looking at him.

"Are you Stefan?" I ask, squinting my eyes at him.

"Who's asking?" He says, looking around me to see If I have been followed.

"I.. I used to get drugs from Tom, but I heard you took over the business." I feel my cheeks, heating up, what was going on with me? I think I was having some really bad withdraws from Valium.

"Yeah, so?" He asks, looking at me.

"So, do you have Valium?" I ask, my voice sounds low against my own ears, why was I so nervous? This guy was obviously younger then me. There is nothing I could be afraid of about him, although, he did look a little broody.

"Uh yeah, let me check, got time to come in?" He asks, his voice sounds so deep and masculine.

"Uh, sure." I say, stepping over the line and following him inside.

"You can sit on the couch.." He trails off, looking at me, I notice his eyes scanning my body and I feel my cheeks heat up again, as I sit down, looking around.

His loft is huge, he has tons of posters, mostly of rockbands I never heard of, I notice he has a vinyl record player in the corner, his Mac sits in the corner on a wooden table, he has a bar across the room, bar stools, and the most liquor I've seen in my life, it's a real bachelor pad.

He bends down, and sorts through the boxes, and I watch as the back of his arms flex, I look away, feeling myself blush.

"So, you live here?" He asks,trying to start small talk with me, while he sorts through the brown boxes.

I look down at my feet and then up again to see him looking at me, his green eyes staring into mine, I look up at him, giving him a small smile.

"Uh yeah.." I say, looking at him, he nods, going back to the boxes.

"Nice town." He comments, and I nod.

"Yeah.." I trail off, feeling like an idiot, he was obviously trying to flirt with me but I felt my tongue turn to sand paper, I had been out of the game so long, I look away again.

And he smirks in my direction.

"Am I making you uncomfortable or something?" He asks, standing up, the baggie of white pills in his large hand.

I swallow, forcing myself to look at him.

"No, I'm just going through withdraws." I say, and I felt bad for lying because that was partly the truth.

He nods in understanding, sitting down next to me, he's so close and I feel my heart jump into my mouth as he reaches out, fixing a strand of hair from my lose pony tail.

I feel my heartbeat accelerate as he pulls his hand back, looking into my eyes, and suddenly I am memorized by his green eyes.

"Well, there you go." He says, handing me the pill bag, our hands touch for the briefest moment, and I feel electricity go through me.

"Thanks." I swallow, looking at him.

He nods his head, and I pull the money out of my pocket, handing it to him.

"Nah, thanks for your business." He says, looking at me, a charming smile on his lips.

I feel myself smiling back, my heart beating against my chest.

"Hey, before you go, let me get your contact shit, so I can tell you when we have these in." He says, handing me a paper.

I look down the paper and put it on the table, leaning over to fill it out.

I feel Stefan's eyes on me.

I quickly write my name and number, handing him back the paper, he looks down, his face falls.

I stare at him, waiting for him to look up.

"You're the captain's wife?" He says, in disbelief, a small shocked expression on his face.

"Uh yeah." I say, nervously, I feel my palms begin to itch.

"That's interesting." He says, looking at me.

"What because I'm on drugs?" I question, looking at him.

"Well, yeah don't you have a kid and shit?" He asks, looking at me.

I shake my head.

"I don't think that's any of your business." I bite back, standing up.

"Whoa, chill. It's cool, I just wasn't expecting it." He says, putting his hands up.

I study his expression, he does seem surprised.

"Well, thanks for the drugs." I say in a formal tone, I begin to walk out but he stops me, his eyes showing something I can't quiet read.

"Hey, don't leave mad." He says, touching my arm.

I feel a rush go through my arm to my toes.

"Come back soon, okay?" He whispers, his eyes on me.

I find myself nodding as he lets go of my arm.

"Alright, cool." He says, smiling.

I nod my head, unable to speak, I exit the loft and he closes the door behind me.

I lean against the loft door, heart racing against my chest.

I quickly look down at my watch and curse under my breath. I needed to get back in case the neighbors noticed I was gone too long, I hated it when the spread rumors about me.

I groan internally and take three pills out, dry swallowing them.

I stuff the rest in my yoga pants pocket and walk back to my car, starting it.

I had to get home before these kicked in, too.

I drive the safe way home, all back roads, I park the car in the garage and walk to the house, fumbling with my keys, I feel the buzz set in and smile, walking into my house.

I total forget that Jackson's soccer game is tonight, and I was in charge of snacks.

I shake off the thoughts of Stefan, the mysterious new drug dealer

I grab the snacks from the refrigerator and walk

over, putting them in plastic baggies. I had to get them to Jackson's

tournament soon.

Suddenly I hear a knock as our door and wonder who that could be, I yell

out coming and put the snacks back in the fridge again so they don't go

below room temperature.

I open the door and Caroline is there, her hair in a bun, her yellow dress

makes her complexion really pop. I laugh in surprise, hugging her.

"Care, what a surprise!" I exclaim, smiling. I hadn't seen Caroline in two

weeks, she was traveling in Brazil for two months with her husband.

"How was your trip?" I ask, ushering her in.

"Oh it was amazing." She smiles at me her cheeks red probably from the hot

sun.

"That's great!" I feel a pang of jealously go through me that Caroline got

to enjoy the finer things in life while I was stuck with this mundane

lifestyle.

"Did you get your fix?" She says, glancing at me.

"Hmm." I say, casually, standing up.

She follows me to the kitchen.

"How about that drug dealer, though?" She asks, her voice in a whisper.

"He was... cute." I allow myself to say, busying myself with the dishes in

the sink. "Cute? He's walking sex, Elena." She exclaims and I smile, my

back turned to her.

"Walking sex, really?" I ask, giving her a questioning look.

She smiles, putting her hand over her mouth.

"You know what I mean. He's hot!" She says, again and I shake my head.

"He's okay.. too grunge for my taste." I lie, putting the dishes I just

washed on the sink.

"Well didn't that used to be your type?" She points out and I close my

eyes, turning back to face her.

She did have a point, my first boyfriend was like Stefan, didn't believe in

the rules, preferred to live life on the wild side, we dated, broke up

before high school ended.

"No." I lie through my teeth, smiling at her.

"Well, he really seems choosy in who he associates with.. he barely looked

at me." She confirms, I stare at her, not believing her.

"Did he make you sign a form?" I ask, looking at her.

"Oh yeah, but he was very distant in our little encounter." She states,

watching me.

"Oh.." I say, turning back around.

"He has the best weed though." She says, smiling mischievously at me.

"That's nice." I mutter as I take the snacks out of the refrigerator.

"I miss Tom though." She sighs, her face downcast.

"Yeah, he was a great guy." I smile, putting a hand on her shoulder

Her and Tom had an affair the start of summer when I first found out I had

stopped talking to Caroline completely, but now with my marriage falling

apart I understand. She wasn't getting the same attention Tom gave her from

her husband. I don't think I could ever cheat on my husband though, he'd be

devastated. It didn't mean I couldn't think about Stefan though. Thoughts

are harmless right? It's acting on those thoughts that become a problem.

"Anyways, I'll drive you to the school." She gives me a knowing look that I

had just used and I nod, a grateful smile on my lips.

I grab the snacks and we head to her car.

"Anyways how's life with you?" She asks as she backs her pruis out of our

driveway.

"Good. Good." I mutter, looking out the window.

"That's Elena code for everything sucks but I'm too scared to admit it."

She states looking over at me.

I meet her blue eyes and sigh.

"It's just.. I feel like Matt and I are drifting."

"Well, that's not news." She says, turning right at the end of the street

I can't argue you with her there, I sigh deep, biting my lip.

"It's just he works too much and we never have time for each other and I

just feel so alone you know? So I immerse myself into these activities and

now I'm like for what? I'm obviously not happy. It's just so messed up." I

whisper, running my hand through my hair.

"I'm not even attracted to my husband anymore for

God's sake." I sigh deeply, looking out the window.

"I'm a horrible person, this is just karma." I add, and I feel Caroline's

hand on my shoulder.

"Hey it's okay to feel like that, I did. I mean I had an affair and it was

wrong but.. I don't regret it." Caroline says and i raise an eyebrow at

her, confused.

"I mean yes, it was so terrible and whatever. I could of really destroyed

my marriage blah blah. But it's not selfish to act on your desires, Elena.

I don't care what anyone says. You want something? Take it." She says, her

voice rising

I shake my head.

"No, Caroline. I'm not going to do that. I just feel like I'm under a

microscope you know? Everyone's watching me.. too much pressure." I mutter,

feeling miserable.

I moan, sighing.

"I know, sweetie but keep what I said in mind." She

advises but I shake my head, and she sighs, turning into the school.

"We should go out.. without our husbands." She declares, looking at me.

"Are you kidding?" I ask, looking over at her but she has a smile on her

face.

"What, it'll be fun." She says.

"Don't tell me, you're scared." She adds, teasing me.

"I can't Care. I got a kid to raise, laundry to finish.." I trail off,

sighing.

"I have no time for play just work." I reply, looking at her.

Her smile drops from her face.

"Fine." She sighs defeated.

"But keep what I said in mind, you can either keep living this lie or you

can go out there and do something crazy, act on your darkest thoughts,

desires." She smiles at me.

"I just don't want to see you depressed." She sighs, pulling me into a hug.

"I'm fine." I mumble, but hug her back anyways.

That was further from the truth.

We park in the parking lot and I get out, grabbing

the tray of snacks.

Jackson races to me, saying hi. And I smile at him, ruffling his hair.

Suddenly my phone beeps and I pull it out, it's an unknown number.

I glance at the text message, almost dropping the tray of snacks in the

process.

"Hey sorry for texting you.. but I cant read this, is this an a or a o?"

It's Stefan.

I open up the second message to see my ink blotted address, to be fair I

couldn't tell either. I feel my heart race he probably thought I was an

idiot now.

I put the tray of snacks down on the table and unlock my phone, texting

back.

"It's supposed to be an e, clumsy hand writing." I send the text and

Jackson smiles at me.

"Mom are you staying for the game?" He asks, glancing at me.

"Of course, your father is trying to make it, too." I assure him, and he

smiles.

"Alright." He says, smiling too.

I smile at my son, and sit down on the bench, eager to forget who's texting me and just spend time with him


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/n: Wow. I wasn't expecting such lovely reviews, thank you!**_

 _ **just reminding you this story is M so it will have adult themed content in it, I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoy writing it :) let me know what you think!**_

 _ **Stefan**_

I finally glance at the paper the captain's wife left me hours later. After I'm done sorting through all the drugs, making sure I have enough for the week. I glance at the ink blotted name and phone number. I can barely read it, for being as rich as she was you think she

would have invested in some writing lessons. When she came over to the loft I noticed how uncomfortable she was around me, it was laughable. I actually thought she was just a student looking for a kick for her next exam. But when I saw the name on her form. I couldn't believe she was the captain's wife, looking for drugs, must be a tough appearance to keep up. That's why when I grabbed my phone confused by her address I texted her, she replied minutes later. I couldn't deny she was gorgeous, with her long brown hair, brown eyes, her little yoga pants she was wearing made my heart beat pick up. She seemed like a happy girl, but with an addiction.

I wonder if her husband knew she took these meds, but then I stop myself, why did I care she was just another source of money, and I didn't want her to stop coming to me. I had a drug business to run and I heard from the streets that the south side of the other part of town was going to kick my ass from stealing their customers. I smirk, they couldn't touch me, I wasn't even worried. I read the reply to Elena's text and write a quick okay, setting my phone down. I couldn't deny my attraction to her, she was hot, but older and she had a son and she's married.

But damn, I would tear that ass up if I could but I know she'd never go for

me, she seemed to have morals. Which was good, I was already fucked up beyond repair.

I sit down on my couch, grateful Damon hasn't made an appearance again I didn't need his shit.

Elena doesn't reply and I sigh in disappointment, but then I stop myself, feeling like an idiot.

I decide to get up from my couch and do something productive to keep my mind off things I head up to the attic of the loft, I climb the stairs and get into the dusty wooden attic. Where I kept my punching bag and other sparring items.

I was really into kick boxing when I was in high school, I loved the adrenaline and release I got from it, better then from the feeling I get from the drugs.

I grab my sparring gloves and put them on, heading to the black punching bag. I like it all here because it's dark and a nice thinking place. I bounce on the balls of my feet, and start hitting the huge punching bag, it swings back and forth as I bounce, hitting it again. Twenty minutes

later I feel a sweat breaking on my forehead as the sweat pours down my face, but I keep adding kicks and punches to the bag, feeling the adrenaline from it.

I stop, trying to catch my breath as I huff from frustration. Honestly I couldn't get Elena out of my head this was going to be a problem.

I rush back downstairs and grab a towel wiping the sweat from my head, my hand is kinda of bruised but I don't care I embrace the pain. I check my phone and see a customer has texted me.

It must be half past 7 because I see the sun setting out the window. The customer texts me to meet them at the Mystic Grill. I shed of my shirt and shower quickly, putting a towel around my waist. I feel my stomach grumble and I realize I hadn't ate anything today, good thing we were meeting at the grill. I throw on a black shirt and jeans, putting my leather jacket on.

I grab the motorcycle helmet from my counter and my phone, turning off all the lights and closing the loft door, locking it.

Let's go meet this dude I think as I straddle my motorcycle in the garage, I ride off into the black night, not sure what it had in store for me. I park in the parking lot and take my motorcycle

helmet off, checking out some girls that just walked into the bar. I loved the south, girls barely wore clothing, it was too hot. I chuckle to myself and lock my motorcycle, walking off into the direction of the grill. I look around for my customer and don't see him. So I sit at the bar, ordering the regular burger. I look around and my breath catches in my throat. I see Elena, with her,

I'm assuming is her son. She's laughing and talking to her son and she looks great, her brown hair down and curly around her shoulders, I notice she is wearing a simple black dress and cardigan, and I can't help myself to stare. She looks really beautiful tonight. Not in a rush like when I last saw her. She smiles at her son and then I see a tall man approaching them, I see

it's the captain, Matt Donavan. He's still in his police uniform and he smiles down at her, I feel a pang of jealousy rush through me as they kiss, I turn my back and see my food had arrived without knowing. I needed to get over this little feeling I had I couldn't afford feelings

at this point in my life, they were a waste of my time. I notice a blonde checking me out in the corner of the bar, her martini untouched, she bites her lip and looks away. I smirk and pick at my burger, keeping my eyes on her. She's not bad, she's a wearing short shorts and a tank top, her curly hair down her back. I see she's reading a college text book.

Perfect my age group.

I see her take her drink and walk over to me, she's got a nice figure. She slides into the space next to me.

"You looked a little lonely." She purrs, leaning closer.

"You have no idea." I say, popping a french fry in my mouth.

She touches my chest and I don't feel anything.

"Wanna get outta here?" She asks, smiling seductively at me.

"Hmm. In a minute." I say, kind of turned off with her eagerness. I was always delighted with a chase. I guess that's why Elena was so attractive to me. She didn't seem that interested in me at the loft, but I'm sure I could spark her interest.

I curse under my breath why am I thinking of her again. She starts to sink back in her seat but I grab her wrist, pressing it to my chest. Her cheeks are flushed as she bites her lip.

I stare into her blue eyes, still not feeling a connection.

"Soon." I confirm, and she smiles at me, leaning closer to me.

"Are you sure your willing to play with some fire, baby?" I ask, my hand trailing up her ass.

"Hmm. I'm sure I can handle you." She teases and I smirk.

"Whatever you say, princess."

Suddenly I get a text to meet the guy in the bathroom.

"Business then pleasure." I whisper, pressing my lips against hers, I tease

her lips with my teeth, grazing them.

She moans and I pull back, winking at her.

I pass by Elena's table and she actually makes eye contact with me, and then looks away again.

I chuckle and watch as her husband looks at me, I hurry up and get to the bathroom, eager to get back to the girl.

Me and the guy trade off and I take a look in the mirror, wanting to fix myself before I got back to the girl. It was clear I'd be getting some, she was putty in my hands, practically throwing herself at me and I wasn't complaining it had been too long.

Still, when Elena looked at me I couldn't read her expression. It is probably better if she hates me anyways. I can't be having these feelings or whatever they are for her.

I make my way back to the blonde, not surprised she's still waiting there.

I sit down next to her.

"Ready?" She says, her hand on my thigh, a smile on her lips.

I nod, and get out of the stool grabbing my bike helmet

She talks about herself the whole ride to the loft. I find out she goes to the college down the street and her name is Carly. We get to the loft and I invite her inside, rolling up some weed for her and I.

She takes the joint and stares at me. "I never smoked before." She says, smiling and I wave my hand at her. "I'll teach you." I say, making our joint and throwing my arm around her so

shes close to me. I watch in her amazement as she ogles at the joint and I feel myself getting turned off again, I did like teaching people new things but not when they acted like this. I try not to roll my eyes as I put the joint in my mouth, wetting it between my lips.

I grab the lighter off the counter and light it up, watching her eyes sparkle at the lit up joint. I take a hit and lean back closing my eyes, I exhale, and look at her, she slowly grabs the joint, but I stop her.

"Ever shot gun before?" I give her my best Cheshire cat smile and she laughs, shaking her head.

"Alright, this is what you go, open your mouth." She does and I look at her before taking the hit, I lean closer to her pink lips, and close my eyes, blowing the smoke in her mouth. I hear her lungs inhale as she coughs a

little and that's when I know she got a good hit. She giggles at me and after we finish the joint we soon we're making out on the couch and it feels so different and right, my hands down her waist,

rolling her denim shorts between my fingers. She moans and presses butterfly kisses to my neck, they barely make an effect on me as I slide off her shorts, pushing her back on the couch.

She giggles and wraps her legs around my waist, I lean down and kiss her passionately, her body melting into mine.

She tastes good, I'll give her that and her skin feels great against mine. She moans my name and I smirk against her neck, dipping my fingers into her

panties.

She squirms under me in pleasure and soon I see her hair fall off the couch

and it's not blonde, it's brown.

I thrust my fingers into her hard and her body jerks under me, making me just want to go harder.

I slowly look up and see Elena under me, my fingers in her slit, working

their way deeper inside of her as she throws her head back, I feel her

wetness in between her thighs and everything is so right as the room

spins, as I enter her, she moans, her face twisted in pleasure, her nails

digging into my shoulder, I increase my pace, and feel the whole couch

rocking against me. But I don't care.

Why are you thinking about her? I ask my mind as I lean my sweaty forehead

against her shoulder and she comes, her nails releasing from my shoulder. I

look down and see blue eyes instead of brown.

I instantly get angry because of the lust inside me. I begin to start my

pace up again and she throws her head back, telling me how to do my job. I

roll my eyes and pretty soon I meet my end also, I pull out, panting, my

body sweaty as she heaves next to me.

"Fuck." I mutter and close my eyes, running my hand through my hair.

"Hmm." She purrs, leaning over me, she presses kisses over my chest.

I close my eyes, not really into the sex, but it didn't hurt not to be

alone.

So I allow her to sink on top of me, and she feels good inside, but her

personality was a turn off for me I tell myself, denying the real reason I

wasn't into her.

I was into the captain's wife and I'm fucked for it.

We continue to fuck through out the night until we're too tired and I roll

over, trying to catch some sleep. I hear her sneak out in the middle of the

night as I wake up from my dream.

I'm glad she wasn't the attached type but I look over and see she left a

rather long note. I groan and sit up, taking the note, but I'm too tired to

read it so I lay back down closing my eyes.

Suddenly I get a text from that my weed customer, Caroline I think her name

was.

"Hey, I can't make it today, so I'm sending my friend, Elena to pick up my

supply, hope it's okay!"

I smirk, setting the phone down.

It was going to be more then okay.

It was going to be great.

 **Elena**

I toss in turn as quietly as I can in bed, my

thoughts drift back to the grill, tonight. The way Stefan was touching that

girl, it sent shivers down my spine. When we made eye contact, I tried my

best to look away, act like I didn't know him but when he smirked at me I

knew I lost that war to begin with. I allowed myself a glance, taking in

his messy hair, the girl's lipstick pressed against his neck, his white

shirt and black leather jacket, he looked too good standing there and I

felt that familiar rush go through me as he walked away.

Matt had looked at me but I hurried up and busied myself with Jackson,

telling him to finish his food. I felt extremely guilty, but Matt didn't

say anything to me, but I could tell he wasn't happy.

I glance over at him and see him sleeping, his

breathing low as I slip out of bed, heading to the bathroom.

I walk on the tiled floor to the mirror, turning on the faucet sink, I

shut the door quietly and wet my face, looking into the mirror, I see my

eyes are completely open, my hands start to shake as I wet my face again,

enjoying the calm it's giving me.

But then my mind floats back to Stefan, I bite my lip, and close my eyes,

the lust begins to take over. Caroline's words echo in my mind.

"It's not selfish to act on your desires." But I shake my head, this sexual

frustration was beginning to be too much for me to handle. I needed a

release.

I blush thinking about what I can do. I never done it before, I never felt

like I had to.

I make sure the faucet is on as I get into our tub, removing my soaked

panties. I take a deep breath as I throw them across the room. I'm not

really sure where to start, so I think about past times Matt had done this

to me.

I take another deep breath and close my eyes, I

slide my hand down to my wet entrance, slowly inserting a finger into the

wetness.

My breath hitches in my throat at the sensation this is giving me, I feel

my walls clench around my finger, I slowly start moving in and out, my

deep breaths become shallow moans as I lean my head back against the marble

tub.

I feel heat pool from my stomach to between my thighs as I slowly insert

another finger, the pressure makes me moan louder as I being to rub the

little nub that is sensitive. I feel myself close as I continue to thrust

in myself, while applying pressure to my nub.

"Oh my god." I moan, biting my lip as I open my eyes a little bit, I see

Stefan's blonde hair and green eyes staring at me intently I know it's a

dream, I'm still at high from my Valium. I feel my skin shudder as I

come down the tub, my breathing heavy as I close my legs.

This wasn't enough, that was a sure thing.

I knew I was just going to want more.

Eventually I was going to have to talk to Matt, ask

him why we never seem to be connected anymore.

I quickly wash away evidence of my sin and take another shaky breath,

calming myself down.

I slip out of the bathroom and back into bed, where I feel exhaustion begin

to take over. I close my eyes and feel myself slowly drifting from the

world.

"Your husband is gonna shoot me with his gun?" I hear his dark voice in the

back of my mind, suddenly I am transported into his loft again, he's

wearing the same long slung sweat pants and he's also shirtless again.

I watch as his green eyes drift down my black dress, the same one I wore

tonight to the grill.

"He might." I reply and he smirks, pulling me closer by the hem of my

dress.

"No, Stefan, we can'.t" I whisper, my hand on his chest, trying to push him

away but all I can think about is how hard and warm it feels against my

palm.

"I won't tell if you don't." He whispers, his eyes on mine, I feel the

goosebumps prick my arms as he stares at me deeply.

"No." I say again, turning my back towards him, I almost jump when he moves

closer to me, his hands resting on the curve of my spine.

I can still feel them against my hot skin and through the material of my

thin dress.

"You're so tense, Elena." He whispers, pulling me back towards him, he

starts massaging my shoulders and I can't help the moan to escape my

lips.

"S-stop." I finally find my voice but he starts peppering my neck with tiny

kisses. I feel the heat in between my thighs, as I bite my lip, leaning my

head against his shoulder.

"You don't want me to stop." He whispers into my ear as I hear the zipper

on my dress slide down, he slides the straps down halfway, kissing my

shoulder, his tongue darts out in between his lips, wetting my shoulder as

his free hand rubs gently down my stomach.

My breath hitches in my throat as he bites my shoulder, sending butterflies

down my stomach.

Suddenly I am being shaken awake, I sit up to see my son, standing there,

his blue eyes showing concern.

"Mommy, are you okay?" He asks, sitting down next to me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I give him my best reassuring smile, ruffling his hair.

"Go get ready for school." I say, and when he leaves I sigh in relief, my

face sweating as I run my fingers through my hair.

Suddenly my phone beeps and I take a look at it.

"Hey can't pick up my supply today so I'm going to need you to hand to

Stefan's today at some point. I'm sorry.

Xoxo

Caroline.

I groan in fear as I lay my head back on the pillow.

There was no other way to think it.

I was fucked.

I quickly get out of bed and throw on my robe, cursing when I realize I don't have any panties on, I'm glad my blanket was covering myself.

My face heats up from thinking about what I did last night in the bath tub.

I sigh escapes my lips and I go to the bathroom, starting the shower, I take my time in there, but try not to over think things as I clean myself up from last night.

I'm out in five minutes and I run a brush through my long brown wet hair, looking in the mirror.

"What's wrong with you?" I whisper to myself and grab the pill bottle from the cabinet, dry swallowing two pills, just to keep my anxiety at bay.

I wrap my towel around my body, stepping out of the bathroom.

"Mom, we're gonna be late!" Jackson yells, and I quickly find my bra and panties, throwing them on. I decide to wear a summer dress, but I dress professionally as I throw on my large cardigan, looking in the mirror.

"I'll be right there, sweetie!" I yell, throwing my wet hair into a messy bun, I fix my makeup to how I like it and grab some flip flops from my closet.

When I get back to the living room, Jackson is waiting, his black book bag in hand.

"Alright, let's go." I smile, and ruffle his hair, walking to the counter to grab an apple on the way.

He races me to the car and I lock up everything, grabbing my keys.

My stomach in knots over Caroline's pick up today.

I scold myself, shaking away these thoughts, I was just picking up weed, nothing was going to happen.

I start the car and drive down the street, Jackson sits in the passenger seat, his headphones on as he looks out the window.

I feel a stab of sadness in my heart as I look over at him, he was growing up way too fast.

I drive him to school, parking in the parking lot, he looks over and smiles at me, his blue eyes sparkling from emotion.

"Bye mom." He says, leaning over and kissing my cheek, and I feel my heart go warm in my chest, even if everything was falling apart, Jackson always made it better.

"Bye, Jackson." I say, ruffling his hair and before he leaves I make sure he as everything, saying a mental check list out loud. He rolls his blue eyes but smiles anyways, nodding.

I smile and roll the window up, watching him wave at me before walking to his classroom.

I feel the sadness erupt in my chest again, it wasn't fair Matt and I weren't being the best parents for him, we weren't even trying to work out our problems, maybe we should.

I make a mental list to check in with our usual counselor, Dr. Bennett, she was a phenomenal listener and was very patient with us as we addressed all of our concerns last time. I look into the rear view mirror and pack out of the parking lot, I decide to get some breakfast at Dunkin Donuts, to calm my aching nerves, even though I had a slight buzz from the pills I had taken this morning. I look down and see the red apple in my lap, oh yeah, I forgot I had that, I mentally smack my forehead and raise it to my lips, biting into it.

I text Matt a quick hello and drive off in the direction of Stefan.

I was just going to go in there, grab the weed, give him the money and get back out, there was going to be no need for small talk, or anything.

This was a drug deal not a counselors session.

Matt texts me back a hey, baby and I smile, and tell him that we need to talk tonight.

He replies: Am I in trouble?

No, I am, I think, biting my lip as I see I'm already parked in Stefan's little drive way, I see the motorcycle there, and I laugh at the cliche, tucking the money into my cardigan's pocket.

I quickly text Matt a no and get out of the car, walking up the stairs to the metal door.

I knock loudly, hoping to God he's not home.

Suddenly a boy who looks like he's about fifteen comes out, his face red, and his fists clenched at his sides.

"Whatever man, you're whack." He says in his small voice and bounces off the stairs, not even looking at me.

I watch as he leaves, cursing under his breath.

"Hit the road and don't come back." He says in a gruff voice I finally turn my head to meet his eyes, their clouded with pain, I can see it. The way his breathing is becoming deeper, he's angry about something.

He's still staring at me intently, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Stefan is actually wearing a shirt today which makes things a lot easier, it's green and it brings out the forest color in his eyes, he has on black pants and a New York Yankee's baseball cap almost covering his eyes. His eyes drift towards my body, and I watch as his gaze settles on the cut line of my dress, I instantly feel self-conscious and fold my arms over my chest.

"What was that about?" I ask, my voice kind of high-pitched at his lust filled gaze with me, I feel my cheeks flush again, suddenly on cue, Stefan just turns away, walking inside, I follow him.

"Hey." I say, looking at him, trying again.

He looks at me, his eyes cloudy with emotion I can't read, his hands are balled up at fists at his sides, he turns away, bending down and shifting through the box for Caroline's order I assume.

"Why did you do that?" I find myself asking out his curiosity, he can barely meet my eyes before he turns around, shifting through the box again.

"It'll get me in trouble with your husband" He replies and I nod my head, crossing my arms over my chest.

"But you're expression... you seemed.. sad." I say, looking at him but he turns right around, avoiding my gaze.

"Concerned." I correct myself, watching as he finds the weed, he comes over to me, staring at me again, his expression seems uninterested for this conversation, but I can make out pain in his face.

"Just because I'm a drug dealer doesn't mean I'm a bad person." He simply says, and I stare at him, feeling a little guilty I was thinking like this.

I nod my head, looking at him, what has caused him to become this person? What scars did he have on his soul? I wanted to help, wanted to tell him it was all going to be okay, but I can't. It's not my job to listen to his problems, I had enough of my own, a marriage I needed to save.

Although, I am thinking this healthy thoughts his eyes watch me and I can't help myself to pull away from his gaze, it's dark and enticing and there was something about it that just made me want to fold and give up, and allow him to take me into his strong arms but I regressed, you have Matt I remind myself, being the first to look away.

He hands me the bag of weed and I hand him the money, he mumbles a silent thank you and I look at him again, wanting to sit down and ask a million questions but I knew he didn't have the patience for that right now.

I see the familiar smirk come onto his lips when I get a text message, I look down and read it, still feeling Stefan's burning gaze on me, making my cheek heat up.

It was from Matt.

"I'm willing to try, if you are. I know how much you love our son, and we need to be together in this. Things haven't been the same, Elena. We can't hide behind our schedules, let's talk tonight."

I find myself smiling at this, my heart bursting with unexplainable joy, he didn't want to give up on this marriage after all, we both want what's best for our son.

"I better go." I say, pulling my cardigan around my chest more.

Stefan just nods, standing there.

"Thank you for your business." He says again, sticking his hand out and I gently move my hand over his, shaking it, we don't break eye contact until I walk out his apartment the bag of weed hidden in my dress.

I didn't have time for this guy, I needed to make things work with my husband, for my son. I didn't have time to be selfish and act on desires like Caroline said, I had to get my thoughts together, stop thinking so much about the mysterious drug dealer in the loft and focus on the prince charming husband, that is so good to me, and I don't deserve it. I had to focus on my future. Stefan was just a kid, his life was probably beginning, and mine was slowly coming to an end.

I grab my keys and head to my car, taking one last look at the loft, proud of myself for resisting temptation.


	3. Chapter 3

_Let me know what you think about this chapter, I really enjoy this story, feedback is greatly appreciated! you guys are the best_

 _Stefan_

I wake up after Carly left and make myself some breakfast, Damon hadn't been near in three days and I was honestly glad for it.

I didn't need his stupid lectures about how thing was going to make me end up dead, or that I was going to caught and face possible jail time. I was playing this game carefully, retracing my steps every so often, making sure no one blabbed their mouth about my cartel. I didn't need anyone but myself.

I make myself some toast and sit down on the couch I had just had sex on not even five hours ago. When Caroline texted me that Elena was going to pick up the weed, I couldn't deny the jitters that rattled my bones. I couldn't stop thinking about her last night, even when I was with Carly, I had to get over this little attraction, because he wasn't going to help me any, I couldn't afford feelings at this point in my life, it's better to just have side bitches and that's it.

I jumped in the shower, washing away all the scent of Carly last night, I was honestly surprised I had memorized her name, usually I didn't.

I dress in a green shirt and black pants, combing my messy dirty blond hair, I put on some cologne, because I usually wore this scent.

Suddenly if on cue, I hear a knock on the door, I smirk and walk towards the door, ready to tease Elena until her soft cheeks turn pink.

I noticed her face was always flush when she was around me, I feel my pride swell up as I answer the door, leaning back against it.

But what I find is not Elena, but a boy, he looks young and he has a skateboard in his hand, jet black hair and blue eyes.

"Yo, are you Stefan?" He asks, his voice barely dropped below a girl's range, he must not be sixteen yet.

"Who wants to know?" I say, standing in front of the door, crossing my arms over my thin green shirt.

"I heard you had weed, I got money.." He pulls out a crumpled 20 in the back of his black jeans, his gives me his best smile.

"Yeah, I don't think so." I say, shaking my head.

"Why, I got your money right here!" He says, arguing with me, his voice goes up.

I close my eyes and open them away.

The boy reminded me a little of myself when I was 15, always looking for trouble, I always knew where the drugs were, that's mostly why my friends kept me around, they used to call me drug catcher, I could spot drugs from a mile away.

I started smoking weed when I was 15 and then turned to harder stuff in the early years, the boys eyes beg against mine and I shake my head, my mouth in a firm line, I wasn't going to see him go down the same path as me.

"No, not selling to minors." I confirm, standing in the doorway, I look over and see a shadow approaching it must be Elena.

"Man, you're whack." He says, taking back his money, his fold his hands in his pockets but I stay firm with him.

He doesn't budge for a few seconds and I watch as Elena gets there, she looks at the boy, confused by his actions, as he stomps away, then her gaze shifts to me, her brown eyes in confusion, as her eyebrows furrow at what she just witnessed.

My eyes drift down to her what she's wearing a blue summer time dress, the material looks so thin and for a second I can't imagine doing anything but ripping it off her. But I'm too angry to speak, of the stupidity of the boy.

She sends shivers down my spine as she finally speaks up.

"What was that about?" She asks, looking at me, but I just stare at her, not moving, my thoughts drift back to when Damon first found out I was on drugs.

"Stefan, you need to stop this." He yelled, raising his hands up in frustration.

"Damon, it's just for exams, I'll quit after." I promised him, and he backed off me for a few days, but with that skeptical look in his eye, that he got when he usually could tell when people were lying, and I fucking hated it.

We didn't talk for a week and I found myself wishing him, now I find myself regretting ever pushing him away, I realize he was showing me tough love, just like I was showing the boy tough love.

Sometimes I wish I never got involved with drugs, but who would I be without them?

I turn away form the door, and lean down to get the box of weed, I sort through it, while I feel Elena's eyes burn into my back.

"Hey." She tries again, but I don't respond, still stuck in a haze.

My fists balled to my side, knowing that I had ruined Damon and I's relationship with my stubbornness, it shook me to the core.

"Why did you do that?" She asks, and I finally allow her a glance, her face filled with wonder as she looks at me.

I scowl and think of a good answer, so I don't have to share my feelings with her, this girl I barely knew, who was probably judging me, already.

"It'll get me in trouble with your husband." I say in a reminding her she has one, my voice is bitter but it comes out quiet, I doubt she'd notice the difference.

I watch her face fall a second, as I smirk ,turning around and sorting through the boxes. She was just your typical soccer mom, she probably only wanted me to get back at her husband, or something like that. Obviously, she wasn't getting fucked right, if she kept walking around and being so uptight.

"But your expression, you.. seemed.. sad." She says, her eyebrows furrowed in concern and I wanted to laugh at her, tell her it's none of her business but I stay silent, sorting through the boxes ''till I find a bag that has a big C on it. Bingo.

"Concerned." I hear her correct herself and I tense up at that word.

Concerned? Is she really surprised I would be concerned, what? Was is because I was a drug dealer that I didn't have feelings, or a heart for that matter. Apparently she thought I was the heartless, I don't glare at her, as I look intently in her brown eyes.

"Just because I'm a drug dealer doesn't mean I'm a horrible person." I say, turning away and rolling my eyes.

I feel her gaze in my back again, probably pitting me, and this person I have become and for a second, I find myself wanting to be pitted, loved, even, taken care of. But I know she can't do these things, she's married for God's sake, still her concern sent a sliver of joy down my to my heart.

I knew even I start a relationship with someone I'll just end up fucking it up in the long run.

I'm about to say something, as I go to hand her the bag of weed but she looks down at her phone, smiling.

I watch as her face lights up more at each word her eyes touch.

I feel the jealousy begin to set in but I stop myself, from even being jealous. Why was I jealous? She had the perfect life, the perfect family, a big house, a husband that probably gave her everything she deserved and yet, she still looked at me like I was the answer to all her needs. I wanted to be, Oh God, How I wanted to just swoop her into my arms and press her against the wall and never let her leave, but I refrain myself, she doesn't need a loser like me.

"I better go." She says, looking back up at me and for a minute I see sadness in her doe brown eyes.

I just nod, standing there, feeling inadequate.

"Thank you for your business." I lamely respond, sticking my hand out, her touch is gentle against my skin, and it makes my hand quiver slightly, I don't think she notices

She mumbles a quick goodbye and stuffs the weed in her dress, walking out the door.

I watch her, thinking this is for the best, am I really that pathetic that I go after a married women?

I go up to the dusty old attic to box again, taking

my mind of everything as I try to hit that punching bag as hard as I can.

My mind drifts back to earlier years, Damon and I going to the lake house

of our parents and catching fish, roasting marshmallows by the open fire,

water balloon fights near the lake. Every 4th of July we'd watch the

fireworks go off. And now I had just ruined it, I had no idea how to get in

contact with Damon. I found out two days ago his girlfriend works in town

as a counselor for marriage. I hadn't seen Bonnie in ages, I thought they

had broken up because our father never approved of Bonnie's race. Growing

up in L.A you'd think he'd be more open minded, but nope. Our father acted

like a southerner, he hated different races. I was glad Bonnie and Damon

made it back to each other though, they really deserved each other and I

know she's always been there for him in my absence. I stop punching the bag

and glance at my cell phone, seeing if I have any new customers.

None.

Perfect, I think and suddenly I hear a knock on my door.

"Stefan?" I hear my brother's voice over the metal door and it causes my

heart to rise out of my chest.

"Be right there." I yell, throwing on my shirt, the one thing I liked about

this loft was it was very close together, so I always had an idea when a

visitor popped up.

I bounce down the attic steps, closing it. Some dust falls on my shirt and

I quickly wipe it off, sliding the thin beam so it's unlocked.

I slide open the door and I'm face to face with my brother, his blue eyes

showing concern as he looks at what I'm wearing. I scan his appearance too,

all crisp in his tux's and shirt.

"Hey, I brought burgers." He holds up the bag with a sheepish grin and I

stand back from the door, motioning him to come in.

He glances at me surprised and I walk over to the kitchen, raiding the

cabinets for a place.

For a moment neither of us talk, I'm lost in my own thoughts and I'm sure

he is, too.

I walk over and grab the bag from his hand, setting the burgers on the

plate.

Just as I'm about to say something he speaks up and we stare at each other,

embarrassed looks and smiles on our faces.

It's a bit awkward, not being mad at him.

"You go first." I say, sitting down on the bar stool, burger in front of

me.

He sits next to me, loosen his tie a bit, another nervous habit of us. I

note and glance his way.

"I'm sorry for being so hard on you... I just wanted to say whatever you

wanna do with your life Stefan, I'm here." He vows, quietly, picking up a

french fry.

I smile, it's a genuine smile and it kind of hurts my heart as well.

"It's okay, Damon, really. I've learned a lot of things today." I mutter,

also picking up a fry.

He stares at me, his eyebrows shooting up.

"Really?" He asks, a smile breaking on his flustered face.

"Yeah."

I tell him about the young boy that came over today and he nods his head

listening, patiently.

I feel my cheeks heat up as I continue my story, embarrassed I was finally

admitting he did indeed love and care for me all along.

He stares at me, I hear his breaths become weak and it's only do I look up,

I realize he is crying.

For a second, I'm not sure what to do but when I reach out to console him

he puts a hand on my shoulder.

"You don't know how long I waited to hear this, brother." He says, wiping a

single tear from his eye.

I smile small at him and nod.

I start to fumble with my words, each stutter becomes unbearable, I'm not

really sure what to say and I feel my awkwardness kicking in but Damon nods

over at me as if he can read my mind.

"I know, Stef." He says quietly, lifting his arm off my dense shoulder.

I feel a grin break out on my face again and it feels foreign to me, weird

to be this happy.

I'm almost expecting to wake up, realize this is all a dream but as I watch

Damon talk about his life, and what he's been doing, I realize this is real

and for the first time in forever I feel okay.

We sit and talk for what seems like hours, I tell him all my starting out

drug dealing stories, how well I'm doing in this business, how-

I actually enjoy it here, more then L.A.

And he in turn listens with patience that I will never have, he stares at

me, his blue eyes sparkling with joy.

Later, he looks at the clock, picking up his dirty plate as he sets it in

the sink.

"I better get going.. Bonnie's gonna start calling me."

I smile and tell him to tell her I said hi and he promises and so we go our

separate ways and although it hurts, I know Damon will make it a point to

come and visit me more. I enjoyed telling him of my life, I finally

realized life is better with someone to share those experiences with, I

need Damon, more then he knows. He was always a rock for me growing up,

dealing with Mother's cancer battle, father's affairs before and after, my

first heartbreak. Damon was always there with a warm hug and advice.

My thoughts shift back to Elena somehow and I feel like I've been punched

in the stomach.

Should I tell Damon about her?


	4. Chapter 4

Elena

I get home that night and Matt and I have a long talk that goes on for hours. Eventually, he agrees to change his schedule around so that me and him and Jackson can start spending more time together. The change makes me happy, although, I wish he had realized that he wasn't spending enough time with us in the beginning.

We go out as a family, baseball games, to the movies, the indoor swimming pool, we try to shower Jackson with the love he deserves but at the end of the night we just end up fighting.

"You know you didn't have to spend so much money." I say, one night at he gives me a slight glare. His blue eyes showing annoyance.

"Well, you said baseball and seats are expensive ,dear." He bites back, laying on our king sized bed. He sighs deeply, taking off his shirt. I barely glance at him, as I turn away.

"Well, can't we go camping you know we're low on budget." I criticize, looking at the white wall, next to me.

"I'm not talking about this anymore, Elena. You're the one who made me cut my hours." I look over and him and see his eyes are closed, he rubs his temples with his fingers and it just makes me angrier that he would say this.

"I thought you wanted to, you know spend time with your family." I bite back, in a harsh tone, my voice rising.

He looks over at me, rolling his eyes.

"Don't expect me not to spoil my kid, Elena." He says, pulling the covers up.

"I'm not saying you can't. I just don't want him to grow up and expect everything from us." I say with an icy glare, and he opens his eyes, his mouth in shock, and I see the tiny vein in his head that always appears when he gets angry.

"You know this is what Dr. Bennett was talking about, you criticize everything I do!" He yells, his chest heaving from anger.

He did have a point, I usually did critique everything he did, I couldn't help it. It was a bad habit of mine and sometimes I would pick a fight just to feel something, like right now for instance.

"Well, sometimes you don't think things through." I yell back, I feel my face getting flushed from the anger.

"You know what if you're not happy then maybe we shouldn't be together." He says in a hushed tone, probably in fear our son was listening two doors down.

I feel my heart clench in pain at this comment, I knew he was right deep down in my heart and I find myself growing agitated as my thoughts drift back to Stefan. I cover my hand with my mouth, not because I am sad, but because I know that deep down I was still very attracted to this drug dealer, and it was putting a strain on my marriage.

My eyes well up in tears and Matt looks over at me, his blue eyes softening at my tears.

"Hey, hey. I went too far." He whispers, his arms find a place around me, as he cradles my head in his chest.

I cry into his chest, feeling the guilt set in.

Gently, he pulls back and we look at each other.

I see the same expression I saw in Stefan's eyes three days ago, pity. And

I would take it. I couldn't be with Stefan and anger starts to burst through my tears as I cry. I find myself myself leaning towards my husband, trying to get my mind off the man that haunted my dreams.

I brush my lips against Matt's and he's surprised at first, his arms still around me, not making me feel safe or even loved but.. comfortable. His hands drift to my cheeks, cupping them as we kiss, his movements so gentle and his touch so safe that I find myself pushing him back on the bed, I sit on his lap, not breaking the kiss, my movements rough and unpredictable, that's what I really wanted.

Matt kisses me back his tongue exploring my mouth, he gently caresses my sides and I find myself getting turned off at this. I grab his soft blonde hair and tug at it a little, begging him to go faster, because I wanted to feel my heart race against my chest, dive into the fear of the unknown.

He breaks the kiss, panting.

"Elena, why did you just do that?" He asks, confused, his eyebrows furrowed.

I put a finger to his lips, not wanting to hear his voice, I kiss him again, pressing my small body along his strong one, I press so hard he's leaning against the headboard, a low moan comes from his throat.

He kisses me again.

"I love you." He says his eyes full of compassion as he looks into mine.

I feel guilt in the pit of my stomach as I nod, faking a smile.

"I love you too." I whisper as his lips gently press against mine, I feel

myself growing agitated again at his pace. He slowly slides off my shirt, not breaking eye contact with me, little kisses hover on my neck and I moan, leaning my head back.

His hands move around my bra and I close my eyes, but he doesn't remove my bra just yet, he nips at my collarbone and I just want to kick him, tell him to move faster. But I keep my mouth closed, he slides off the straps off my bra as he kisses me, massaging my perky breasts slowly.

I can't even find a moan in myself anymore, my face is flushed but not from arousal but from impatience.

Finally, he slips inside of me, making low gentle thrusts, every time he would pick up his speed he'd go back to gentle thrusts, making me want to kick him in the ass.

I close my eyes and lean my head back, picturing a different face, his green eyes would stare at me intently, as he pounded into me, his pace would be fast and hard and he's mouth would latch onto my nipple, probably nibbling it and his fingers would always be down there, adding pressure.

I hear Matt cry out and I'm so absorbed in my fantasy that I cry out along with him, meeting my end with him.

I feel my cheeks flushed as he leans down and kisses my forehead, I turn away, as his arms wrap around me, feeling less then content at the sex I just had. I don't remember it being this bad, I mean we had a kid of God's sake, was I always into gentle movements?

I try to think back but I feel myself closing my eyes, I sit up in bed and go to the bathroom, getting my pills from the cabinet, I had tried to stop taking them ever since Matt and I talked but I've realized they are what keeps me from going insane in this boring lifestyle.

I lean down in the tub again and pleasure myself, once I meet my end there, I get back into bed, going on my side, I lay there what feels like hours, tossing and turning.

Dreams come and go and slowly morning creeps it's way through our window. I stare up at the ceiling, frustrated. I'm still in a high the word doesn't seem quite right. Matt says he's going to take Jackson to school and I just nod, not really moving.

My thoughts drift back to Stefan, and I close my eyes, feeling my heartbeat pick up.

I had no reason to see him but for some reason I wanted to, I know it was just lust but it was the realest thing I felt in months.


	5. Chapter 5

**Another chapter for you lovely people, please review and rate! What do you think is going to happen next? thanks for all the kind reviews and engorgement.**

 **Stefan**

Two weeks later, Damon invites me to his apartment, for dinner. I almost decline, out of fear. Everything was going too good lately, my sales were up, I had customers around the clock, everyone was very pleased with my business. Carly came over on occasion and we would smoke and fuck but nothing's else. Every time we fucked though, I always pictured her as Elena, her perfect manicured claws digging into my back, her high voice echoing in my ears as I pound into her I think Carly notices but she doesn't say anything. There was still some lust there, but who would blame me? The girl is a walking model, I see her occasionally her long tan legs in some running shorts, or a short dress that leaves my imagination wild. The town talks and I always here something about the captain's wife and how their working out their marriage, I guess I'm not the only one who knew they were doomed but I keep my opinions to myself and busy myself with boxing, I read books and see if I can practice moves on the dummy I bought. It was a distraction tactic, to get my mind of the girl with doe brown eyes that made my heart fucking sing. **I** learn as many moves as I can each day, increasing my knowledge, I always want to be prepared, in case something happens, that's the thing they don't tell you, you need to protect yourself as a drug dealer but you do, crazy shit happens, you could get robbed or mugged for your drugs especially on the south side of town.

I snap back to reality and hop into the shower, I wanted to look good for Damon, have him not worried about me. I put on a plaid shirt and shave a little, so the stubble on my chin isn't so thick. I throw on a pair of pants and fix my hair in the mirror, combing it so it doesn't look so messy. I couldn't hide that I was excited, I was going to have dinner with my brother, something I thought wouldn't have happened in my lifetime two weeks ago. I decide to walk over there so I can hit up the liquor store down the street. Damon's apartment is only two blocks away from the loft and I've been feeling lazy, I lock up the loft and step out in the cold night, it doesn't bother me as I walk to the liquor store on the corner, the guy knows me by name. I sell him his heroin and he in return gives me free liquor,anything I want.

"Hey, man." I say, going to the wooden counter he's standing behind.

He smiles at me.

"Stefan." He says, smiling at me, he's missing some teeth and I see the tracks on his arms from the needles, some deeper then others.

"I'm gonna need some wine for tonight." I say, looking at him with a smile.

He dust his hands off his dirty apron and smiles, going to the back to look for wine.

"Hot date, tonight?" He yells, and I hear him shifting through bottles.

"Nah." I yell back, waiting.

He comes back with a wine and it looks expensive, I almost feel guilty for taking it for free.

"White Chardonnay perfect for dinner." He explains, handing me the bottle and I take it.

I try to give him a 20 but he refuses.

"Just have my order ready." He says and I nod in understanding.

I look at my watch, fearing I'll be late, he puts it in a paper bag and I thank him quickly, walking out with it into the cold night.

The streetlamps barely light up the sidewalk as I light up a cigarette, walking.

I make there in record time, stamping out my cigarette as I knock on the door, my palms sweaty of apprehension.

Bonnie answers wearing a black dress and a maroon cardigan.

"Stefan!" She cries out with a warm smile as she wraps her arms around me, I'm a little stunned but hug her back anyway, smiling.

"Hello, Bonnie." I say, as I hand her the wine.

She looks at the bottle and her green eyes light up as she takes it, "Oh wine, your brother will be pleased, he's turned into a wino."

Damon somewhere in the background yells I heard that! And we both laugh.

"Come on, inside, make yourself at home." She says as I step inside.

Their apartment is huge, fancy paintings on the wall, leather couches, a flat screen t.v. The dining room is a long wooden table with expensive china as the setting. I instantly feel under dressed as I marvel at the beauty.

Damon comes out of the bathroom in a suit, his cheeks red and his face lights up when he sees me.

"Stefan!" He yells, smiling, his arms hug me and I hug back.

"You made it." He says, grinning at me, I smile back.

"Of course." I say, standing there.

Him Bonnie and I sit down to talk, I tell them about the recent events in my life and they listen, happy to be here with me.

Bonnie's cellphone rings in the middle of dinner and she steps away, answering it.

"Bonnie's been busy lately." Damon says as she comes back inside she rolls her eyes and nods her head, sitting down.

"Yes, there is this married couple I'm counseling and it's like torture watching them, their obviously so wrong for each other. And she pretends that she doesn't have any problems and yeah its a mess." She laughs, getting back to dinner.

I smirk, looking down as I cut up my own chicken.

Damon must have noticed my expression because he asks me what's wrong?

I shrug it off playfully, but Bonnie is interested in this topic, too.

They both stare at me.

"I just know who you're talking about." I say as I fork a piece of chicken into my mouth.

Bonnie looks at me, her expression changed.

"Elena and Matt, right? The captain's wife?" I ask, and she nods,

swallowing her food.

I feel Damon tense up next to me.

"Stefan, how do you know Elena?" He asks, looking my way. I see the same judgment in his eyes from two weeks ago and I roll my eyes in annoyance.

"She buys drugs from me.. we didn't do anything but.. every time I'm around her. I want to, I get these lust feelings Damon and I can tell she feels a connection too.." I trail off and look at Damon.

He fidgets with his fork, his blue eyes filled with concern.

"What, spit it out." I say, annoyed, I take a sip of wine.

"You want a married women?" He asks in disbelief, judgment taking over his tone.

"Are you insane?" He adds and I feel my body tense up, I stare at him, coldly. The conversation takes a turns of events from

warm to tense.

"I don't need judgment from the perfect son." I mutter, looking away.

"Perfect? Hardly. You could of been but you got into drugs, you did it to yourself, Stefan. I don't feel sorry for you." He says, his voice polite and proper but I jerk back, burned to the core at his comment.

"My fault? You wanna know something Damon, I got into drugs because you stopped supporting me, you stopped caring and now you wonder why I'm so fucked up when all I wanted was your love, but you took it away like father did, like mother died and you expect me to fucking swim after that? No I sunk! And I did this."

I yank my sleeve up to reveal the scars on my upper arm, each one from the needle of the heroin.

He winces at them but keeps his face hard.

"Well that's what you do, you ruin your life because you can't cope. Can't act like an adult." He says, his voice cold and hard, almost void.

I feel anger float through my veins as my heart rate picks up. I slow clap for him and he looks up at me "Congratulations Damon you just proved to me how much of a heartless dick, you really are." I sneer and he looks hurt but my anger is fueling this rage inside of me.

"Don't you ever come back here and try to act like you care about me again.

I fucking hate you." I spit out, and he stares at me, not moving.

Bonnie tries to intervene but I cut her off.

"Oh and lusting after a married women? Can't be as bad as denying your love for the women right in front of you like a coward all those years, in fear of disappointing Daddy." I mock him my voice cold and Bonnie looks at Damon, a confused look on her face.

"At least I fucking stick to my choices like a man, you're a coward. So fuck you, I'm out."

I stand up and grab my plate, smashing it in the ground out of rage. Nobody tries to stop me as I leave and I don't care, the black night is the

perfect setting for my anger as I storm out and down the street. I had to get rid of this sadness from my heart and I knew exactly how, once I get back to my apartment I roll a joint, smashing some pills up in it. I light it up and lean my head back, , not caring if I lived or died from at this point.

I feel the effect of the drugs take over as I lean back, the room spinning but it's a good high, a great high.

My mind drifts back to Elena, I had to talk to her, tell her some things on my mind. I slowly get up, stumbling a bit as I make my way down the street.

The light seem blinding against my eyes and my skin's on fire but I feel very content and at peace as I feel the weed sensation kick in.

I stumble down the streets until I get to the residential pristine neighborhood she lived at, she must love living here, I notice there's

bushes on either side of the houses, the houses are huge and I'm sure there's alarm systems but I don't care at this point. I don't wanna be alone, tonight. My thoughts drift back to her address and I can barely make out the street signs but I see their car parked in the driveway, Mr and Mrs. Donavan the sign reads, leading to their house I smirk and walk into the black shadows behind the house, I assume which one is there bedroom and pick up some pebbles, throwing them as light as I can against the window.

She needs to hurry and get out here, I need her, need her body pressed against mine, even if it's just a hug, a pity hug, having her in my arms would be the best thing right now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Please review and rate, I'd really appreciate it!**

 _ **Elena**_

I'm sleeping when I suddenly hear a light rock hit the bathroom window, I bolt up and see that Matt is still sleeping. I pull on my robe, tiptoeing to the bathroom. Another rock hits the window and I feel fear creep into my bones. I open up the window gently and see a man standing there, it's so dark I can barely see anything but I recognize his stance. My heart leaps into my mouth as I pull back the window with shaky fingers.

What the hell was he doing here?

I feel my heart rise with panic as I exit the bathroom, going to the front door; I deactivate the alarm system and slip out the door, the wet grass feels weird against my feet as I walk to him.

I can barely see him in the dark but I know his eyes are on me, I feel tingles shoot down my spine.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I whisper in a hushed tone, pulling my black robe tighter against my chest. I notice his shaky movements in the dark as he steps closer to me.

"You shouldn't be here." I add, looking down, unable to deny the sparks I felt as he stepped closer. I could tell he wasn't sober by any means, his chuckles lightly and it makes my cheeks flush, my heart racing against my chest. Matt was sleeping below the window we were standing at and yet I

couldn't tear my eyes away from Stefan's shadow.

"Don't you dare act like you don't want me here." He says, and as he reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear I find myself slowly leaning into his touch a little, his makes shaky movements towards me, until i feel his body heat almost touching mine, my heart racing in my

chest.

You're so beautiful..." He whispers, still touching my face.

I feel my lips quiver at his gentle touch, his hands rough against my cheek.

"But, so sad." He trails off, leaning closer and I can smell the weed on his breath, my lips are trembling and I'm glad it's pitch black and we can't see each other.

"I'm not sad." I deny, gently touching his wrist to take it off my face, I feel his heartbeat against my fingers, it's steady but picks up when my fingers graze over his wrist.

"Don't lie. Show me how you feel." He whispers and soon I feel my back against the side of the house, I can see him in the light now, his eyes filled with lust, his look so deep I can't find the will power to push him away anymore.

Suddenly I hate him, I hate the way my body responds to him, I hate the fact that he's the reason my marriage is going to hell. I push against his chest, my palms sweaty as I try to push him off,

grunting in anger but I can't deny the way his heart pulses under my palm, his body so warm and inviting.

He's so close and if I wanted to I could just put an end to our suffering and lean down and kiss him, taste his lips on mine, finally. I gulp slightly and he smirks, his hand still on my face and my hand still on his wrist and for a moment it's like we're frozen in time, both so lost in each other we can barely think. I feel the warning signs go off in my head but I push them back as he leans down, our lips inches from touching.

"I can't get you out of my head, I feel foolish, wanting a married women so much, especially your type, a soccer mom. But the way you looked at me the day I was angry it was like you cared about me... do you care about me?" He asks, and I'm staring deep into his eyes as his hand caress my cheek.

"I..." I stutter, biting my lip.

He raises an eyebrow at me but the truth is it's so hard to think as he's pressed against me.

I don't answer him as I gently take my shaking arms and wrap them around his neck, pulling him into a hug. He's confused at first and I feel him at war with himself until he finally reaches around me with his arms, hugging me back.

We stand there in the dark just hugging each other and I run my fingers through his shaggy hair, closing my eyes. I feel his heart racing against my chest as I hold him there.

Our breaths are colliding together, bodies pressed against each other. His heart beat in sync with mine.

"I do care about you." I find myself admitting as I open my eyes.

And in his arms I find that security I don't with Matt that safe feeling, we don' talk for awhile, just enjoying the warm feeling of our bodies being molded into one.

We stand there, in the dark, neither of us saying anything, we're most likely to scared ruin this little piece of heaven.

Finally he speaks his up, the stubble on his chin pressing against my cheek.

"Come to the loft tomorrow." He whispers, in the dark.

I bite my lip out of surprise and pull away, his warmth leaves my body and I hug my arms over my chest where his head had just rested.

He stares at me, reaching up to fix another piece of hair that went awry.

I close my eyes, thinking over this, their was no denying there was an attraction to him, but it was weird, it was more then lust, yes, I did want to kiss him but I also wanted to listen to him, hear his deepest thoughts, although, he didn't seem like the sharing type and I was too stubborn to even list there was a problem with me.

We were polar opposites, Me, coming from a good, wealthy family, him, coming from something less then that, I could tell. But, we shared the same beliefs, that this life was meaningless, full of blurred lines and gray points. Whatever his soul was made out of, his and mine we're the same.

"Yes." I whisper, breathless, smiling.

He returns my smile, though it's more of a lazy one.

"Bye." I whisper, and he looks at me, and nods his head.

"Bye." He whispers back, and I watch him walk out of the community and I smile to myself, walking back inside.

I pause when I get to the Jackson's bed room and I see him sleeping, I smile down at him and gently touch his hair, he stirs but he doesn't wake up. I slip back into the bedroom and lay down next to my husband, he doesn't wake up but shifts in his sleep, I lay there, my back to him as I try not to smile but I can't part with this foolish smile on my face.

I will wake up tomorrow and be happy, I will no longer doubt the day as it begins, 'cause I know I will see him again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Elena**

Morning come's too soon and Matt rolls over to kiss my cheek awake, he smiles down at me with his loving eyes.

I instantly feel a pang of guilt in my stomach, but it washes away.

"Good morning." He murmurs.

"I'll take Jackson to school again, today. You get rest, are you sure you're feeling okay?" He asks, his warm hand on my forehead, I look up at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I whisper, pecking his lips.

He smiles, gets up and leaves the room and I lay back down, my arms spread out as I glance at the clock on the wall, it's 7:30, way too early to go see Stefan.

Jackson comes in to say good morning and I smile at him, patting the bed, motioning him to sit down.

He sits down, and I run my fingers through his dirty blonde hair, I kiss the top of his head and tell him to be good for dad, and he nods, rolling his blue eyes at me.

"You have book club after school, right?" I ask him and he nods his head.

Matt calls for him in the kitchen and he quickly pecks my cheek and I smile at him, and wave back as he leaves.

I hear Matt's truck leave the drive way and I lay my head back down, my heart racing at seeing Stefan again. I get off my bed and look in the mirror, my cheeks are flushed, bright pink and I can't contain the smile on my face.

I pull my hair up into a ponytail and decide to go for a nice jog to get my mind off things, I grab my running shoes and put them on, jogging outside.

The run lasts maybe about an hour, I come home, sweaty, my face flushed as I hop in the shower, I get out and decide to wear a pair of athletic shorts, a tank top and some flip flops. I take my hair out and it falls straight down my shoulders.

I jog down the street and instantly I am sweating in the hot sun, I sigh walking on the sidewalk, and barely make it to the loft, I press my hand against the metal door, breathing heavily against it.

I knock, I can feel the sweat dripping down my body as he answers the door, his green eyes scan over me, and then meets my eyes.

"I.. I uh kind of ran here." I say, smiling like a fool.

"I can tell." He says, a light smile on his face.

He moves so I can get by, his eyes not leaving my body until I turn around.

"If.. I could just use your restroom." I say, as polite as I can and he points toward a door, I walk there, and shut the door, studying myself in the mirror.

My hair is kind of frizzy now from the heat and there's little sweat droplets on my forehead.

Great, I looked terrible and he's probably regrets having me over.

I stare into his eyes again, he's wearing a red plaid shirt and khahki shorts, he looks really nice. The stubble on his cheek makes him look way older then he actually is.

I bite my lip and turn towards him again.

"Thanks for coming." He says, moving closer to me, I feel my heart rate pick up.

I move closer to him, and smile shyly, it had been awhile since I had been in close proximity to someone, like this. Hell, it had been awhile since I had a crush on someone.

It's kind of awkward as he suggest to sit on the sofa and we do, he gently slides his arm around me, and I don't question it has I lean into his body weight.

I can feel his abs against my back as I bite my lip, looking up at him, I see his green eyes on me, his mouth curled up into a half smile.

I wonder if I look as stupid as I feel right now.

Slowly he leans down and brushes his lips against mine, I feel my face begin to heat up as his skin touches mine, my heart beat picking up against my chest.

He pulls away a little to see my reaction, I freeze for a second before I press my lips into his soft lips, tingles shoot up my spine as his hand pushes my head forward, deepening the kiss, I close my eyes as alarm go off into my head that this is wrong, that I was going to hell for this, I pull back my lips and open my eyes a little to see his are still closed.

"Don't over think it.. just feel." He whispers, as his hand presses against my chest, I almost jump at the change of pace, but he doesn't touch my breasts, it's more like he wants to feel my heavy heart beat against his palm. I lean back in and capture my bottom lip into his top, he kisses me back, his hand going down to my waist, gently rubbing my hip bones with his rough thumbs. I open my mouth a little and his tongue dives into my mouth, exploring it, and I feel my head being feel dizzy as my arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer to me, his tongue massages mine and I fight the urge to moan as he lifts me up to set me down gently on his lap, one hand reaches into my hair to play with it, I feel those familiar tingles come back again, as I kiss him back, also playing with his hair.

We both moan as we kiss, he's greedy with me, his rubs are rough against my hipbones, and I feel my bones crumbling at his heated touch, my heart beat is tumbling against his chest as he pulls back, and our mouths are open as we both open our eyes, we both smile at the same time, as my nose rubs against his, before I take the lead, kissing him again, he let's me, and I feel my hand tug on the collar of his shirt, each kiss becomes more needy and heated as his hands drift up to my face, caressing my cheeks.

We finally pull back, and I open my eyes to see his cheeks are bright pink, his forehead resting against mine.

"Wow.." He whispers, and I feel the same way, that was the best damn kiss I ever had in months, it was passionate but not too selfish, and it made my head spin but instantly I feel guilty, Matt...

He goes in for another kiss, his hand on my thigh, but I close my eyes and put my palm on his chest.

He looks at me confused, he closes his mouth.

"I.. I can't." I exhale, looking down, although I was attracted to Stefan, I still wasn't ready to go all the way.

He nods in understanding, at which I am surprised at.

Suddenly his face lights up.

"Ever smoke?" He says, touching my face.

I smile, nodding my head.

"Alright, I got some good stuff." He says, standing up and walking out the room.

I throw my head back and smile, I feel like a teenage girl who just got her first kiss, my toes curling slightly.

Oh, God, what is wrong with me?

He comes back in with a bag of weed and I take the joint papers from him, he looks at me raising an eyebrow on his handsome face.

"I know how to do this." I say, smiling brightly, as I lick the papers with my tongue, he watches intently as I pinch a small amount of weed into the paper I just licked, I fold with precision and roll until I'm satisfied.

He looks up at me when I am finished.

"Not bad." He says impressed as he takes the joint from my hand and our fingers brush against each others.

He grabs the joint and puts it between his teeth, lighting it up.

I watch as he inhales, his eyes closing as he leans against the couch.

I kick off my sneakers and lean back against him again, he blows little circles in my face, in a teasing motion and I crinkle my nose. He laughs and takes the joint out of his mouth, pinching it between his fingers, he holds it to my mouth and I smirk, resting my lips on it, he holds it and watches as I inhale, the smoke filling my lungs, it had been quiet some time since I've smoked pot, but each time was always rush of peace.

I open my eyes a little bit and his green eyes are dead set on my lips, I pull back from the joint and lean up, nudging his nose with mine, he opens his mouth a little and I put my mouth on his, letting the smoke transfer from my mouth to his, a low moan escapes his mouth and when I pull back his eyes are in disbelief at me.

"What?" I shrug my shoulders and take the joint back, inhaling it.

"It's just you always seem to surprise me." He says, laughing, I'm still on his lap.

"Why because I'm old?" I tease, poking his ribs.

He shakes his head, his eyes clouded over as he grabs the joint from my hand, I lean my head against his chest, counting his heart beats.

"You're sexy as hell." He compliments me, blowing the smoke out, I smile, against his plaid shirt.

"You're not so bad yourself." I purr and we sit in silence, each finishing off the joint that I had just rolled, soon we're sprawled out on the red couch, it feels amazing against my skin, my head in on his lap and he's playing with my hair, amazed by the texture.

His hands stop, and he looks down at me.

"I want to show you something." He says, taking my hand, I look at him, and smile willing to go wherever he wants me to. He pulls me up and we intertwine hands, I start to put on my shoes but he stops me.

"It's just up there." He points to the ceiling and I agree and put my shoes down, walking with him, everything feels like blur, and it's great, we get up to what I assume is the roof.

He opens the door and we walk out of the rooftop, it's huge and there's white concrete every where and it burns against my skin as we walk to the edge, Stefan glances down at the city, and all I hear is car horns, and children shouts as they play in their backyards, the lights are almost a blur to me as I watch it.

He comes next to me and I watch as he looks out below.

"Isn't this just all insignificant?" He asks, glancing over at me.

I stare at him confusion.

"What do you mean?" I ask, as the wind blows my hair in different directions, I look over and see it is doing the same to Stefan, his red plaid shirt going up as closes his eyes for a brief second.

"Well, all the people down there, their just existing, not living, they don't even know what life really is.. how much this shit doesn't matter, how sad, and heartbreaking, and disappointing life can really be.. how fast." He trails off, stepping closer to the edge, his feet barely touching ground.

"It can change." He finishes, and I gasp as I grab his shoulder.

"You'll get yourself killed." I scold.

But he just meets my eyes with a lazy smile.

"Let me go, I'm just feeling how strong the wind is." He says, stepping back a few paces.

I let go of his shoulder and feel the wind on my own skin, I smile and step closer with him, reaching my arms out to the sky.

What he said does make sense, there was so much beauty in this world, and darkness.

"I understand.. lately, I've been feeling like.. I would never feel happy again, but..now I'm here and that's what I feel, I'm happy.

I say, a light in my eyes.

He smiles, nodding his head.

I can feel his breath get sucked in at my confession, and he pulls me closer, nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck.

I blush.

"I knew you'd understand." He says, wrapping his arms around my thin waist.

We watch the sun for a little bit, both lost in our own thoughts.

"Why are you like this?" I ask, and his body tenses us behind me, I rub his arm, to calm him down a little bit.

I hear him take a deep breath.

"I'm the reason for my own misery." He says quietly, his eyes surveying the world below him.

I turn my head to look at him, my eyebrows knitted in confusion over that simple sentence, Oh, what did he do to himself to make life so miserable?

My heart kind of aches at his sad expression, as I, too look out at the city below me, I notice cars whooshing past at fast speeds, two children on bikes, crossing the street.

"What do you mean?" I ask, in the open air, my eyes focused on the concrete below.

I feel his body tense up again, he continues to stare down where I am looking at, not saying a word.

I notice his cheeks are flushing red as I turn to look at him.

"It's okay, we don't have to talk." I say, resting my head against his shoulder, just enjoying the peace I was getting in his warm embrace.

His breath is hot on my face.

"I want to talk about you." He whispers, as he runs his fingers through my hair.

"M-e?" I choke out, surprised he would want to know about me.

I feel his nod against the side of my head.

"Yes, about you." He says again, chuckling lightly.

"You don't want to know about me." I say, my voice squeaking.

He pulls me closer to him so his head is resting against shoulder again, I close my eyes.

"I do, tell me something, anything." He whispers.

"Something about Elena that nobody else knows about, we're safe up here, you don't have to pretend with me." He adds, running his fingers through my hair again.

I close my eyes, feeling a small smile grow on my face.

"I don't know where to begin." I say truthfully, looking down at the city again.

"Why did you move to this crappy old town?" He asks, and my small smile turns into a grin.

"My husband, he'd lived here all his life until he got transferred to college about an hour away, when we got married this is where he decided to raise his child.." I trail off and he nods against me.

"Alright, but what if you could go anywhere, where would you go?" He asks.

I have to think about this a moment, California seems to strike home for me, I was raised there, until I transferred down here.

"California." I breathe out, and he looks at me surprised, raising his eyebrows.

"Small world." He mumbles, I notice he often liked to speak in riddles around me.

"You used to live there?" I say, not believing the odds.

"Yeah, L.A." He says in a matter-of-fact- tone.

"Si-mi-Valley." I raise my hand in mock surrender and his green eyes light up for a second.

"I know that place, wow you're kind of on the outskirts, huh?" He asks, looking at me.

"Yeah, yeah." I reply, rolling my eyes at his teasing and he laughs.

"Moving on.." He says once, he's recovered from his laughter, his cheeks red.

"Favorite color?" He asks, and I roll my eyes at the cliche question.

"I'm kidding.. I'm kidding." He says, smiling again, and it's nice to see him smile so openly to me.

"Why is it so hard for you to admit your flaws?"

I hold my breath, this conversation just took a deep turn.

"I. have a hard time doing that.." I say, sighing.

"I've noticed." He says, his voice gentle.

"I guess.. it was how I raised, my father's motto was: you're either the best or you're last.. so I guess that has a lot to do with it. I wasn't always attracted to power and excellence though, I used to be a simple person, I'd cut class, smoke weed behind the college building, I've done lots of crazy stuff. I guess.. I've always had a soft spot for bad boys.. I dated one back in high school, he was reckless, he gave me passion & I guess I just outgrew that streak because when I met Matt, he was the nicest guy I ever met..he was kind and he was polite and he was charming. All the girl's wanted him and I kind of felt like he could fix me you know? Turn me into a nice girl, not this horrible person. So I went after him, two dates turned into a proposal, and a proposal turned into marriage and one kid later, here I am. Back to square one." I say laugh quietly, not looking at his face.

I feel his lips on my cheek, I smile again, feeling my cheeks sore against his lips from all the smiling I did today.

"You're not a horrible person, Elena, you're lost just like me." He whispers against my ear and I feel my cheeks flush.

"Well, I guess it's a good thing we found each other." I whisper, turning around in his arms, and pressing my lips to his, he kisses me back, his hand cupping my cheek as he rubs tiny circles on my cheekbone.

I feel my head begin to spin again as I think about how close we are to the edge of this roof, how we could just fall together at any second, the exhilaration rushes through my bones as I deepen the kiss, his warm hands on my back, and my hands in his hair, sliding down his neck.

He moans into my mouth as our tongue collide, he lets me win this time as I massage my tongue carefully with his. I feel the wind pick up and it's almost like I am flying, floating in the air, and the only thing that's holding me down in his strong arms.

He pulls back for air and I join him, panting as he presses his forehead against mine.

"If you're wondering I haven't outgrew my spot for bad boys." I whisper against his cheek and he smiles.

I gasp as he swoops me up bridal style, his large arms over my entire body, I wrap my hands around his neck, laughing as he carries me downstairs.

We get back to his loft and he sets me down, I fall on the big red couch, laughing from the rushes going through me.

The room is spinning slightly and I shriek as he climbs on top of me, his green eyes scanning down my body again, making me feel like he could set me on fire.

He touches below my shirt and I look at him, my eyes on his.

His touch is rugged and rough as Matt's is gentle and loving.

He pulls me down so I am eye to eye with him with his hands.

I squeak a little and chuckles, leaning down and kissing me again.

My hands find his neck, with my eyes closed, as I tug on the end of his hair a little, he presses down on me with his entire body and I swear I see stars in the corner of my eyes.

I feel his hands up my shirt, their warm and they feel hot against my skin as he massages my stomach.

I moan low in the kiss, he gently sucks on my bottom lip with his teeth.

He releases my body lip from his teeth and I'm amazed as I feel it tingle, my panties are wet, I can feel them against my thigh.

I feel his fingers on a small part of my neck, tracing an area, I shiver against his touch.

He begins to stroke my neck with his rough fingers, I feel my breathing increase as I arch my neck up so he can get more access.

He takes me by surprise as he shifts his lips from the corner of my mouth to my neck, gently kissing down my neck with open mouthed kisses, he trails down to below my collarbone and stops, his nose brushing along my neck, the most sensitive part.

I feel my chest heaving as I wait for his next move, he gently blows on my neck where he just kissed and I moan loud.

"Stefan." I barely get out as he licks my neck gently from top to the bottom, I feel his mouth close over the area of my neck that is the most sensitive as he sucks on it gently.

I move my head to the side urging him to go on.

He trails kisses back up my neck as he blows his hot breath above my ear.

I feel my forehead break out into a sweat as I grip his thin t-shirt under my fingers.

I'm breathing heavily as I almost yelp out in surprise when he nips my neck, the sting is turned into pleasure when he sweeps his tongue over it, he bites down again, and I feel my hips buck underneath him.

I close my eyes panting as he pulls back, his green eyes on me.

"How.. " I start to say but he presses his finger to my lips as he leans down, biting onto my neck again, just below my ear, he begins sucking and a wave of tingles shoot through me as I keep a firm grip on his t-shirt. He was good, too good at this.

He pulls back when he knows he's made a tiny hickey, his voice breathless against my ear.

"Now when you see that hickey, you'll always know who did it." He whispers with a wink and I lean my head back, keeping my eyes closed, trying to catch my breath.

I was playing with fire and I didn't care if I lived or died getting burned.

I stare into his green eyes, studying his face, he has tiny freckles on the bridge of his nose, his cheek bones are high and defined, I watch as he clenches his jaw, while I look at him. I notice he has a tiny scar above his lip, I reach out and trace it with my finger.

"What's that from?" I ask in a hushed tone and he closes his eyes.

"Sixth grade, let's just say I wasn't the best at sports." He says with a light smile.

I laugh, tracing the scar, the skin feels rugged against my finger and he gently caresses my cheek when I pull away from the scar.

"God, you're so beautiful." He whispers, rubbing a circle over my cheek bone.

I hadn't heard those words in awhile, being called beautiful, Matt barely glanced my way anymore.

I grin, feeling my cheeks heat up again.

"And you're full of compliments." I tease, running my finger down his plaid shirt, stopping below his heart beat, I listen, as I feel a yawn coming on.

"I have to go soon." I whisper, yawning, as I lay back, he's beside me as he turns his head to look at me.

"I know." He says, and I catch a hint of sadness in his tone.

"But.. I'm so sleepy." I mumble, closing my eyes.

He grabs my arm and pulls me closer, stroking my hair against his fingers.

"Wake me up an a hour." I mumble, feeling his hands stroking my hair.

"I promise." He whispers, as he wraps his arms around me, I feel his warm chest against my head and I snuggle into it, feeling myself drifting from the world.

 **So Stelena is finally together, how do you feel about that? please review for me!**

 **You can always find me on tumblr - remember-to-bring-me-back :)**


	8. Chapter 8

_**Stefan**_

I look down at the amazing girl cuddled on my chest, her eyes closed, her breathing even against my chest. I absentmindedly run my fingers through her hair, thinking about how when I woke up this morning all I wanted to do was drown myself in drugs but now all I want to do is talk to this girl right in front of me. I can't believe we had so many things in common, not just interests but our beliefs, the way we think. We were even born in the same state, California, it is a small world after all.

I sigh a little and close my eyes, pulling her closer, I almost never want to let her go, but I know she has to leave soon.

I'm sorry I can't open up to you, I think as I look down at her.

But, I feel like I can, I know you won't judge me now, we're like the same person, you and I, I'm feeling things I haven't felt in awhile, not just happiness but an understanding.

I wonder how long it will take me to fuck it all up?

I'm not stupid, happy endings don't exist.

She's not yours, I remind myself as I feel my spirits get lowered.

I sigh again and pull my arms away, getting out of bed, I grab the wool blanket from the floor and cover her up.

I run my fingers through my messy hair, climbing up to the roof, once I'm up there I pull out a cigarette, memories of Elena and I flash through my head, they didn't even happen less then 24 hours ago.

I put the cigarette to my lips and grab the lighter from my back pocket, lighting it up.

I inhale the smoke and look out at the city again, the wind rushes past me, reminding me that I'm alive.

I should of never told Damon about Elena, but still, he had no right to act like that, judge me like he did. He reminded me of our father in that moment, his blue eyes we're always stern in my direction, only.

He'd push me, he pushed me towards following in his foot steps.

Father was always very critical of me, when I had told him I wanted to be a doctor after high school he told me don't dream such silly things.

So, I put a needle in that discussion and stopped talking about medical school with him, I knew he wasn't going to pay for me, and I barely had the money to afford the damn place myself.

I used to be good, such a good boy to my father, following every little order he said, not daring to question his authority.

I felt so much pressure, that I turned to something that I thought wouldn't let me down.

Drugs, they helped me out more then once, gave me an unbelievable high, and then left me crashing down, I was constantly looking for my next fix.

Drugs always make me feel like I'm the best, like no can compare, first, it started as a pick-me-up. A couple joints here and there just to relax as I took my bar exams, I wasn't the only lawyer in training getting my relaxation from drugs.  
I didn't think what I was doing was bad, because they always said they preferred cocaine.

I tried cocaine after I failed my first bar exam, it was the most amazing experience of my life.

Eventually, I turned towards heroin, then my best friend died from an overdose and I stopped using that, the death was my fault anyways, I clearly remember hanging out in his basement with some of the other dealers, doing our needles and just when I was starting to get high, he told me that he was getting tired, and we all laughed it off, like you can't fall asleep, man!

Eventually, we did a couple more needles and I remember laying down on his green couch, all the guy's laughing as we played some fucking game on the Nintendo, I think it was Mario.

My friend started coughing and we weren't paying attention, I remember getting up and being like somebody help him! But my friends just got louder and my vision was blurred as I watched his face turn a violet blue, choking on his own vomit. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get that image out of my head, every time someone mentioned heroin.

Some people told me it wasn't my fault, others wanted to beat the living shit of me.

I would of let them too, I was feeling so much pain at the point, and still dealing in my free time.

Nothing was feeling right in California, so I moved here, to boring Mystic Falls, where nothing bad ever happens, I'm sure that was the town's motto.

I roll my eyes as how corny it is, as I take another drag of my cigarette, I look down at my watch and see I'm supposed to wake Elena up in ten minutes.

My heart sinks a little as I realize that I don't know when the next time I'll see her.

I head back downstairs, trying not to think of my fucked up life as I sit down on the red couch, looking down at her.

She really is so beautiful, even though she is 5 years older then me. But, really what is age? That shit don't matter to me as it does to the media, I preferred older women, I wonder if she could teach me some things.

I grin slyly.

I stare down at her again, studying her face, she has the most perfect olive complexion and beautiful doe brown eyes, making her seem innocent, but then when she talks, she sounds tough, like she could kick the shit out of me, and I'd let her.

Her body is like a goddess, I watch as her chest rise and falls, I've only seen certain parts and it just makes me want her even more.

And it's not just her looks, her personality isn't like every one that lives here, it seems like she'd be a ride or die, and I respect that.

Her husband is so lucky to have her, I hope he kisses her every night and reminds her how beautiful she is, she seems like she doesn't take compliments that well, and I don't like that.

She had to know how special she was.

I look down at my watch again, lost in my thoughts of her as I see it's time to wake her up.

I gently lean down and kiss her cheek, she doesn't stir.

I look down at her pink lips and think dirty thoughts about other ways I could go about waking her up, but I stop thinking like that as I remind myself that this was probably be over soon. At least she wasn't using me to get to her husband, I believed she actually liked me, actually was interested in my life, although I didn't let her see much she still stayed with me and she was patient, and that meant a lot.

I brush my nose over her cheek and press my lips to hers, she stirs a little, opening her mouth and that's when I know she's awake.

I slip my tongue into her mouth, feeling her body heat pressed against mine.

She kisses me back, pulling my head closer with her hands, I close my eyes and feel shivers up my spine as her tongue plays with mine, it doesn't last long, and it surley makes me want her more, as she pulls back, breathless.

She mouth turns upwards into a grin.

"Hi." She whispers.

I brush my nose against her's again.

"Hi." I whisper back.

"Is it really time to go?" She whispers, running her thumb along my lips.

I nod, a sad smile on my face.

"Yes." I say, and she frowns a little as well, we both don't move, looking into each others eyes for a second.

I'm first to move back as I sit back on the couch, fiddling with my hands.

She sits next to me, her eyes staring straight forward.

"I don't want to go, is that selfish?" She whispers, not looking at me.

I gently reach out and puts my hands on her tense shoulders.

"No, of course, not." I say, rubbing her shoulders to relax her.

She closes her eyes, her body melting from my touch, I can feel it.

"I never act on my desires." She says in a low voice, as I knead her shoulders with my hand.

"That's not good, I feel like you should every once in awhile." I whisper against her shoulder, pressing a soft kiss on it.

"That's what my friend says." She replies, sighing a little.

I continue to rub her shoulders as we're silent, both scared to admit that this was either going to end in burning flames or paradise.

"Well, I'm glad I did." She finally whispers, and I stop rubbing her shoulders.

She stands up and I stand up with her.

"Text me?" She asks, with a cute smile it reminds me of a teenage girl after her first date.

"Of course." I say, walking with her to the door.

She turns around and pokes my chest with her finger.

"I hope to see you again, tomorrow." She smiles, and I grab her wrist gently with my hand.

"You will." I promise with my best fake smile.

But I can tell she sees right through me because she gently pulls away from my grasp, running her fingers down the back of my head.

"Hey, are you okay?" She asks, looking at her, her brown eyes filled with concern.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, as long as I see you again." I whisper, as I cup her cheeks with my hand, their red against my thumb.

She looks up into my eyes and smiles lightly.

"Okay." She finally whispers and I look down at her, smiling, it's true, I wasn't happy, but at least I had her make me feel better.

I didn't know when things would ever be alright, but as long as she sticks by me I know I will have more good then bad.

I lean down and kiss her forehead gently, pulling back.

"Bye." She whispers, as she turns out of my embrace and I watch her go, my heart sinking in my chest slightly.

After she leaves, I sink back onto the couch, wondering how I was going to survive without her?


	9. Chapter 9

**Elena**

I wake up the next morning and glance over at Matt who is fast asleep.

Guilt rushes through me as I pick up my phone, Stefan and I were texting all night and I had to hide the phone under the pillow so Matt wouldn't get suspicious.

I lean back on the bed, phone in hand, as Matt sleeps soundly next to me.

I'm not sure what time it is but all I want to do is text Stefan a good morning text.

I type away at the phone, my lips turned into a smile.

"Good morning." I send, and set my phone down on the dresser, waiting.

I stretch out and yawn lightly, careful not to wake Matt up.

Suddenly, Jackson bursts through the door in his star war pj's, his dirty blonde hair sticking up in all directions.

"Mom!" He exclaims, running over and wrapping his arms around my neck in a tight embrace.

I smile and hug him back closing my eyes, I had missed him so much.

"Hey sweetie." I smile, and pull back, ruffling his hair.

"Mom, can we go to the mall today?" He asks, his blue eyes like puppy's as they stare into mine.

"Of course, sweetie." I smile, and hear my phone buzz, my hands eager to check it.

I ignore it as Jackson pulls me out of the room.

"I think it's too early for the mall." I yawn, rubbing my eyes a little.

"I know, but can we have breakfast?" He gives me a shy smile and I smile back.

"Yes, waffles or pancakes?" I ask, going to the cupboard.

"WAFFLES!" He yells, and I laugh quietly, pulling out the waffle mix.

"Are you going to help me?" I ask, pulling out a bowl.

"Of course!" He exclaims, racing to get behind me.

"Alright we need two eggs, milk, butter." I start to trail off but he runs into the direction of the refrigerator, to get this things.

And it makes me feel special that he wants to spend time with me.

He pulls out the ingredients and I smile, engorging him to read the directions.

"So, you can learn when your mom isn't around to cook for you anymore." I say, poking his ribs gently with my finger.

He giggles, and begins to read the directions, humming lightly.

I smile at him and watch him, he's getting too big, too smart, and way too charming. I can't believe he was 11 now, it seemed like just yesterday he was 7, learning how to ride a bike and now he could ride a bike and help Matt fix his truck, I watched them work on that piece of junk, I don't know how many times.

"Alright mom, egg." He commands and I hand him the egg, and watch as he cracks it in the bowl.

Once we get the whole ingredients in the bowl, he sits down, as I pour the batter into the waffle maker, turning it on.

"Ten minutes." I say, sitting next to him and he seems lost in thought, his blue eyes in a daze as he scratches the scab below his knee.

"Are you okay, Jack?" I ask him, using his nickname, my eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"Are you and dad getting a divorce?" He suddenly blurts out, and I gasp at this question, my heart almost jumps out of my skin.

"Of course not." I say, reaching out and soothing back his hair.

"We're not." I say firmly, and we weren't in reality, Matt and I couldn't get divorced, it's not what we wanted.

He smiles a little.

"Okay." He says quietly, but I still stare at him, confused as to why this was on his mind.

"Where did you hear that?" I ask, curious.

"I didn't.. we're just studying about divorce in class." He explains.

I forgot he was taking health class, he was so perceptive, that boy.

I smile lightly, laying my hand on his shoulder.

"It's going to be okay, Jackson." I say, lying through my teeth.

Who knew if it was going to be okay?

Matt comes into the kitchen yawning, he looks over at us.

"Hey, buddy." He says, walking by Jackson and ruffling his hair.

I smile at Matt, his hair is almost sticking out in all directions, his blue eyes are on me.

"Good morning." He murmurs, kissing the top of my head.

"Good morning." I whisper and my mind floats back to Stefan briefly.

I wonder if he's okay..

"Waffles are in the maker, I trust you won't hurt yourself trying to get them out." I tease Matt and he smiles brightly at me.

"Nah." He says, his cheeks turning red from shame.

I was teasing him about the time he almost burned his hand very bad when he was trying to get the waffles out, he always did it at least once.

"Okay, good." I say, walking past him, I walk out of the kitchen and into the bedroom, grabbing my phone from under my pillow, I light up the screen and see there's a text message, my heart races as I touch it, starting to read.

"Good morning, sexy, hope your day isn't as boring as mine.. - Stefan.

I smile lightly, feeling heat come in my cheeks, he really needed to stop calling me sexy, I was far from it.

My fingers find the hidden hickey below my ear, I trace over it and lean back on my bed, a huge smile on my face. God, it was like I was 16 all over again.

I type fast.

"It's turning out well, better if you were here though.."

I send it, and hide my phone under my pillow, I quickly make it back to the kitchen and see Matt has successfully removed the waffles from the iron.

I give him a slow clap as a tease and he blushes, handing me a plate.

I thank him and sit down next to him.

"So, I was thinking since memorial day is coming up, we could go camping, buddy!" He says, looking at Jackson.

His face lights up and I find myself smiling.

"What about me?" I ask, looking at Matt.

"Well I thought this could be a father and son thing, Jackson and his old man!" He exclaims and I laugh along with Jackson.

I nod my head, a smile low on my face, I couldn't look too excited because then Matt would become suspicious. I stare down at my plate, and start eating.

If they were gone that means I could be with Stefan that whole weekend, excitement rushes through me.

"Besides, I figured you could use a day off or two." Matt says, smiling in my direction.

I smile back, nodding, but instantly I feel guilty again.

I wish Matt wasn't this good to me, then I could find a reason to leave him, but he wasn't. He was too good to me sometimes, and right now I really didn't deserve it.

Fake it 'till you make it, I remind myself and continue eating the waffles, we finish breakfast and Jackson and I spend the rest of the day at the mall, talking I catch up on the rest of Jackson's life.

We get home and he gets ready for bed, Stefan and I had always been texting all day and I told him that I was going to be staying with him all weekend and he replied that he'd be happy to have me and I blushed.

(A/N: please read and review, good things are yet to come!)


	10. Chapter 10

Friday comes by faster then expected and I try to keep myself busy in multiple activities, but every time I am alone, I think of Stefan.

Jackson and Matt kiss me goodbye and I watch them leave out the door, I quickly grab a suitcase and pack everything I was going to need for this long weekend.

I leave my house suitcase in hand as I head to my car, I drive over to Stefan's loft, knocking on the door.

The first thing he does when he answers is pull me into a kiss, it's soft and gentle and sweet and I pull back, a smile on my face.  
"Come in." He says, leading me inside.

I step inside and take off my coat to reveal my white dress, he looks down at it, then his green eyes gaze into my eyes, I feel my heart beat pick up inside my chest.

He looks nice too in his striped blue shirt and khaki shorts, he's barefoot and I notice he has rolling papers in his hands.

"Smoke with me?" He asks, smiling lightly.

I nod, and allow his hand to pull me onto the couch, I lean back against his strong body as I watch him roll the paper, he licks his lips in concentration, his arms bulging a little bit under his shirt.

God, he's so hot.

He hands me the joint and I take it from him, our fingers brushing and he still manages to send shivers up my spine.

"How was your week?" I whisper, curious to know what he did.

He leans in a tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, making my skin heat up where he touches.

I put the joint to my lips and grabs the lighter from the wooden table.

"Better,now." He answers truthfully as his hands comes up behind my waist, to pull me back against him.

I light up the joint and inhale leaning back against his, his thumbs running low circles against my hip bones, sending chills down my spine as I exhale.

I take deeper hit, and close my eyes, wanting to freeze the moment forever.

He said his week was better now that I'm here, I can't remember the last time someone talked to me like this.

I hand him the joint and lean back, watching him inhale, he coughs a little, and I put my hand on his chest, loving the feeling of his shirt against my finger tips.

"I love your shirt." I giggle and he chuckles low, his eyes scanning down my dress again.

We finish off the joint and move onto the next one, I wonder why I haven't kissed him yet? It feels so good against his body.

He runs his fingers through my hair, tilting my head up a little.

I hold my breath, trying not to laugh as he trails soft kisses down my jaw line.

It feels too damn good, like he's barley touching me, and I close my eyes, leaning my hand back more until he reaches my throat. He moves over until he finds the left of the throat, my collarbone as he nips at it lightly with his teeth.

"Don't stop." I whisper, breathless as his hands rub my stomach, gently, kneading it with his expert fingers.

He latches onto my weak spot, sucking hard as I lean back against his chest again, my hands squeezing his thigh lightly.

He groans low and I laugh low, feeling the room spinning slightly.

He stops sucking and notices how high I am, his hot breath against my ear.

"If you want me to stop, say something." He whispers, as he latches back onto my neck, his hands rubbing higher, so their resting below my ribcage, the thin material rubs against my bra as he rubs and I arch my back a little at this pressure.

He's so close to my bra but suddenly I feel something in brain go off, what if Matt was here right now? what if he was seeing all this, what if he knew?

I push Stefan off me, looking around.

He grunts but then his green eyes study me carefully, I feel them on the back of my head.

"Elena, are you okay?" He whispers, concerned as he touches my shoulder.

"What if Matt knows?" I ask, whipping around to face him.

"What if he's watching us right now?" I whisper, fear in my voice.

Stefan shakes his head, pulling me back into his arms, the warmth feels right.

"He's not, babe. He doesn't know, don't worry..you're being paranoid." He whispers against my ear.

Was I? weed barely made me paranoid.

"I am?" I ask confused.

Stefan nods against me, his laugh sends vibrations through out my entire body.

"Yes, we're fine, we're careful." he mumbles, nuzzling my neck.

"And we can stop if you want." He whispers again, pecking it lightly.

Suddenly, I feel my stomach growl, a smile on my face.

"I'm hungry." I sigh, playing with his fingers, their so thin, but beautiful, almost like he could play piano with them.

"Well let's see what I have in the fridge, then." He says, standing up and holding out his hand.

I take it, and he gets me up, his touch feather light against mine.

"Okay." I agree, smiling as we walk to his metal fridge in the corner of his kitchen.

He opens it and I stand behind him peeping over his shoulder.

"Let's see.. we got yogurt.. milk for cereal.." He trails off, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh wait, yogurt's out." He lifts it up and it's all moldy.

I giggle a little, covering my mouth with my hand.

He reminded me of me when I was in college, I didn't really keep my fridge up to date, and it drove my room mate's insane.

He raises an eyebrow at me and I shrug my shoulders.

"We could order take out." He grins at me, turning around so he's closer to me.

I stare up at him and nod, wrapping my arms around his strong neck.

"Take out sounds good." I say, smiling as I run my fingers down the back of his hair, gently.

He smiles briefly and closes his eyes, as I continue to do this.

"Kiss me." I whisper, wanting his lips on mine again, I didn't care if it was the last thing we did.

He leans down and presses his soft lips against mine, my stand on my toes a little to deepen the kiss, running my tongue along his bottom lip.

He hands slowly encase my waist, as he opens his mouth, my tongue explores his mouth, and he moans low in his throat, I press my body towards him again, needing to feel every inch on my skin.

We continue make out for a little bit, but I can tell it's almost not enough for him anymore, he wants more, and I'm not sure I can give it to him, I'm grateful for his patience though.

His hands slowly go done the curve of my spine, sending shiver down it, one hand cups my butt and suddenly I'm being lifted up on the counter, he doesn't break the kiss as I wrap my legs around his waist, he pulls me closer by my back until our I'm pressed against him, I feel the heat radiating off his body between my thighs.

Shivers run up my spine as he breaks the kiss, breathless.

I pant with him, pressing my hand against his shoulder.

"We didn't even order yet." He says, his hands coming up to my hair, playing with it.

I blush against his shoulder, trying to catch my breath.

"Go do it.." I whisper, pushing him back as I hop out the counter, he watches me and smiles, as he goes and leaves the room.

When he's gone, I turn around and run my fingers through my hair, my cheeks are on fire, I feel it. I can't contain this grin on my face, my body is tingling slightly from where he just touched.

How did I get myself into this mess?

I hop on the bar stool, crossing my legs.

He comes back moments later, his face as flushed as mine.

"Dinner is ordered." He says, slowly making his way back to me.

I smile softly at him, and put my hand out, he laughs as takes it, as I hop off the counter.

"What do you wanna do now?" He says against my ear, his hands against my waist again, making butterflies erupt in my stomach.

Suddenly we both jump when his phone rings again, he gives me a small smile as he grabs it, walking out of the room.

I sit back down on the bar stool, playing with the belt on my dress.

He comes back moments later a huge grin on his face.  
"Alright, no more take out, we just got invited to dinner."

I start to protest but he raises his hand up.

"It's in a different town, but guess who it is?" He says, smiling.

I raise an eyebrow and try to think.

"Tom!" He exclaims, I can tell he's excited from his giant smile.

I smile along with him.

I hadn't seen Tom since we moved, but I didn't know Stefan and him was this close.

It felt good to know Stefan had a friend to vent to though, whatever he was keeping inside of him, it was going to destroy him, I could tell.

I felt sad for Stefan, he was young, he didn't need so much sorrow in his life.

"When's dinner?" I ask, grinning, as I hop off the bar stool.

"Thirty minutes and if you don't want to go, I understand-." He starts to say, but I cut him off with a finger to his lips, a smile on my face as I look into his green eyes.

"No, I want to." I confirm, and his face eases up a little bit from broody to a smile.

"Alright." He finally says, intertwining our fingers.

I smile up at him.

"I better go get ready if we only have thirty minutes." I trail off, as he plays with our fingers.

"Nah, you already look beautiful." He says, staring into my eyes and there's so much honesty in his expression, it makes my heart jump.

I stare up at him, his shirt is now wrinkled from our make out session, his hair is a mess too.

But suddenly, I didn't care about appearances, if we went to dinner like this, who could judge us? Stefan is slowly teaching me that appearance's don't matter, I thought he was nothing but a low down drug dealer when I first met him but he's slowly proving me wrong, he is a gentle soul, just someone who wants to be adored, and I do, I adore him, but I feel like he's holding so much back from me, and it makes me sad, I told him a little about my life, why couldn't he tell me about his?

( **A/N: told you good things were yet to come, review and fav if you want, thank you for reading this story :) )**


	11. Chapter 11

We leave thirty minutes later, on his motorcycle, and I missed the feeling of freedom, as I wrap my arms around his waist, we get there and I see it's not the best place but I don't care, I'm here with Stefan, and that was enough.

We park in the parking lot, and get inside, it's like a buffet, and I feel my stomach growl lightly as we sit down.

"Tom must be late." Stefan mutters with a sigh of annoyance

"It's okay.. I'm going to go eat." I apologize with a smile but he nods, giving me a small smile.

I get up and go to the buffet, grabbing a plate, I walk around and decide to take a little bit of everything, I see they have burrito's and it instantly reminds me of California, I used to live off of burrito's.

I sit back down and Stefan stares at his plate, I gently sit closer to him, running my hand along his hair.

"Hey, you should eat, too." I say, and he looks at me, his green eyes unreadable as he nods, standing up.

I feel bad, because I know how much Stefan wanted to see Tom, I assumed they were like brothers, the way he was acting.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Tom show up, he's wearing a white t-shirt and black jeans, against flip flops, his black hair is longer from when I last saw him, touching down his back a little, his blue eyes light up as he sees us.

"Hey!" He exclaims, coming over to us and Stefan stands up, smiling.

"Tommy!" He shouts, and gives him a big hug, Tom pounds him on the back, chuckling.

"Salvatore." He says, chuckling as we sit down, I start to eat the food on my plate but I feel Tom's eyes on me.

"Elena?" He questions, giving Stefan a confused look, but then smiles at me.

"Hey Tom." I chirp, happily as I put down my fork.

He looks back and forth between us, a sly grin forming on his face, he juts Stefan in the ribs with his elbow, and I smile at him, a blush forming my cheeks.

Stefan ignores him, rubbing his side.

"I'm a little bit of a cradle robber." I say, referring of Stefan and I's current relations.

"You, sly dog." He says, pushing Stefan gently, with a laugh.

"Hey, I can't help older women are attracted to me." Stefan teases, glancing in my direction, I squint my eyes at him, playfully, before picking up my fork again.

"Well, I been there, too." He says, as he looks at me, I know he's referring to Caroline, as I look at him.

Stefan glances between the two of us, his eyebrows raised.

"He used to be involved with my best friend." I explain quickly, making Stefan let go of his theory that Tom and I used to hook up.

"Yeah, how is she by the way?" He asks me, his eyes showing a vulnerability in them.

He was still smitten over Caroline, great. She was trying to work on her marriage and she doesn't need you distracting her, I wanted to say, but I stop myself, it's not my place to judge, I mean look at what I was doing with Stefan, now.

Although, I feel like Stefan and I are different, it's not just about sex, he seems to understand me in ways a lot of people don't. And I hope I wasn't the only one thinking this way for things.

"She's good." I say, smiling at him and he nods, taking a sip of water.

"Anyways." Stefan says interrupting our conversation, as he looks over at who is still smiling, his cheeks red.

"How you been, man?" Tom asks, as the waitress asks him what he wants to drink, he says a doctor pepper, the waitress nods and writes it on the clipboard.

Stefan smiles large.

"I've been great man, sales are high this week, a lot of people, coming to me, I'm pretty happy about it." He says, smiling.

"That's great, man." Tom says, smiling also.

Stefan nods.

"What about you, how are things in California?" I ask, and Tom just shrugs.

"I can tell you one thing Salvatore, they still hate you down there." He says, laughing lightly, I watch Stefan's facial expression change from happiness back to broody, he licks his lips.

"Yeah, it isn't pretty." Tom says, sighing a little.

"What happened?" I ask, but Tom and Stefan don't say anything.

Stefan clears his throat, uncomfortably.

"Drop it, Tom." He says in a dead panned voice, and Tom stops talking.

I wonder why Stefan was being like this and what had happened, I felt like I was an outsider in the conversation.

Tom stares at him, uncomfortably, and for a brief moment it's awkward.

Tom goes to speak again, but Stefan cuts him off.

"Let's go get some food." He says, his face relaxed a little.

Suddenly both Tom and Stefan jump up, grabbing their plates.

"Be right back." He mumbles, touching my hand.

I nod, staring back down at my plate.

They get back and we engage in a conversation about Stefan's childhood, it's very light, but I know they want to say more, it's almost like Stefan warned him of being too personal, ever since that little slip up before dinner.

I find myself getting a little agitated as this secret Stefan is keeping from me, could he not just open up and tell me? Did he really have to be that secretive towards me, I thought we understood each other.

(A/N: Another chapter for you lovely people, thank you for all the kind comments and engorgement throughout this story, next chapter we'll figure out what Stefan is hiding, and Elena will finally get the truth, you will see things from his P.O.V.)


	12. Chapter 12

Dinner is over in a flash and Tom says he's going to arrange a club meeting next time, Stefan thanks them and they hug, promising to keep in touch, until next time.

After, Tom leaves, Stefan turns to me grinning.

"Ready to go?" He asks, handing me the motorcycle helmet.

I take it from him, and we walk out to his bike, I put it on my head to hide the angry expression.

We get back to the loft late, we walk in and Stefan turns the lights back on, acting like everything is fine between us, and I'm not very angry at him, because I am, but I am also sad, sad he won't open up to me.

So, we lay in bed, both facing the ceiling and Stefan is shirtless, but I'm too mad to care or even gaze at his beautiful body.

"Are you mad at me or something?" He asks in the dark, not turning towards me.

"No." I lie, and he turns towards me, I can see his green eyes in the dark.

He moves closer to me, kissing my lips lightly, and slowly I feel the anger melt away to passion as we continue to make out on the bed, he rolls me over so I'm on top, and I look down at him, my gaze is filled with lust, as my eyes rake over his body, I had only seen him shirtless once, but damn, he was too sexy.

I move the hair out of my face and lower my lips so their below mine, he reaches up to kiss me, and I let him, gently rubbing his abs with my fingertips, he groans low, running his hands down my back, and under my dress, lightly rubbing my ass in a circular motion, I almost want to moan, but I don't give him the satisfaction, I'm still very angry at him.

He pulls away, and we're both panting in the dark.

I lean down and kiss his neck, with my open mouth, he groans low, as I nibble at his jaw line.

"I..am...very..mad at you." I mumble, rolling my hips to tease him a little.

I see his eyes closed in the dark, his hands drop from my butt as I suck on his sweet spot, I almost wonder if he heard me.

Why?" He asks, dropping his hands completely.  
I get off him and lay back down and he looks at me awkwardly, I look up at the ceiling.  
"I know that I'm older but I thought you'd know how to read the signs if I was mad." I ask in calm tone, watching as he fiddles with his thumbs.  
"Well, I don't know you." He says, putting his hands over his hand.  
"And I don't know you." I say, my voice rising.  
"What are we even doing here?" I add on, watching as his arms tense up over his head.  
"I don't know." He says quietly and I look at him, shaking my head. He doesn't meet my stare.  
"Well, that's all I needed to know." I say in a icy tone as I start to get up, my heart sinking from disappointment  
His hand gently grabs my wrist, pulling me back.  
"Let go of me!" I say, my voice rising in anger.  
I'm was so blind to believe that things could be different with him.  
"But I do know that you make me happy and I enjoy your company, and I feel very very very attracted to you." He whispers, gently pulling me closer to him at each word.  
I feel my heart flutter a little, as I lean back against him.  
"I know those things." He says, moving my hair aside and his touch sends electricity down my spine.  
"What do you know?" He whispers against my ear.  
"I know...that you make me happy, too. But I want to know more about you, Stefan. I can tell you're not alright and it makes me sad. You're too young." I say, touching his cheek. I feel his heart rate pick up against my back. I'm not sure if it picks up in fear or anger.

"I don't want you to worry about me." He says, his voice cold.

"I want to.." I trail off, my voice sad.

"I'm afraid.. if you find out what I've done you'll run away, I just got you, I don't want to lose you.." He whispers, running his hand along my arm.

"You won't." I whisper but his face is twisted in pain and confusion and disbelief.

"Stefan, you won't." I say, my voice firm as I pull his head towards me with my hands, I press a gentle kiss to his soft lips.

I feel his relax in my touch.  
I pull away from the kiss and he gently rubs my cheek with his thumb.  
"Let me in." I whisper, watching his face slowly change from anger to confusion to pain and now it was something I couldn't read, he stares at me, licking his lips slowly, trying to form what he's thinking into words.

I stare at him, his heart thudding against me, his eyes are still closed and I smooth back his hair, waiting patiently for him.

"I need air." He mumbles, getting up slowly, I watch him go, as my hands shake slightly, why was it so hard to open up? Was it really that bad? That he ignored people that cared about him, he refused to talk about himself out of fear of saying the wrong thing, why was he so careful? Had he opened up to someone before and they ended up disappointing him to the point where he can no longer express himself?

I lay down in defeat, running my hands along my hair.

Didn't he know I didn't care?

I didn't care about his past, what he did, I wanted him to let me in, not push me out, like he just did. What do I have to do to show him I care, at least he said he doesn't want to lose me, and I don't want to lose him, lose him to this sadness, watch it eat away at his soul, as I stand helpless.

I get up and tie my hair in a messy bun, tip toeing out of his bedroom, quietly.

"Stefan?" I whisper, looking around for his body shape in the moonlight, it was dark and he couldn't have gone far.

"Stefan?" I say a little bit louder, and then I conclude he must be on the roof, because he said he needed some air.

I walk up to the roof, feeling my heart beat in my ears as I open the roof door.

There I see Stefan, in a hoodie, staring out at the horizon, a bar holding him back from the edge, I notice his fingers are gripping it, I rush to him quietly.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, standing next to him.

He barely glances at me, his breathing even, as he looks out at the city.

"Hey, Stefan." I say as I gently touch his back, I watch him close his green eyes for a brief second, as if he's losing himself in my touch.

"I'm sorry." I say louder, gulping slightly, the wind blows to us, and I sigh deeply in it, my hand still on his back.

"It's not your fault." He says, finally speaking up, he turns towards me, his eyes staring deep into mine, it sends shivers down my spine.

It's almost like he's being honest with me, clean cut.

"I shouldn't of pushed you.." I whisper, rubbing his back with my hand in comfort.

"I shouldn't of acted like that.. Elena, I'm stupid." He says, his shoulders sinking in defeat as he closes his eyes.

"You're not, you just.. you're so damaged, Stefan." I whisper, gently moving my hand from his back to his face.

"You torture yourself because you think you deserve it, but you don't. You don't have to hide, I'm here.. if you want me to be." I whisper, and he looks into my eyes, his green eyes filled with a lot of pain.

I stare at him, my eyes vulnerable against his pain, wind rushes past us and blows little strands of hair out of my bun.

He reaches down, and takes a few strands, tucking them behind my ear, gently.

I smile a little at him, his eyes on me, and we sit there for what seems like an eternity.

"I appreciate you being here for me.." He slowly says, studying my eyes.

I nod my head, knowing that he wasn't going to talk at all tonight, and I didn't want to push him so, I grab his hand, enjoying the warm flesh against mine.

"Come back to bed, then." I whisper, tugging him from the edge, he kind of strays a little but then agrees, walking with me down the stairs and back to the loft.

We get into the bed, and I lay down, he wraps his arms around me, pulling me close, his breath is slow in my ear as I lean back, the stubble from his chin, scratching at my shoulder.

"Thank you." He whispers into the dark and I see him smile, I smile back, gently rubbing his hand with my thumb.

Eventually, we fall asleep, wrapped into each other, his arms around me, as I sleep peacefully, but suddenly I feel his shudder next to me, his grip tightens on my arm, waking me up, I stare blindly as he rolls away, not facing me.

I shrug a little, yawning and figure he just might be having one of those dreams where you jump in them.

My heavy eyelids close for a second, until he starts thrashing around in bed, I bolt up in bed, staring blindly, haven just woken up, at his behavior. He's thrashing around and whispering something gently.

"Stefan!" I cry out, putting my hands on his shoulders but he's too strong, he pushes me back, and I land on my butt next to him, he almost knocked the wind out of me, his body still thrashing under the sheets.

"Tom, get a fucking ambulance!" He yells, and I sit up again, shaking him with all my might, his hoodie is soaked through and he tries to push me away, but I block his advances.

"Stefan, wake up!" I yell, shaking him with all my might, he shudders, and I realize he's awake, when he bolts up.

"Are you okay?" I ask, running my fingers down his sweaty cheek.

"You.. you said something about Tom?" I question, but he ignores all my questions and leans his head against my shoulder, breathing heavily.

I run my fingers down his hair, biting my lip, as I stroke his hair, in a soothing manner, sweat drips from his forehead on top my shoulder, and I close my eyes.

"Shh, it's okay." I mumble, as he breaths heavily against my shoulder.

"You're okay." I say, again, and bit by bit his breathing returns normal.

He pulls his head back, his voice low.

"I killed someone." He whispers, tears in his eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

_(A/N: this chapter contains graphic violence, but I hope you enjoy it!)_

 _Stefan_

Why would she ask me that? Ask me to let her in, open up to her, like she wanted to know the shitty details on my life? They don't matter, all the pain and the problems I have, she doesn't need to know about. I look at Elena like she is a beautiful sunshine, always doing what she can for the community, her son, even her husband, whom she claims she doesn't know what they are anymore, she's so full of light, and beautiful, and I constantly feel like I take away from the light, like I'm suffocating her slowly. And I don't want that, she's too good for me, I'm not stupid.

I wonder why she bothers with me, when I can't even open up to her about my past, I could tell she was mad at dinner but I didn't want to say anything, cause a scene in front of Tom. Well, she got snippy with me when we were making out, and then soon she was touching my face and telling me to let her in.

Let her in? Let her into the guilt and unbearable pain from my past, the fact that I killed but not intentionally my best friend, the fact that my brother and I haven't talked in 5 years and we were doing fine, and I ruined that, how I was never going to be good enough for anyone in my family, I'm so filled with rage and unhidden sadness, I know she sees it in my eyes. Her mouth always turns up into a slight smile, when she knows I'm sad, and that's usually when she caresses my cheek with her soft hand, and I close my eyes, taking the little bit of energy I need from her.

When she asked me what we're doing here, I answered truthfully, I don't know.

I don't know what she wants from me, but I know that she makes my shitty life a bit better every time I see her, and speak to her, I know she's beautiful and smart and funny and sexy as hell, and I admire her, admire her for being so strong in this fucked up world. But I know she's not strong enough to handle what I've been through, there's too much sorrow, she'll run away, I know she will. That's why I want to keep it to myself, hide it, not feel it, and enjoy my time with her while I can.

She's not yours, I remind myself again.

I look over at the roof, down at the city lights, trying to clear my head, suddenly I hear the door open.

She found me.

"Hey Stefan." She says, her hand finds a place on my back, and I close my eyes, gripping the bar with my fingers, that I'm holding onto.

If I jumped.. she wouldn't be able to catch me.

I don't look at her, scared I'll break down, or say something stupid that will send her running away from me again.

"I'm sorry." She says rising her voice again before the hollowing wind takes it away, the wind chills me to the bone, the hoodie I'm wearing barely contains the warmth in my body.

Sorry? Sorry for what? None of this was her fault.

"It's not your fault." I say, turning to look deep into her eyes, her mouth is trembling a little bit, and it makes me feel worse for treating her like this.

"I shouldn't of pushed you." She whispers, her hand not leaving my back, as I just stare at her.

No, Elena, this is all my fault, why don't you go?

"I shouldn't of acted like that, Elena... I'm stupid." I say, looking at her, but she shakes her head.

"You're not... you're.." She trails off for a second and I watch her, trying to think of words to call me that won't hurt my feelings, at this point, I didn't care about my feelings, I'm a mess.

Say I'm a mess.

"So.. damaged." She finally gets out, and I freeze, my insides turning cold at those words.

Damaged, fixed beyond repair.

She moves her touch from my back to her face, and I don't say anything.

Why was she so good to me? I didn't deserve it.

"You torture yourself because you think you deserve it.. but you don't. You don't have to hide.. I'm here... if you want me to be." She trails off, looking into my eyes, her brown eyes so vulnerable, that it makes me heart hurt.

I can't be what you want me to be, Elena, I'm nobody..

The wind howls towards us, and some strands of hair come out of her bun, blowing her into her face, I find myself gently reaching down and tucking the strands of hair back from her face, looking into her eyes.

She stares at her, her eyes doe and innocent, so brown and compassionate.

She smiles at me, and it sends tingles down my spine, it runs through my soul, like electricity, making me feel a tiny bit better.

Finally, I speak up, looking into her eyes, my fingers still on her cheeks.

"I appreciate you being there for me." I finally say, and I watch her nod her head slowly, still smiling lightly at me.

"Come back to bed, then." She whispers, taking her warm hand in my cold palm, I close my eyes and look over the the edge for a second but find my feet moving forward when she gently pulls me back from the edge, I walk with her downstairs.

I watch as she changes for bed, her tan body in the moonlight, showing me certain parts, she takes down her long hair and I stay in my hoodie and boxers, feeling cold, as I watch her.

We lay down on the bed, and I wrap my hands around her waist, pulling her closer to me so my chin is resting on her shoulder, she molds into me, and I inhale her sweet scent, she smells like lemon, bringing back memories of my childhood, making me smile.

Before I feel myself fall, I whisper thank you, she must of heard me because she rubs her thumb with my palm, making me even more sleepy, as my eyelids slowly shut, she's breathing peacefully next to me, her heart beat in sync with me as I find myself drifting from the world.

 _Dream_

"Stefan, stop being such a pansy." Tom says, as we walk down the street to our favorite, bar, we're back in California, and it's scorching.

I laugh and shake my head, dressed in shorts and a tank top.

"I'm not." I argue, and Tom punches me in the shoulder, in response, I rub my shoulder and look over across from us.

Suddenly, my friend appears out of nowhere.

"Hey, Kev." I yell, walking over to his and he smiles, meeting me halfway, he's dressed in black shorts and a white shirt, his skateboard under his arm.

"Tommy and I are about to hit up this bar, wanna go?" I ask him, looking at him but he doesn't reply, I stare at him.

"Hey, are you okay?" I ask, looking at him, my heart rate begins to pick up.

Tom looks at him too, suddenly, Kevin goes down, and he starts turning an unnatural shade of blue, he begins choking.

I cry out, pushing Tom back, as he tries to help him.

"Tom, call an ambulance!" I yell, pushing Tom towards the payphone.

But he doesn't move and suddenly I am being knocked over by Tom, he has his hands around my throat, digging his knees into my sides, making it unbearable to breath

"Tom, what the fuck!." I yell, trying to get him off me, but he punches me in the mouth, I cry out, feeling the blood drip from my lip to my chin.

"Kevin, is he okay?" I yell, and I see the tracks in Tom's arms, he must of just started hallucinating.

"You killed Kevin, you son of a bitch!" He yells, choking me with all his rage, his face is red like a tomato, and spit begins to collect, dripping down on me.

"NO." I shout, feeling my body become weak at this news.

"He said watch over him, Stefan, you let him die, it's all your fault." I feel as Tom starts banging my head into the concrete.

Suddenly, I am awaken from shaking, I bolt straight up, as I feel the sweat on my body, cool against the sheets.

I look around in the darkness, fearing this is just another dream, but then I hear her voice.

Elena.

"Are you okay?" She asks, running her light fingers down my sweat covered cheek, the touch is cool against my flesh, and I can't help but lean into it.

"You.. you said something about Tom." She questions, but I'm too exhausted to speak as I lean my head into her shoulder, breathing heavily, it's cold against my forehead and it feels good.

She continues to run her fingers along my hair, making my heart beat calmer at each second she does it, I still breathe heavily against her shoulder.

"You're okay." She whispers, as I feel my throat wheezing as I try to catch my breath.

I want to shake my head and tell her I'm not going to be okay, that I fucked so many things up, but I can't find my voice and I'm too tired.

"You're gonna be okay." She repeats, stroking my hair.

I feel my breathing return to normal, as I pull my head back, looking into her eyes, this was it, I was going to tell her, and hope she wasn't going to run away.

"I killed someone." I say, my voice hoarse as I close my eyes.

I feel her take a sharp breath, but she doesn't drop her hand from my hair, as she gently strokes it.

"W-what?" She asks, her voice low against my ear.

"It's my fault.. there was an accident." I whisper, closing my eyes as I picture Kevin's blue dead face in my eyes, as he reaches for me.

"What kind of accident?" She questions, her fingers still in my hair, calming me down.

I clear my throat, awkwardly.

"Heroin." I manage to get out and I feel her nod against my ear.

"What happened, Stefan?" She asks, rubbing my back with her free hand.

And I appreciate the comfort as I begin to tell her about that night in the basement and when I finished, I hang my head low, tears threaten to spill from my eyes, I don't want her to see me cry, but she gently lifts my head up.

But I turn my face away, feeling a tear run down my cheek.

"Stefan, look at me." She whispers, gently, but I turn my head away stubborn.

"Look at me." She says, firmly, gently raising my head to her level, I stare into her brown eyes, my heart thudding against my chest as she reaches out and flicks the tear away.

"I'm not going to run away, and you're not going to lose me, you don't have to torture yourself, it isn't you fault Kevin died, you did everything you could, Stefan. You can't control everything, Stefan, Some things are beyond our control." She whispers, sadly, as she holds my face in her delicate hands.

I stare into her eyes, a smile creeping on my face, but it's not a happy one, it's sad as I shake my head slightly.

"Yes, I did try my best to save him but my fault was letting him him do it, which caused him to overdose.. I could of stopped him, could of stopped him from getting high, but I didn't, I let us all drown in our misery, and I watched him ruin himself without doing shit to stop it." I say in a sad tone,, still looking at her, her facial expression changes from sadness, to confusion to determination, I wonder what thoughts was going in that pretty head of hers?

"Don't try to make this okay, because you and I know that it's not." I finish, feeling my eyes well up with tears again, I blink them away, fidgeting with my thumbs in my lap.

"It's not okay, you lost your best friend, but with him that night, you lost a part of yourself too and now you're letting the guilt consume you, and your entire soul, it's ripping away at the good parts of you Stefan, I'm not saying you're entirely bad, but we all make mistakes, I made a tons more, and I still make more to this day.. but killing whatever is left inside of you, is no way to live, you just have to learn to live with mistakes, otherwise, you'll let yourself drown in the guilt, and it will end you." She says, looking at me, her face upturned into that soft smile she does when I'm sad.

I stare away, looking at the white wall.

Was it too late to stop it from consuming me?

I sigh deeply.

"I guess I let it consume me because... when I was younger, an aspiring lawyer for my dad's company, every time I made a mistake, he called me stupid, he wouldn't let me do anything else until I corrected the mistake, when I was younger he would beat me... not for the right reasons, like lying or talking back, but .. just questioning him, his ability to take care of me.. my brother.. Damon he always protected me best he could.. but.. I let my dad control me, and I guess what I'm saying is I let him take away little parts of myself, until I fit into his description of me." I say, still not looking at her, as her hand comes up to my back, again rubbing it.

"Stefan, that's terrible." She whispers, and I can just imagine the tears in her eyes.

I shake my head, my hands going up to my face as I gently tug at my hair, wanting to hurt myself, it helps with the guilt and pain.

But she gently grabs my hands away, again, holding them, and I feel a little tingle go down my spine.

"Don't do that.." She whispers, rubbing my palm with her thumb, soothingly.

I open my eyes and her face is patient with me, her mouth trembling a little bit.

I shake my head, gulping lightly.

"I guess.. I'm not good enough for anyone, with or without my father. The truth is.. I don't matter to anyone." I chuckle, not in humor, but to keep from crying.

She shakes her head, her eye brows furrowed.

"You're good enough for me, you do matter to me." She whispers but I shake my head, pulling my hands from hers.

"You're just going to leave like everyone else." I whisper, and her shoulders sink a little bit, but she smiles softly at me, her hands under my chin as she lifts it up, my breath hitches in my throat.

"What about your husband?" I whisper, and I see her gaze start to falter but then she looks into my eyes again, her eyes shining.

"I'm not sure... what I feel for him anymore, he doesn't get me like you do, and I feel things I haven't felt in a long time with you, things I don't think I've felt with him at all..and as for leaving you, don't worry, I have intentions of doing that." I hear her promise, as she catches me by surprise again, gently leaning her lips onto mine.


	14. Chapter 14

_Stefan_

I'm startled at first, from the confession, how could she be so understanding and patient with me, willing to accept me and all my flaws? I don't want to mislead her and fuck up everything like I always do in my life. She might be honest with me about how she feels, when she says I matter to her, and of course she matters to me, but if I really let her in, I'm allowing her to crush my soul, if it comes down to that. But that's not the problem, I can handle pain, but I can't carry anymore of the guilt, and knowing how much I could hurt her and risk her from getting the things she loves taken away from her, from destroying her marriage, and her son possibly getting taken away, I can't help but feel a little selfish, but at the same time, the guilt in the aftermath will be the last straw. It will destroy me, but being with her right now, it melts away those fears and doubts, it's like I know the risk, but I have to know her.

I have to be with her, because she inspires me, inspires me to be good, she makes me feel like I am flying on top of the world and before only drugs could do that for me. And I watch her lean back, her eyes unguarded, as I see her smile softly at me, not out of pity but something I couldn't decipher in her brown eyes.

Finally, she speaks.

"I have no intentions of doing that." I hear her promise, as she gently leans her lips into mine, she kisses me, pulling me back from the edge again, as I lose myself in her.

I kiss her back, entangling my hand in her hair, deepening the kiss, she kisses me back, hands roaming my body, neither one of us breaking the kiss, as I lean her down, on top of her, I hear her erotic heartbeat against my chest, and I can't help but smile as we make out, my hand drifting up her shirt, her body warm against my wandering hand.

She pushes into me with her body a little, but I pull back, panting a long with her.

"I hope you mean that." I whisper into her skin as my nose brushes against her neck, my lips finding her sweet spot, nipping at the skin.

"Every... word." She pants against me, trying to catch her breath as I gently latch my teeth onto her neck, sucking lightly.

She moans against me, her hands in my hair, encouraging me.

"Good." I whisper, my hands drifting up her shirt, her heart beat rushing against me.

I feel her tense up though, so I pull my hand out, and gently kiss her lips, pulling myself back, she pants.

"Sorry.." She whispers, her hands running along her hair.

"No, I understand." I whisper, laying back down on the bed, I pull her closer to me.

I look down at her face and she smiles, resting her head on my chest, I close my eyes and gently runs my fingers through her hair, stroking it.

"I don't want to sleep.." I whisper, opening my eyes a little in fear that I made of fallen without knowing and this was another nightmare

But when I feel her warm hand in mine, stroking my knuckles with her thumb, I relax, closing my eyes.

"I'll fight away all your nightmares.." She whispers, pressing a kiss to my knuckles, and she snuggles closer to me. Her voice sounds sleepy and I chuckle lightly in the dark, feeling myself drifting from the world again.

 _Elena_

My eyes open, from the sun in them, I groan and feel a pair of strong arms against my waist, I smile, turning over a little to get a look at the man holding me captive. The sun is shining in his eyes, too, as he tries to roll over away from it, but he has such a tight grip on me and he must be still asleep.

"Stefan." I giggle, whispering as he turns over, taking me with him, he groans and mumbles something incoherent in response, his short breaths against my shoulder tell me that he is sleeping.

No nightmares for him which is good, looks like I really fought them away,liked I promised, before we went to bed, last night was tough on both of us, but I was grateful he finally let me in, now I understand the way he is, and I can help him, be there for him, because he has no one and it makes me sad. I smile, as he pulls me closer in his sleep, relaxing in my thoughts, I feel my heavy eyelids droop as I too, fall back into a peaceful sleep.

I wake up again, Stefan's arms are still around me, and I bury my face in his pillow, not wanting to get up now.

He groans too, and yawns, stretching out.

"Good morning." He whispers, against my shoulder, rubbing the scruff of his stubble against it.

I giggle lightly as it tickles against my shoulder.

"Stefan, stop." I mumble, slugging him in the arm with my free hand.

He ignores me and lightly bites my shoulder, causing me to jump against his embrace, a wave of pleasure goes through me.

"Stefan." I grit my teeth, trying to keep my voice firm, but I find myself flailing as I laugh.

"I'm going to bite you, right back." I say, turning around and straddling him, his hands go to my thigh and I pull down his hoodie a little bit, his hands rubbing my thighs gently, waiting.

My hair spills over his my face as I lean down, he goes to move it out of his face, but I slap his hands away, pressing my nose against the side of his neck, he smells so good like cologne.

I brush my lips against his neck and he groans lightly.

I smirk and hold down his hands over his head, getting a good balance for what I was about to do.

His green eyes stare into mine, he licks his lips and I lean down further, biting onto the side of his neck.

He groans again, as move my body against his in a teasing motion, I don't know what's fueling me to do this since I said I didn't want to go all the way last night, but I need to feel him pressed close to me like this again.

"Alright, that's enough of that." He gasps, as he grabs my wrists and pins me down, his body hovering over mine.

I look into his eyes, and he stares into mine, his green eyes is filled with lust as he leans down and kisses me, my hands find his back, as I kick him lightly with my toe, digging it into his rib cage.

He jumps lightly and pulls back, looking at me, and I wonder what he's thinking as we both breathe heavily.

"Breakfast?" He asks, chuckling, a mischievous glint in his green eyes, and it makes me shudder.

"Yes." I finally whisper and he gets up and pulls me along, his hand intertwined with mine as we enter his cramped kitchen.

"What's on the menu?" I ask, confused, still holding his hand.

"I was thinking... you." He says, looking over at me and I feel my cheeks heat up.

But I can't let myself say no to him, his smirk grows into a smug smile as he reaches down, picking me up and leaning me against the kitchen counter top, the granite feels strange against my butt, cold, I shudder, as his body gets in between my legs, running his hands down my thighs, gently.

"Just tell me when to stop." He whispers, against my ear and I feel my skin prickle at the rush of tingles that go through me.

I'm not sure why he wanted to do it here, in the kitchen but it was beyond hot and it's turning me on.

His hands stay on my thighs as he moves my butt closer to him, his hands on my thighs, he leans down and kisses me hard, I moan effortlessly and kiss him back, my cheeks turning red, as his fingers pull my legs apart from my inner thigh, my heart beat beings to thud against my chest.

He starts to pull back but I shake my head in the kiss, and runs my fingers into his hair, tugging it a little bit.

He's fueled by this when he sticks his tongue into my mouth, and massages my mouth with his tongue, exploring it, it's enough to drive me wild as he gently pulls off my boy shorts, my underwear slides against my nub and I almost moan at the pleasure, as if he was teasing me with this, and he probably was, giving me a little preview of what's to come.

He tongue plays with mine, the granite is cold against my legs as he pushes me further back.

His hands are along my inner thigh, he pulls back and starts kissing my neck, latching onto my sweet spot, my hips buck and I'm embarrassed the way my body responds to his teasing.

I feel them at the waste band of my panties, gently tugging those off too, there I am bare naked on the counter top, shivering from the cold, I start to feel myself get turned on, when Stefan pushes me back, causing excitement to rush through my veins as my covered back hits the granite.

He grabs my foot and begins kissing up it, past my ankles, and I watch him with half closed lids.

His lips travel up my knee cap, closer, I think, feeling myself blush as he starts kissing my inner thigh, his breathing heavy against my thigh, making me more turned on then I was before.

He takes one long lick at my core, causing me to close my eyes and lean my head back all the way.

"Oh god." I whimper as he continues doing this, his hands spreading my legs apart as he goes deeper, adding his tongue into the mix.

I moan again, feeling as I'm going to bash my head against this counter top, my hands finds his hair, yanking on it, as he pleasures me with his tongue, beads of sweat drop down my forehead.

"Oh my god, don't stop." I moan loud, feeling my insides start to explode and all I can see is stars when I try to open my eyes, I feel a familiar tightening in my stomach, as his tongue massages my sensitive nub, I pant, and still hold onto his hair.

"F-uck." I let out another breathy moan as I feel something plunge into of me, I open my eyes a little and see he's jamming his fingers inside of me.

I lean my head back, again, rolling my hips against his fingers, my begging turns into demands as I demand him not to stop, he looks up at me while he does it, pure concentration in his green eyes as he notices what I moan to and what I'm partial too.

I feel my stomach drop and I cry out, going on my first orgasm, as he breaths heavily against my leg.

"I'm just taking a break." He mumbles as he bites down on my inner thigh, sending more shivers up my spine, as I try to catch my breath, a break? like he was going to do this more then once?

I feel my heart beat pick up against my sweaty chest.

"Sorry but you just taste too good." He whispers, and I watch him taste the fingers he just put inside of me, a huge blush on my face, as he tells me to lay back down, I obey and he pulls me back under again.

Eventually, I see another flash of white, going onto my third orgasm, my legs are shaking underneath him and he pulls back, I can't believe he was standing all the time, I'm amazed at his body strength.

I wipe the sweat from my forehead and pant, trying to catch my breath, as I look down at him, he's watching me intently, his green eyes not leaving mine.

I start to get up but I feel to dizzy.

"I'll help you." He whispers, grabbing my boy shorts from the floor and sliding them back onto me, he holds out his hand, a cocky smirk on his face as I take it, he lifts me out of the table and I almost fall against him unable to stand.

"I take it your husband doesn't do that?" He whispers into my ear and I feel myself blush against his chest.

I hit him lightly, with the little strength I have left.

"Shut up." I mumble, and he chuckles lightly, picking me up bridal style and setting me down on the chair, I slow my breathing as I look up at him.

"Now, let me really cook you breakfast."

I blush deeply, laying my head down, as I hear him bang around some pots in the kitchen, eventually I lift up my head and watch him, he's shirtless and his face is smiling as he cracks some eggs in a bowl, I watch as it whisks it, his eyes finally meet mine and I give him a small smile.

How the fuck did I end up with someone so charming but so tortured but also, so sexy that I felt like a hot mess next to him? I think he knows about much I really like him, because when he's cooking, I catch him giving me little glances, making my skin crawl. At this point, I don't care about Matt, in fact I'm doing what Caroline had said, acting on my darkest desires and damn does it feel so good. Now I fully understand where Caroline was coming with Tom.. their relationship, Caroline was so happy, and now I'm so happy, but I couldn't bear if Matt found out, I think it would destroy us, so, I might as well enjoy this while it lasts, but Stefan finally opened up to me, told me some parts of his tragic pasts, and it was dark and it was heavy and I know this is turning into more then lust, I have a guy that finally understands me, and makes me laugh, and knows how to make me sweat in other areas, and honestly, he melted all the fears and doubts I hold deep inside of my mind, I'm going to enjoy this, enjoy him.

Stefan sets down the plate of eggs, and sits next to me, handing me a metal fork, I take it from him. I shiver a little bit, it was kind of cold today, he takes off his hoodie and hands it to me and I smile, putting it on.

"Thanks." I smile, digging in and he digs in also, there's not much talking, which is fine, because it's a comfortable silence, neither of us in an awkward position or hiding from each other.

When I finish, I set the fork down on the plate and it makes a clang noise.

Stefan's green eyes look into mine, sending shivers up my spine.

"Blunts after breakfast?" He asks with a cheeky smile, and I nod, taking his warm hand into mine.

We sit down on the couch where we shared our kiss and I lean back into him, watching him lean forward and set the papers on the wooden table, my eyes scan down to his fingers, working quick as he wraps the weed into a confined space, he picks up his creation and licks the top, folding it over, until he makes a blunt.

Once he's done he leans back and I fall against his chest, smiling, as he looks down at me, handing me the lighter, he hands me the blunt. And I raise it to my lips, taking the lighter, lighting it up, the smell makes me smile as I inhale it, holding it in, I lean my head back against his chest, and blow it out.

He looks down at me,a sly smile on his face.

"When did you start smoking?" He asks, and I shrug my shoulders, taking another hit.

"High school, my first boyfriend introduced me to it." I say, looking up at him as I see him nod, I hand him the blunt.

He inhales. And holds it in longer, closing his eyes as he blows it out.

We finish the fat blunt and I'm still on his lap, watching as he leans his head back along the couch, everything isn't tense, it's cool, as I play with the strings along his shorts, finally he speaks up, making me jump a little.

"I wanted to be a lawyer." He says, looking down at my reaction.

I gasp lightly, starting to giggle.

He jabs me in the ribs, in a teasing manner and I laugh harder, my head falling onto his lap.

"A lawyer?" A gasp between breaths.

"Yes." He says, as he strokes my hair.

"Well, I never wanted to be one, my father wanted me to be one."

I stop laughing and stare up at him, he seems so innocent from the angle, I reach up and brush my fingers against the stubble on his chin, the texture feels weird against my fingertips.

"What did you wanna be?" I ask, and he smiles, looking down at me, his green eyes shining with joy.

"I wanted to be a doctor." He whispers, putting a soft hand on my stomach.

"Why didn't you?" I whisper, feeling like he's touching my soul as he gently rubs my stomach.

It sends shivers down my spine.

"Well, I got into this.. my dad kicked me out and Tom taught me how to do this shit, and I enjoy it, so I kind of put that dream on hold, plus I couldn't go to medical school.." He trails off, and I sigh deeply.

My poor baby not being able to follow his dreams because of his father, he looks down and notices the anger in my eyes.

"Well, that's not fair." I spit out, and he just chuckles, stroking my hair with his hands.

"Calm down killer." He mumbles, pressing a light kiss to my forehead.

"Well, I can't help it, it's bull shit, please tell me your mother was better." I say, raising my voice a little bit.

But he shakes his head sadly, a sad smile falls on his lips and it almost makes me regretting bringing his mother into this.

"Nah, she died from cancer when I was sixteen.." He whispers, his eyes fill with grief and I lean up to touch his face again, it feels smooth against my fingers.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, touching his face in a soothing manner.

But he shrugs a little, letting me touch his face, his eyes closed.

"Well, shit happens.. what about you?" He asks, looking down at me.

"Well believe or not my family was less then picture perfect.. my mom, she was really heavy into drugs, she almost killed my brother with the amount of drugs she did during her pregnancy, luckily we got him out just in time, he was preemie, but by the grace of God, he lived.

Anyways, my mom was using really bad, and I kind of had to grow up and take care of my brother, and my dad was working so hard, and he would come home with grease stains all over his hands, messy hair, darker circles under his eyes from the night before, I could tell her was really losing himself, and I would always ask him, why are you doing this? She only spends the money on her stupid drug addiction, but he would just smile sadly, and touch my face, telling me I would understand one day, that love makes us do crazy things.. Anyways, by the time I was 16 I was working at a restaurant full time, trying to pay the bills and trying to go to school, and trying to take care of my brother. And one night I come home and she's digging through my purse, looking for money, and it made me so angry because she didn't work for this

money, and she wants to just steal it.

Eventually, she got help, but it wasn't the same and my brother and I barely talk to her, I don't know how, you know? Why would she do that to us? Why should she try to get clean and then ask her to forgive us when she did too many fucked up things? I can't find it in my heart to forgive her.

Stefan nods his head, an expression of stone on his face.

"So, you do know how I feel?" He asks in a quiet voice, hands still running through my hair.

I nod, and look up at him, gently grazing my teeth with my lip, I didn't feel like crying right now.

"And..then I met Matt, and he helped me, life became easier when him.. So, I guess that's why I keep up my image, and walk around like I'm perfect, constantly fearing that people are going to dig into my past, and found out where I actually came from.

I whisper, and he nods, an understanding in his green eyes.

"Let me show you something." He whispers, as he takes my hand in a comfortable way.

I nod, as he raises me up from the couch, and he starts walking down the hall, I look at all the beautiful painting on the wall, so colorful and exotic, and beautiful, I make a note to ask him who painted them later.

He grabs a string from the ceiling and a pair of stairs come down, he starts to climb then looks down at me.

"Be careful it's kind of dusty." He says in a embarrassed tone and I start to climb too.

We reach a room, it's a huge room, covered with boxing gear, a punching bag, hanging in the corner, dummy knifes and bars sit in the other corner.

"What is this?" I whisper, looking at him.

His smile makes me smile as he explains this is another one of his hobbies: boxing.

"You box?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah." He says, smirking as he grabs some gloves in the corner.

He tosses them to me, and I catch them, feeling the leather against my skin.

"I'll spar you..." He says, turning to me with a lazy smile.

"I don't even know how to box." I argue as I put on the gloves.

"Here, let me teach the basics."

Suddenly he's behind me and his breath in my ear, making me flinch a little, from the closeness, I feel my body heat up against his warmth.

"Well, it's easy." He whispers, moving his hands along my hoodie, I love the way his fingers feel against my clothed skin, as he presses into my ribs lightly.

"First you get down your basic punches and kicks, and then we move onto pressure points, which I'm going to teach you."

I feel myself zone out a little as he presses into my side again with his fingers, his voice a whisper against my ear, I feel his hot breath against my neck.

"Alright, spread your legs a little." He whispers, and I obey spreading them until he says stop.

"They should be shoulder width apart." He says, as he steps back a little, judging my form, I have to stop myself from whining as chill get sent down my body from the cold.

"You're gonna have to take off the hoodie, Elena." He says, his face patient as he pulls back, but I see that familiar glint of mischievous in his eyes as I reach for the end and lift if up over my head, I throw it somewhere in the room as I fix my hair, looking at him.

Now I'm standing in nothing but my boy shorts and a short tank top.

He resumes his place, and I can't see his face, but I'm sure his green eyes are scanning my body, I feel my heart beat pick up as he presses down on my ribs again.

"Alright, now that you're in the stance.. put your hands up." He whispers and I obey again, putting my hands up, so their covering my face.

"Alright, good girl, now.." He gently takes my hands and I wonder why he hasn't just pushed me against the wall and kissed me already, but part of me was eager to learn this, and Stefan was being an excellent teacher.

He rolls them so their in a fist and he stands back, admiring his work.

"Alright now do a little bounce, something to get you going." He says, as he watches me and suddenly I feel self conscious, as I do a little bounce. He watches me, and I

feel my cheeks heat up again, my heartbeat in my throat.

"Good, good.. now go like this." He starts to bounce up and down, mimicking the position I'm in as he juts his fists forward, showing me a couple punches.

He looks at me and moves closer, holding his hands out in front of my face, I try to do what he just did but he laughs as I punch his hand.

"no, no you're too tense, relax." He whispers as he comes behind me, you should be using this strength, he says as his hands come up to my abdomen, squeezing lightly.

I gulp slightly and nod, and he lets go.

"And remember chin down and elbows in." He says, as he stands in front of me, holding out his hands.

I follow his instructions and punch his hand, keeping my chin down and elbows in.

I hear his grunt as I punch, which I'm taken is a good sign.

"Alright, good, good." He says, impressed.

I smile up at him, gloves still on.

"Now I'm going to teach you pressure points." He says, as he comes behind me.

He begins to show me the different pressure points, as he touches my forehead, my neck, my throat, my arms, each touch sends a fire through my body as I try to control my breathing.

"Oh and kicks are easy, you can always kick here." He lifts up my foot and runs a finger along my shin, making me feel dizzy.

"Or here." He says, gliding the finger to my calf.

"Alright." He lets my foot down gently and claps his hands together.

"Ready to spar?" He asks, a smile on my face, and part of me is confused because he just touched some vulnerable body parts of me and still didn't want to push me up against the wall, I guess he really wants me to learn this.

"Ready when you are." I say, looking up at him, his green eyes is filled with determination as he puts on his boxing gloves.

"One, two, three." He whispers, and I get into my stance, putting my hands up, and keeping my chin and elbows in check, as I bounce up and down, he does the same, as he swipes with a punch to the left but I duck, getting him in the stomach, he grunts low, as recovers, throwing a punch at my head, but I block it with my hand, getting closer to him.

"Not bad." He murmurs and I start to smile but he surprises me with a kick to my shin, I grunt in pain as I fall down, he's on top of me, and has me in a headlock, I don't know why but it doesn't scare me as he chokes me slowly, probably waiting for me to tap out, but I go to punch him with my glove, and he blocks, it and finally I tap his arm, he lets go, and I fall on the ground panting, we couldn't have been fighting for more then two minutes.

He grabs my hand, but I shake my head, and he leans down next to me, his expression worried as he touches my face.

"Elena, you okay?" He asks, but I start laughing, feeling this new found joy at the pit of my stomach, he looks at me confused as he touches the side of my cheek with his rough thumb, his eyebrows furrowed, and green eyes filled with concern.

I stop laughing, but giggle quietly sitting up.

"Honestly, Stefan, I haven't felt more alive." I whisper, using his hand to pull him on top of me, he laughs and smiles as he falls on top of me, our heavy breathing fills the room, as I look into his eyes, a light smile on my face, as I wipe the sweat from his forehead, I notice his ribs are bruised a little where I punched him the first time.

I touch them lightly and he groans.

"You should put some ice on that." I say, as I stand up, holding the wall for support, part of me forgetting that I'm high.

He starts to protest but I ignore him, walking back down the stairs, raiding the kitchen for an ice pack.

I find one in the back of his freezer, he really needed to go grocery shopping I think and take it in my cold hand, I turn around and he's watching me in the doorway, a sly smile on his lips.

"Sit down." I order and he's reluctant at first but I raise an eyebrow at him, telling him that I'm not playing, right now, so he sits on the wooden chair, groaning lightly.

I come up to him with the ice pack in my hand, pressing it lightly on his ribs, he groans in pain but lets me, and I give him my hand to squeeze.

"Sorry." I say embarrassed, that I put him through this pain.

"No, it's fine." He mumbles, kissing my knuckles with the brush of his lips.

"Okay." I say, pressing the ice pack on him, he notices my feet are shaking a little, so he grabs me by my waist and sits me on his lap, I sit there, holding the ice pack and looking into his green eyes.

"You did good up there, I'm impressed." He whispers, intertwining our fingers.

I smile, feeling a rush of tingles go trough me.

"Well, I got a really good teacher." I whisper, pressing my lips to the side of his neck, kissing it.

He groans loud, placing his hand over mine, careful to keep the ice pack steady.

"And you're a really hot nurse." He says, breathless as I kiss below his neck to his collarbone, his body is warm against mine and I feel safe in his arms like this.

I nip a little at his neck, he groans and I run my fingers over the ice pack, and onto his perfectly crafted abs, I mean seriously it was like he was Ryan Gosling or something.

I continue to kiss him, rubbing my toe along the inside of his leg, he groans low, his hand drops from the ice pack, and pulls me closer to him by my back, I moan also, feeling the cold on my back from the ice pack, I caress his cheeks, and his arms wrap around my waist, as we make out, he moves against me, and I move against him, his hardens against my thigh, and I feel the exposed wetness hit the air from me, he leans back on the chair, as I change positions straddling him, the ice pack falls to the floor and neither of us go to retrieve it, as his hands find their way through my hair, and I rub my toe higher, feeling an electric spark go through my body as he leans me closer to him, so I'm pressed against his erection, he slides down two straps from my tank top and kisses my shoulder, biting it, I moan, throwing my head back lightly, my breathing heavy, as I try to catch my breath. This was our last night day together and I feel my high begin to fade as we both jump at his phone ringing in the background, he groans and pulls away from kissing my shoulder, and I look at him, his green eyes looking at me so deep, it sends a fire in the pit of my stomach.

"Be right back." He mumbles, lifting me up even though his rib is bruised and sets me down on the chair, I just run my fingers through my messy hair and nod, feeling a blush come to my cheeks, at how far we went, and how I didn't want to stop, but maybe it's better if we did.

He comes back moments later.

"Got any club wear?" He asks, looking at me.

I raise an eyebrow at him, and he laughs, his cheeks red.

"Tom invited us to a club tonight." He explains, looking at me.

"If that's okay?" He asks, sitting next to me.

I lean down and pick up the ice pack, pressing it against his ribs.

"No, it's fine." I whisper, kind of excited about the club part, it had been years since I had partied.

He looks at me though, his green eyes searching for some kind of doubt, and that's why I like him so much, he always knew what I was thinking, even if to me, he was unpredictable.

When he sees no traces of doubt he gently smile at me.

"Alright, it's a date." He whispers against my ear and I smile, yawning lowly.

"A date." I confirm.

"Now keep that ice pack on, I'm going to go shower." I say, as I stand up, and he obeys me, not touching me as I walk past him.

I turn around and crinkle my noise.

"Sorry.." I whisper, softly.

The thing is I wanted to do it, I did, but I felt like right now wasn't the best time.

But he waves me off, smiling.

"I told you I understand, Elena." He says, smiling at me.

I smile at him, running my fingers through my hair. How was he so understanding with me? Even if I felt like I was teasing 'because I was, but still?

"Okay." I whisper, as I walk out of the room, and into his bedroom, I take off my tank top and shorts, throwing them on his floor, I enter the bathroom and see the clear glass shower, I turn on the water, and step in, it's piping hot and it feels good against my aching muscles.

I shower quickly, and wrap a towel around me, looking in the mirror, my black hair is wet and slicked back, the circles that were under my eyes disappeared and I touch my face, smiling, my cheeks red. Stefan makes me feel too good, even when I don't want to, he makes me feel like a different person, so full of light and happy and care free, I don't want to leave him, don't want to go back to my boring life, I want to be selfish one moment longer, but I fear if I do, karma will come back and bite me in the ass, and make me sad again. I shake away these thoughts.

No, I'm determined to make this night count with Stefan.

No thinking about goodbyes, I worry too much I need to just let go, put the things he taught me to the test, not living on appearances but just having fun, and making the most of this fucked up life.

I quickly throw my hair into a messy bun and search around in my clothes for an outfit, I stumble upon a black mini skirt, and I throw it on, over my panties, my mind in a frenzy over a shirt, all the shirts I owned were boring and professional.

I smile in surprise when I notice Stefan's red plaid shirt in the corner, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I burrowed it for tonight. I throw on my bra and put on the red plaid shirt, buttoning it in the front, I tuck it into the skirt, and check my outfit in the mirror. Hmm. Not bad.

I wing my eyes and put on red lipstick, my hair still a messy bun against my head, I decide to leave it as I walk out into the kitchen, Stefan's eyes light up when he sees me.

"God damn it, Elena." He cusses, walking up to me and pulling me closer by the waist.

"Do I look alright?" I ask, kind of worried he was mad I was wearing his shirt.

"No, you look very sexy in my shirt." He whispers against my ear, and I feel his hot breath on my neck again.

"What are you going to wear?" I ask, looking at him and he smiles at me, pulling back.

"Yeah, I gotta go get ready, I suppose." He winks and kisses me on the forehead lightly, he gently squeezes my ass on the way out, and I jump, and when I look over at him, he smirks, leaving for the shower.

 **(Welp this is chapter includes smutty stelena, angsty stelena, and stelena being cute af, I hope you enjoy it if you're still reading this)**


	15. Chapter 15

**(This is probably the time you've all been waiting for, honestly, my favorite thing to write is fluffy SE so, here you go! please review and rate guys, it means a lot you're still so into this story :) )**

 **Stefan**

I leave the Elena in the kitchen, as I walk to the bedroom, a peel off my shirt, and start the shower, taking off the rest of my clothes, I step in and my thoughts drift back to Elena, how damaged she really was, but she was very good at hiding it, her life story about her mom and dad and how she can't forgive her mom, like I can't even think about forgiving my dad. My thoughts drift back to Damon for a moment and a sadness rushes through me, I guess I fucked that one up to, but I know as long as my brother has the influence of our father in his life, our relationship won't work right now. But I also want to laugh at Damon, tell him how wrong he is, that being with this married women, being with Elena was the best thing that happened to me in a long time. She's so sexy and she's so demanding and she's so kind and caring and understanding, and I find myself drawn to her. And when we kiss each kiss is like the first one, and each touch is like fire to my soul.

When she came out wearing my plaid shirt moments later, it took everything in my might not to grab her and push her against that wall, I was honored and prideful she was wearing my shirt though, maybe I'll let her keep it, her husband will ask where she got it from and I'll be happy knowing it'll drive him bat shit crazy as he wonders where it all went wrong. Elena, well, it seemed like no one loved or took care of her needs in a long time, and I have no problem doing that, but it also made me sad, the Captain has a great wife and he should realize that. And for some reason she only wanted to be with me? I was speechless when she told me she didn't know how she felt about her husband and that with me it was different, God, I wanted her so bad, but I had to wait, until she was ready, until it was on her own terms. She has to want to be with me, I wasn't going to force her into anything.

I quickly shower and throw on a pair of jeans, looking through my closet for a shirt I can wear tonight. I can't believe Elena agreed to come out to this club tonight, it's not because I think she's old I was surprised, I just thought clubs wasn't her scene.

I quickly dress and shag out my hair, letting it air dry.

Elena comes in, in her tight little shirt and my plaid shirt, her brown eyes looking at me curiously.

"Almost time to go." I say, as I brush past her, and she smiles at me.

Then it hit me this is going to be the last night with her, I feel my heart drop in sadness, as she grabs my hand, I look over at her and she smiles, intertwining our fingers, she always had this weird quirk of always knowing what was on my mind, and I liked it for that, she always knew how to comfort me.

I smile up at her and she grabs the motorcycle helmet from my dresser, we walk out of the house together and onto my bike.

We get to the club twenty minutes later, and it's lit, music is playing loud, people are standing in line. How are we going to get in? I think as I park my bike, she unwraps her arms around my waist and gets off, she takes off her helmet, and I watch as her long brown hair sways into the breeze.

I smile lightly at her and take off my own helmet, she grabs my hand and we make it through the crowd of people, surprisingly the bouncer lets us in right away.

We get to the back of the v.i.p section where there are a couple slot machines and a two purple couches, Tom's sitting by one of them, talking to a familiar blonde girl, when Elena freezes, I realize it's her best friend.

"Hey, you okay?" I ask, turning around her, but she nods, as she grabs my hand again.

"Let's do this." She whispers, we walk up to them and Caroline smiles at Elena, hugging her.

"About time you two showed up." Caroline says, looking at me and I go to make an excuse but Elena laughs, and shrugs her shoulders. I sit down next to Tom while Caroline and Elena make talk in the back ground.

"Hey, man!" he exclaims, patting me on the back, I laugh and slug him in the shoulder.

"hey, yourself." I say, and he smiles.

We begin talking about old times and then Caroline and Elena join our conversation and we all talk surprisingly well.

We order drinks and drink, suddenly Elena hears a song and she jumps up, taking my hand.

"Let's go dance." She says, excitingly and I see a familiar haze in her eyes, she must be a little tipsy.

"Ahhh, I don't dance." I say, shaking my head, but she pouts at me, and Tom and Caroline urge us to go, so I finally give in as she shouts with glee, holding onto my hand.

We get to the dance floor, and I wrap my hands around her waist, she backs up against me, and soon we're dancing so slow and it makes heat come into my cheeks, my heart thudding against my chest as we grind to the music, my hands rub her sides, as she leans her head back, snaking her arm around my neck, we're both sweaty, but I don't want to stop dancing, this is the first time in a long time I've had this much fun at a club and I order her and I a round of shots, soon we're drinking them and dancing , she pushes against me, and all I can smell is her scent on my nose, as my nose brushes against her neck, she runs her fingers through my messy hair, matching my rhythm. I feel sparks go down my spine, and I'm beginning to feel horny when Tom taps on my shoulder, I tell him to fuck off, but he keeps tapping and Elena stops dancing, I look down at her, her hair's a mess, and her makeup is smudged a little, I wonder if there's red marks on my neck, from where she was kissing it.

She urges me to go and soon grabs Caroline, I watch them dance together as Tom pulls me aside at the bar.

"What?" I ask, annoyed, but my best friend rolls his eyes.

"We need to talk." He says, eyeing me with seriousness.

"What is it?" I ask, sobering up at the expression on his face, I knew he meant business.

"The other gangs are looking for you, they sent me a warning to tell you." He says, as he looks at me.

I roll my eyes.

Bull shit, they couldn't touch me.

"I'll be fine, Tom." I say, starting to get up but he pulls me back down.

"Stefan, I'm serious, I've heard horror stories about this gang." He says, his eyes focused on me.  
"I appreciate your concern but I got this." I say in a smooth tone, as I pat his chest, he just looks at me sadly.

"Alright, just ignore my warning then." He says, rolling his eyes,

"Come on Tommy, you know I'm going to be fine." I say, as I down another shot.

Little did I know a pair of ears were listening to us, I turn around and see Elena, a worried expression on her face.

"Is this true?" She asks, her mouth half open at this supposed terrifying news.

"Yeah, but I'll be fine." I say, grabbing her hands and kissing her palms.

"Stefan.." She whispers, sighing, as she looks at Tom, I turn around and see him shaking his head at her.

I groan, kind of annoyed of his attitude.

"Wanna leave?" I ask Elena, but she looks at me confused, finally she sighs and nods her head.

"If you want to." She says.

So we leave and as I hug Tom goodbye he whispers for me to be careful and I sigh, nodding my head, Caroline and Elena say their goodbyes.

The motorcycle ride home is tense and when I park in my garage, Elena jumps off the bike so fast you'd think it was on fire.

I sigh deeply, taking off my helmet as she does, running my fingers along my hair.

I didn't need her to worry about me, I could take care of myself, yet I knew she was going to worry about me no matter what I said, but I didn't want her to be mad at me.

We don't say anything as we enter the loft and I lock the door behind me.

She whips around and stares at me, her eyes filled with worry.

"I know you don't want me to worry.. but I just want you to be safe." She whispers, touching my cheek and I look into her shiny brown eyes, my heart swelling with happiness.

"I know, but I'll be fine." I whisper, but she quickly drops her hand from my face, her brown eyes guarded.

"That's all you ever say, you'll be fine." She mimics me and I look down at her, surprised.

"Stefan, we don't know what this life will throw at us.." She yells, throwing off her jacket in anger, her eyes glaring at me.

"You don't know if you're going to be fine." she says, her voice raising at each word.

"All I know if I lose you in the future.. I won't be able to live with myself, Stefan. You make everything better, you inspire me, and you helped me, and you believe in me when no one else did, and you..challenge me to let my dark side in, to give into my desires, so if you don't come back alive, I'll be all alone again, and I don't think I can live with that.." She whispers, her hands running down her beautiful hair, her tone sad.

I'm almost taken back from her expression, and I immediately wrap my strong arms around her gentle waist, but she pushes me off, still angry with me.  
"No.. I hate you!" She yells, shoving me, and I let her, as she beats at my chest with her fists, all the while, my heart is breaking, but I know she doesn't mean it, she's just frustrated with me, I would be too, and how stubborn I can be, I just don't want her worrying about me.

She doesn't allow herself to cry though, but she's shaking against me, and I feel guilty for putting her into this position.

She finally gives up as she sobs into my chest, my fingers stroking her hair, as she gently calms down.

"Hey, I'll be okay, I promise." I whisper as I kiss her hair, but she shakes her head, and I pull back, tilting her head up, my thumb brushes over her tears and she closes her eyes, breathing shallow against me.

"Hey, I don't know.. I don't know how to say this but.. it's you, Elena. You inspire me to be a better person, you listen to me, and you let me talk, and you drive me crazy, and I.. I never felt this way before in my entire life.. and I think this is called love right? Because I admire you, I admire your strength and your caring heart.. and I guess what I'm trying to say is.. Elena Gilbert. I love you." I whisper, as I brush her cheeks with my hands, she closes her eyes, and I begin to think I've said the wrong thing, but she leans up and kisses me, her lips, melting away any fears.

She pulls back gently.

"I love you too, Stefan." She whispers.

I feel my heart melt with joy as I pick her up, she wraps her strong arms around my neck, pulling me close. And even if I were to die tomorrow this would be the one thing I would never change, meeting Elena Gilbert, and letting her change my life.


	16. Chapter 16

_(Enjoy this chapter because things just get rougher after this, thank you for the reviews, but I'm just going to say this I don't really focus on Matt and Jackson so much in this fic (Yes, that is completely fucked up) but it is an stelena story, I hope I don't lose followers because of this lmao anyways, I might go back and rewrite more, it's just never occurred to me. So, enjoy this SE sex fest, and no I'm sorry but Elena will not be getting pregnant (spoiler alert!) I hope you can still enjoy this)_

 _Elena_

He lifts me up from the floor, and I wrap my strong arms around his neck, I'm blown away from his confession but I'm also giddy inside.

He loves me, and I love him.

He sets me down, and I look at him, we're both smiling, and his cheeks are red, and I feel mine heat up.

"Bed time?" he whispers, and I nod, sliding off the mini-skirt, his eyes scan my body, a single light illuminates us as he, too slides off his pants, I stand before him in nothing but his plaid shirt and underwear and him in his boxers, I run my eyes down his body, a lust feeling in the pit of my stomach as he grabs my hand and we lay down in the bed, he shuts off the light, holding me in his arms, and I feel safe and comfortable, but I almost feel restless too, like something's missing.

I hear his slow breathing against my neck and I realize he must be asleep.

This was our last night together and I had said I was going to make it count, no matter what.

I turn so I'm facing him, his light breath tickling my nose.

"Stefan?" I whisper, putting my hand on his warm chest, he opens up his eyes sleepily, I can barely make out his face in the dark room.

"Yeah, Elena?" He asks.

"Turn on the light." I whisper, and he turns on the light, staring down at me, I urge him back into bed, and he lays down.

I gently sit up and lean over, kissing his lips, he kisses me back, as I get on top of his lap, my legs on either side of him, as I continue kissing him, running my fingers down his stubble on his cheek and chin, he kisses me back, running his fingers down my hair, curving over my spine, sending shivers down it again.

I pull back, a little, and he's panting.

"Should I change into my lingerie?" I ask, embarrassed of this, Matt always liked me in lingerie, but Stefan shake his head, running his hands down my hair, his green eyes hold a different look from lust, his eyes glinting with the light, it's love.

"no, no, I like you in my shirt." He whispers, grabbing my wrist as he flips us over, him on top, I feel him hard against my thigh, my cheeks turning red, as he runs his fingers down them, and onto my neck.

"Are you sure?" He whispers, looking into my eyes as he caress my cheeks with his hands.

I nod, breathless, as I grab the back of his head, smashing his lips onto mine, he kisses me back, his hands roaming my thighs and then up the thin material of the plaid shirt, making a certain heat enter my stomach, I rub my toe over the inside his of his leg again and as his fingers being to unbutton the buttons of his plaid shirt, he pulls back, kissing my neck hard, he wastes no time latching onto my sweet spot, as he unbuttons the shirt, all the way until he can see my black lacy bra, his hands go to my ass, squeezing it.

I moan low, as he latches onto my sweet spot, each kiss on my neck makes me hotter as he removes his hands from my ass and runs his finger down my abs, my hand's tug at his hair, needing more.

He kisses down my neck and to my collarbone, nipping it lightly, his tongue finds it's way down my cleavage, making me throw my head back lightly against the pillow, my fingers gripping his hair.

He kisses down my stomach softly, and gets to my panties, he goes back up and urges me to lean up as he undoes my bra with the back of his hand, I watch as he throws it across the room, kissing me again, one of his hands go up against my hardened nipple, sending electricity down my spine, as he fiddles with it, flicking and twisting it.

I move my hands from his hair to his back as I grab onto his shoulders, he replaces his fingers with his tongue and I pant in the air, feeling as if I'm going to explode from anticipation.

I start to get up, wanting to change positions, but his hand locks around my throat, pinning me back onto the bed again, I look up at him surprised as I feel myself getting turned on more, he looks down into my eyes, and it's almost like I see a beast in him, a beast that only wants to ravish me tonight, his lips are back on mine as he rubs his body against mine, my toes curl, feeling his erection slide against my wet panties.

"Stefan." I moan, breathless, not being able to take all this teasing.

His hands go to the waist band of my panties, pulling them down, he brushes my hair back from my neck and kisses my neck, I close my eyes, leaning my head back, my hands gripping the sheet when he plunges two fingers in me, pumping fast and hard, as my hips meet each thrust of his fingers.

"I..I need you." I cry out, thrashing my head around, feeling an all time high hit when his thumb circles my nub, I know I'm close, I feel the familiar tightness in my stomach.

He leans down to whisper sweet in my ear.

"Say it again." He says, hovering over me, as I come hard, seeing a white light, I moan, my cheeks feel on fire, as I recover from my orgasm, he spreads my legs a little wider, my hands reach for his plaid boxers, ready for him, but he grabs my wrists, putting them over my head.

"Say it again, Elena." He whispers, darkly against my neck, licking up it, he grinds his chest against mine, I feel my mind go in a frenzy.

"I want you." I whisper, feeling an intense pleasure run through me as he grinds himself on me, slowly, it's enough to drive me wild, as I buck my hips up to meet each slow thrust, but he pushes me back down.

"I can't hear you." He says, entangling a hand in my hair and yanking it back slightly, my hands find his shoulders, as I whimper lightly.

"I really want you." I shout, getting frustrated with all this teasing he looks down at me, and smirks, it would be the devil's smirk to shame, as he tugs down his boxers slowly, I gasp when I see how big he is, a blush creeps down my cheeks, as I feel sweat begin to drop from my forehead in little dots.

He leans down and kisses me, his fingers stroking the back of my neck, making me relax and sigh into the kiss, content.

I cry out in his mouth as he enters me, pushing slowly into me, trying not to hurt me.

"You're so tight, shit." He mumbles, against my neck, and I see his eyes are closed, I blush lightly, turning my head away from him but he brings me back with the touch of finger under my chin, he kisses me again, this time slowly, and I feel a wave of pleasure rush over me when I realize that he's already in, I spread my legs a little wider, he thrusts in slowly at first, but I dig my nails into his shoulder, making him groan, and he goes faster, and pretty soon each thrust is deep and hard, and it almost sends me over the edge, because I haven't had this good of sex in awhile, I'm amazed by his upper body strength, as my fingers drift down his abs, his hand in entangled into my hair,yanking it back every so often, and I feel myself falling and each thrust of his hips, rising to meet his, if this was rough sex, I wanted to have it every day, goosebumps prickle my skin as he bites my shoulder, thrusting in and out.

"Wrap your legs around my neck." He says, panting and I obey, pretty soon he starts thrusting and I feel a new wave of pleasure go over me, as I writhe on the bed, my head dizzy from this new angle, he feels so good inside of me, and I watch as he closes his eyes, his fingers playing with my nipples.

"Steefff." I mumble, forgetting that we aren't wearing protection.

"We didn't use a condom." I gasp as he smacks my ass lightly, I feel myself getting aroused again.

"Oh.. fuck." He mumbles.

And I feel my stomach tighten, knowing that I'm getting close.

"I'm so close." He huffs into my shoulder, and I run my fingers through his hair.

"M-e too." I whisper, as he slows down his thrusts a little, panting against my chest.

I moan loud, feeling as if I'm going to explode, he does a final hard thrust, and then pulls out at the last second, I close my eyes, coming hard, imagining he just spilled all over the sheets, and blush at that thought.

He falls next to me, breathing heavily and I feel like I can't feel my legs, as I shake slightly from the ecstasy.

He wraps his arms around me, and smooths back my hair, his chest breathing heavy against mine.

"I love you." I whisper, feeling my eyelids go heavy, I barely hear him whisper back I love you too, when I fall asleep wrapped in him.

I wake up to a weird sensation between my legs, I look down and see some messy brown hair down there, my toes curl, as I lean my head back, not wanting him to stop as he pleasures me with his tongue.

"Oh, God." I whimper, feeling as if I'm floating and I don't want to touch the ground, how did he know what I liked so much?

I'm finished by the time he thrusts two fingers in me, I close my eyes as I feel myself come, he finishes it, and then leans down to give me a good morning kiss, I taste myself on my tongue.

I pull back, panting.

"Good morning." I whisper, getting on top of him, I instantly feel him harden against me.

I'm not sure how many rounds we do, but he decides to put on a condom, as we go at it, like animals, twice in the bed, and once in the shower, I try to put some clothes on, but he ends up pulling them off of me at the last second, and bringing me back to bed.

Eventually, we lay there, and I'm not even sure what time it is, and I don't even care, as he strokes my hair, I look up at him and smile lightly, he meets me smile.

"Did I hurt you last night?" He asks, running his fingers through my long hair.

I blush, thinking about last night and how he almost choked me, and yanked my hair, and slapped my ass.

"No.. I.. liked it." I answer, truthfully, there was something about getting treated roughly in bed that turned me on even more.

I feel him smile against my hair, as he flips us over, so I'm on top of him.

I bite my lip, and lean down and kiss him, my hands grabbing at his boxers as his grab for my panties, I need him, he doesn't understand how much I need him.

I sit down on him, feeling my insides tingle as he moves me against me, his groans turn into grunts, and I place a hand on his chest, digging my nails into his skin, as I ride him, his hand comes down on my ass, again and again growling at me to go faster, and I don't even think about the sting, just the way it spurs me on, as I rotate my hips, I lean my head back, as my hands stay on his chest, pretty soon it's over as I feel him meet his end and I do also, I fall down next to him, panting and he's panting also, his hair's a mess from where I yanked it, and I notice his chest is bleeding a little, my ass feels numb as he pulls me closer, rubbing it lightly, I wince at the pain, but he then he kisses me, and all of it is forgotten.

Suddenly, my phone is ringing and he pulls back groaning.

I reach over the nightstand trying to catch my breath as I answer it.

"Hello?" I ask, hoping that Matt wasn't already home.

"Hey, we should be back in an hour." Matt says, he sounds so happy, and I almost feel guilty, but then Stefan moves my hair back and starts kissing my neck, I almost drop the phone, my hands start to shake.

"Alright... I'll b-be there." I say, trying to hide my moan, with a cough,

Matt says he'll see me soon, and hangs up, I drop the phone, leaning into Stefan's wet lips, he bites the back of my shoulder, and I sigh deeply, leaning my head back against his chest.

"He's going to be back in an hour." I mumble, a sad tone to my voice.

Stefan ignores me and continues to kiss the back of my shoulder.

"And I have to shower." I mumble, and I turn to look at him, his green eyes look so sad.

"Again." I add, smiling lightly, teasing him, trying to lighten the mood, but he just nods, and lets go of me completely and I feel a sadness at the pit of my stomach, who knows when I'll see him again, I grab his hand, and tug him along to the bathroom, he looks at us in the mirror, his hands, wrapping around my waist, and I start the shower.

"I'm going to miss you so much." He says, stepping into the shower with me, and I turn to face him, the water drips down his body, his green eyes sad, as he reaches out and tucks a strand of hair from my face.

"I'm going to miss you, too." I whisper, leaning down and kissing him this kiss was different from the sex ones, he wasn't demanding with me, as he caresses my cheek with his wet hands, the kiss is soft and gentle, and full of love.

I pull back breathless, staring deep into his eyes, their so open, and unguarded, and I think about how much I truly do love this man.

He starts to look down, but I grab his face in my hands, my eyes meeting his.

"Hey, we're going to see each other again, I have no intentions of leaving, remember?" I whisper, and he gently smiles as I run my fingers along his lips.

But then another thing enters my mind: Matt, he would be very suspicious if he found out where I was all the time, I feel a sadness in my stomach, as I look at him.

"But it can't be anytime soon." I say, feeling my heart sink into my chest at his sad expression.

I tell him that is has to do with Matt, and he nods his head, looking down, I sigh deeply and lift his head up again, his green eyes filed with pain.

"But, I love you, Stefan. You, not him." I whisper, leaning up and kissing him again, he tenses in the kiss, but then relaxes, pushing me lightly against the wall, my hands entangle in his hair, as his arms wrap around my naked waist.

He pulls back breathless.

"Let me take a picture of you." He mumbles.

"Something to get me through the days." He adds, and I feel my heart swell up in happiness, that he wanted a picture of me.

"Okay." I whisper, feeling as sad and depressed as he is.

We finish in the shower, and I'm wrapped in the towel, sitting on the bed.

He comes out in boxers and a Polaroid camera.

He gently tosses me his plaid shirt, and I put it on, not wearing anything underneath, I bite my lip, feeling dirty as I lean down, and he comes over to me, putting the camera on me, I give him my best sexy pose, and he chuckles, snapping some pictures.

"Do you like photography?" I ask, and he looks down at me, the camera still on me.

"Yeah, I think it's beautiful to take pictures of things you love." He whispers, and I can tell he's finished.

As he sits with me, and takes them out, hanging them up to dry over his window, I lay back down, and he joins me, wrapping his arm around me, I cuddle into his chest.

"Let me keep your shirt." I mumble, and I feel him smile against my hair.

"If you want." He says, looking at me, and I nod my head.

"I want to do something else." I whisper against the side of his neck, and he stares at me curious.

"Think of it as a going away present." I say, playing with the strings on his shorts, he looks down at me, groaning as I lightly rub him through his pants, he throws his head back lightly, as I slide down his shorts, his erection pokes through and I grab, it he leans his head back, his breath hitches in his throat, as I lick the tip, down, he moans low, soon I am engulfing him and licking him and I don't think he knows what's going to happen, as my hand leans down and plays with his balls, he leans his head back, digging his nails into my arm, as I pleasure him with my mouth, he groans, low, and I feel his dick spasm in my mouth, I take it all in, and I lean back, kissing him, our tongues collide and he pulls me closer.

Suddenly a knock on the door makes us jump apart and I look at my clock to see it's been more then an hour.

"Shit." I mumble, getting up, and he joins me.

"Who is it?" He says to the open door, and my heart races through my chest.

"Hey, man, it's Tom." Tom says through the door, I sigh in huge relief and quickly dress, Stefan looks at me, and throws on a shirt, I look down, and he flashes towards me, pulling me into a kiss, we pull back minutes later, when Tom decides to pound on the door.

"I love you." Stefan whispers, against my lips and I smile, too.

"I love you, too." I say, nodding my head and he lets me go out the secret way, and I walk home, I carry his plaid shirt in my hand, inhaling his sweet scent from it.


	17. Chapter 17

_Stefan_

I watch her leave with my plaid shirt in her hands and my heart feels like it's going to explode from sadness. I turn back around and Tom watching me, his expression is unreadable as he sits down on the chair.  
"Hey." I say, regaining some of my tranquility and walking over to him.  
"Hey, I'm leaving soon." He says, as he starts out the conversation on a sad note when I'm already sad, I internally roll my eyes and look at him.  
"Stef, I just want to make you are safe." He explains, looking down at his hands, I notice their shaking a little.  
"I'll be okay, Tom. I always am." I say, while I sit down on the bed opposite from him.

Tom sighs and decides to change the subject, not believing me, but I can tell he's too tired to fight about it.  
"That girl.. Elena, you really love her, don't you?" He asks out of the blue, and the term love gets my heart rate up, as I picture her in my mind, her face so concerned for me and beautiful, the way she smiles makes me insides quiver and her laugh is cute but there's a sexy undertone to it, she makes me feel so high and alive and I wouldn't trade her for anything in this world.  
"Yes." I say simply, watching Tom's eyes light up, as he pats my back.  
"Good, I'm glad. It's about time you picked yourself up from your guilt and started being happy again." He says, looking into my eyes.  
I smile lightly and nod, but little did he know I wasn't going to see her for a long time and the thought alone crushed me.  
"Wanna go grab a couple beers?" He asks and I nod my head, grabbing my leather jacket and throwing it on. I look at myself in the mirror as Tom patiently waits for me downstairs in his BMW. My eyes glance over to the picture hanging on the line to dry, I walk over and take it off carefully, making sure it's dry. There she is laying in bed with her long legs, wearing my plaid button up, I take the picture and take a closer look, her eyes are closed and she's laughing like nothing in this world could touch her, my heart swells up when I realize this is how happy I make her. I smile and grab my wallet, looking at the picture before I tuck it in my wallet, I shove my wallet in my back pocket and head out to meet Tom.

Tom starts driving away from the Loft and I watch it fade out of view, as I look out the window. I can't help but to think of Elena, what's she's doing, how she's feeling.

Eventually, we get to the bar and Tom orders us some drinks.

"So, are you excited to get back to Cali?" I ask, looking at him.  
He shrugs his shoulders, taking a swig of beer.  
"Guess so." He whispers, and it's the first time I notice the sadness in his eyes.  
"Hey, what's up?" I ask, taking a swig of beer, his eyes meet mine.  
"It's just.. Caroline." He whispers her name like a silent prayer and I listen intently.  
"She broke things up last night, guess she's trying to get her marriage back together." He laughs at himself, taking another swig.  
Doubt beings to creep into the back of my mind about Elena, will she leave me to? For Matt?  
"Well, some things aren't meant to be." I say sadly and he nods, raising his beer to that.  
"But you and Elena I can tell it's more then what Caroline and I had, you guys seem to really care for each other." He says, smiling lightly at me.  
I feel my cheeks being to heat up.  
"We do." I say slowly, taking another swing of beer.  
I smile shyly and Tom beats my back with his hand.  
I grunt and he laughs.  
"Captains wife got you whipped." He says fascinated and I chuckle, shaking my head.  
"Shut up, Tom." I say, bashfully as I hide my smile with a chug of beer.  
"Damn never thought I'd see the day." He says, laughing as he finishes his beer, too.

It was true, I was whipped, I was madly in love with this girl, this women, she's mine, and I don't plan on letting her go. Love is so fickle and then I met her and she showed me love can last if you have passion, and we do we have incredible passion and chemistry and a real connection. It's a real relationship, the realest one I have ever been in.

Tom and I spend the whole night talking about meaningless things when he realize it's one in the morning, looking at his watch.

"Dammit, I got a plane to catch." He says, looking at me, and I smile, shrugging my shoulders.

"Alright, I'll drop you off." He says, as he stands up, he pays for our tab, and I stumble in the back of his B.M.W, drunk.

He gets to my loft, and I get out, thanking, him and we exchange our goodbyes, saying we'll see each other again, really soon. I stumble for my keys, and go to unlock the door when I feel a familiar hand around my neck, I turn around, smirking.

My face falls when I realize it's Carly, she pushes me against my door, making my back hurt, as she trails kisses down my neck.

"I missed you so much." She whispers, as she tries to undo my jeans, but I push her with a scowl on my face.

"Get off me." I say, my voice rising and she looks at me, hurt.

"Stefan, what's wrong with you?" She asks, and I distance the space between us, still drunk, but even with this vision, I know she's not Elena.

"I met someone, it's over." I say gruffly, as I pick up my keys from the ground, they must have fell from my pocket.

"Wh-at?" She asks, but I don't even look at her face, as I slam the door shut in her face, for once I don't feel guilty, as I throw my keys down on the table.

I groan and lay on the couch, the room spinning before me, I grab my wallet and take out the picture that makes me heart sing, as I look at it, gently tracing my finger over her cheek in the picture.

"I miss you Elena." I whisper and I feel myself fading out again, as I look up at the ceiling and close my eyes, wishing I was in another universe and she would be knocking at my door.

Time jumps and it's been two weeks since I've seen Elena, business has been great, and I work on my numbers through out the afternoon, people come and go and stop by, and it makes me happy that business is booming, it just sucks because I haven't seen Elena in a long time, and I miss her every day, I think about her. I know she said she didn't want me calling or coming over, but I feel so alone without her, I wonder if she was thinking about me, too. Or if she just forgot about me and moved on with her life?

I sigh deeply, trying to block these thoughts from my mind, she said she loved me, she promised she'd never leave, she probably does miss you like hell, too. Stop being such a pussy, Stefan. I scold myself.

I hadn't heard any of those gangs give me another warning, so they must have backed out on that, which is good because I knew they wouldn't do shit to me.

I'm boxing in the attic in my shorts and tank top, my huffs of breath remind me of when I was last with Elena, her body under me, and every time I close my eyes, I see her sweet face going over the edge as we make love, each hit to the punching back, is like her skin on mine, and her moans echo through my ears. I feel myself get sad at this so naturally I get angry.

I begin to beat the punching back, laying kicks to it, my forehead breaking out into a sweat until I feel like I can't breathe anymore, I lean down, and wipe the sweat from my face with my t-shirt.

When suddenly my phone starts ringing, it's an unknown caller, and for a second I think it might be Elena.

"Hello?" I ask, studying my finger nails. I didn't want to sound too desperate with her.

"Hey, heard you sell drugs?." The unknown caller says.

"Who's asking?" I say, still wiping my face.

"Does it really matter, I want some cocaine, do you have the hook up or not?" The voice says, and I squint my eyes.

Cocaine was very valuable and I needed the money by the end of the night for rent.

"How much?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at this unknown person calling me.

"6,000." His gruff voice says and I almost drop the phone if I go right now then I will have enough money for a whole month's worth of rent.

"Aright." I say, asking him his address, he tells me and I think to myself I never been to that area before, but I shrug it off, grabbing my leather jacket as I get on my bike, heading to the address, the rain whips in my helmet, and I finally get there, thirty minuets away from town, my skin crawls with worry as I step off my bike, knocking on the door in the alleyway, rain sloshes my shoes and makes them squeak, I take off the bike helmet, cocaine in hand.

Suddenly I hear some men walking to the alley in the back of me, I turn around and look, seeing their dark faces in the moonlight.

"I don't want any trouble." I say, holding my hands up.

"Should of thought about that until you came here, I thought you were smart, Salvatore?" The voice asks, his face concealed by a black mask, I notice their all carrying weapons, some are knifes, and others are wooden clubs, my skin runs cold, as I realize that this was a set up, and I was the idiot that fell right into it. I drop the cocaine in the ground in front of them.

"Here take it, raid my bike." I say, my voice calm, but inside I'm shaking from nervousness, this was the toughest gang in town, and I have heard horrible stories of the things they did to people they don't like.

The guy in a black mask, with black gloves, who seems to be the leader, steps in front of me with a knife, I throw my hands up, a pensive expression on my face.

"We don't want your fucking drugs, we want our turf back." He says, getting closer to me with the knife.

I hear a few murders of yeah, in the background, and I stand still, hearing my heart thud in my chest.

Suddenly, I think about something that will keep me safe, I start to run, but a bigger guys, grabs me by the hood of my jacket, throwing me in the circle of men.

"Say your last words, Salvatore, we doubt you'll survive this one." Says the big man, in the black mask, I look around them, sizing them up, I could probably take a few of them, but it wouldn't be enough, I wish Tom was here with me.

One grabs me roughly by the collar, slamming his fist into my face, I watch as blood falls to the wet concrete, but all I do is laugh, my father beat my worse then this.

Pretty soon, their all punching and kicking and scratching me, I feel my insides feel like their getting torn out, as they kick me in the guts, and I scream, begging them to stop, but they carry on, and just when I feel like I'm going to have a black out, they rip my shirt off, and hold me down, as I squirm against them, trying to get away, trying to save my worthless life.

I feel the dig of pain in my back as I scream in agony, it doesn't go away and it only gets worse when I feel blood dripping down my back, rain falls down my body, and I shiver lightly, barely seeing the ground as they let me up, another guy takes a swing at me, and they hold me down, taking turns at beating me, I feel my ribs break in three places as I lay down on the cold ground, the kick me one last time, and I finally taste the blood in my mouth, as I feel spit down on my shoulder, the leader must have spit on me to show an example. The last thing I hear before I black out is.

"We found a guy, he's selling cocaine."

There was no doubt I was fucked.

I'm sorry, father, Damon, mother, I have failed you guys, and now I was going to hell to pay the price.

 **(Wow what a chapter, I hope I didn't make you cry or anything, please review and rate! thank you guys so much for the love for this story it means the world to me that people actually enjoy my writing, I've wanted to write for years and always felt like my words didn't matter, well, you guys showed me that they do, thank you!)**


	18. Chapter 18

_Damon_

It's been months since I've heard from Stefan and each worry causes me anxiety, Bonnie tries to calm me down when I wake up in bed, screaming for my brother, but I feel like she doesn't understand, where I'm coming from, I feel ashamed that I let him walk out on me like that, when I was the coward. If anything I just hope he was alive, and doing well, no matter if he was with the married women or not, Bonnie says they don't come around for counseling anymore, and I can only imagine what has happened there. I spend my days at my father's firm, trying to put work over my worries, and lose myself in it.

Bonnie's worried, I can tell, she says I don't eat much, and I begin to grow skinny, I tell her I'm fine, but she doesn't push me to talk about it, even though that's her job,

The truth is, the guilt is eating me away, and the pain of not knowing where Stefan was doesn't add any less pain my life.

I'm in the middle of a big meeting one day when I hear someone tell me I have a call on line three, some police station, I'm confused because I don't know anything about a police station, nor, do I know anyone in jail.

Suddenly, my mind drifts back to Stefan, a pang of worry goes through my chest as I grab the phone.

"Hello?" I say, impatiently, waiting to hear my brother's voice, I'm disappointed when I hear a deputy on the other line.

"Hello, are you Damon Salvatore?" He asks, and I nod my head, frantically, wanting to know what happened to my brother, a strange feeling goes through my stomach and I recognize it as the feeling I usually got after Stefan did something bad, when we were kids I was constantly getting this feeling of impending doom, and when I told Stefan, him being only 8 and I 15, he laughed at me and told me not to worry so much.

But whenever I got that feeling it was usually when Stefan got hurt.

"Yes, this is him." I say, tapping my foot against the wooden floor, my mind going a million miles per minute.

"We're calling on regards for Stefan Salvatore, and when need you go get down to the station.

I rush of panic goes through me, and I gasp.

"What h-appened?" I ask, but before I can say anything, I hear the dial tone in my ear.

I groan low and rush back to the room, canceling my meeting, I had to get to the police station and found out what the hell was going on.

I call Bonnie and she doesn't answer so I leave a message: Hey Bon, it's me, I'm going to be late tonight, jail called me and said Stefan was there, I'm kind of scared Bonnie, I don't know what to think or feel or do, all I know is I have this strange gut feeling in my stomach, and it won't go away.

I love you.

I hang up and rush out of the office to my car, the sunlight shines on my face, and I crinkle my nose, whatever today was, it wasn't going to be a good day, I could tell.

I sigh deeply, and start my truck, rushing over to the station, all I could think in the car was Stefan's words in my head.

"I started using because of you, because you stopped supporting me, you took away your love, like father and mother after she died from cancer."

I cringe, feeling the guilt set in and tears prick my eyes, I wasn't going to mess up this time, I was going to be the better brother, I needed to be, after being such a waste of space to Stefan, that he can't even talk to me, he must feel so alone right now. My heart sinks at the thought, as I park in the police station parking lot, I get out and slam my door, walking into the police station, I go to the front desk.

"Damon Salvatore, the deputy called me?" I question, and the lady hands me the forms to fill out and for a second I want to throw the forms at her face, because she's not making it any easier on me to see my brother.

I take them with a polite smile, and start to fill them out, when I see the deputy walk in, his face on me, his eyes hard.

"Mr. Salvatore?" He asks, and I spring up in my seat, taking his hand, eager to find out what's going on with my brother.

The brother I haven't seen or heard from in two months.

"Is Stefan okay?" I ask, feeling dizzy for a second.

The deputy makes a face, and I wonder if he's deciding if he should tell me or not.

"What is it?" I ask, looking into his hard eyes, my mouth frowning.

"He.. he's not doing good at all, we caught him on a drug deal, apparently he was selling cocaine, although he denies it, and he was almost beaten to death by a gang, we're still looking for the gang, they left no traces, but he broke three of his ribs, and he has heavy bruising, it's actually a miracle he's still alive."

I feel my legs stumble as the deputy, puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Are you alright?" He asks, but I'm not worried about my well being right now, I need to see my brother, my eyes go wide, and I look up at him, nodding my head numbly.

"C-can I see him?" I ask the deputy and he nods, and I almost sigh in relief.

My heart rate picks up against my chest though as I take in the deputy's words though, almost beaten to death, why? I sigh deeply, as they lead me through the door and I prepare to see the brother I haven't saw in a long time.

They lead me into his cell, and he's looking down so I barely make out his face, but when he looks up my breath hitches in my throat, he's handcuffed to a wooden bench, his head rests against the wall, his face is black and blue, and I see his eyes are closed shut, heavily bruised his breathing is shallow, and his lips and nose are busted.

"Stefan, oh my god." I say, as I start to rush over to him, but he turns his head away from me, his expression is clear: anger.

He's shaking slightly, the handcuffs rattle against the bench, making my heart sink into defiant anger.

I turn towards the deputy, not believing they had my brother handcuffed to a bench, when he clearly needed medical attention.

I turn towards the deputy, my eyebrows furrowed in anger, as my fists ball to my side.

He looks at me, confused.

"Why is my brother not in the hospital?" I ask, quietly and he leans in towards me.

"We should talk out here." He says, as he leads me out of the cell, I walk like a robot with him, feeling the anger boil in my chest at their carelessness for my brother.

"Why is my brother not being treated in a hospital?" I ask loudly and the deputy stares at me, he starts to explain he has a doctor here at the jail but I cut him off, telling him that's unacceptable and he stares hard and me and I stare back hard at him.

I can't get Stefan's face out of my mind as I clench my fists into my pants, I was so angry, I don't think I have ever been this angry in my entire life, before I know what I'm doing the deputy he yelling at me, as I grab him by his thin uniform, crashing him against the wall, my breathing is heavy, as I stare into his grey, hard, eyes.

"THAT'S MY BROTHER OVER THERE." I shout, and he tries to get me off of him, as I push him harder against the wall.

"HOW COULD YOU NOT GIVE HIM THE PROPER MEDICAL ATTENTION?" I yell again, my hands shaking as I feel someone pull me off him, I try to punch them too, but I feel a shock of electricity go through me and I fall to the floor, convulsing.

I barely see the deputy eyes before everything goes black.

My last thought is: I'm sorry I failed you, Stefan.

(Sorry, this is all Damon's POV, I wanted to add a little defan since I've been very inconsistent about it. I hope you enjoy/tolerate this update)


	19. Chapter 19

_Elena_

I walk into my front door, tucking the plaid shirt in my bag, I open the door and instantly I'm hit with a warm body.

"Mom!" He yells, hugging on me, I smile and hug him back, burying my face in his shoulder, I close my eyes.

I missed him so much, I hadn't realize that until now, he pulls back smiling, his dirty blonde hair a mess, his blue eyes sparkling with delight as he smiles wide at me.

"I had such a great time mom, me and dad went camping and we went fishing and he taught me how to pitch a tent." He smiles, and I listen intently, nodding, a smile on my face.

"That's great, honey." I say, my eyes shining, as I set him down, he smiles and yells he's going to go tell his friends about it, I turn around and instantly warm hands wrap around my waist, pulling me into a hug.

I hug him back, my husband, the one I'm married too, but I don't feel a thing as he hugs me, I pat his back, and he pulls back, leaning down to kiss me, I kiss him back, but imagine another pair of lips, kissing me.

He pulls back, panting and I look into his eyes, their not green, their blue, he smiles down at me.

"I missed you." He says, touching my cheek, his eyes so warm and so kind and it makes me feel guilty for a second.

I look at him, and he strokes my cheek with his fingers.

"Hey, you okay?" He asks in a concerned voice and I look into his eyes, lying through my teeth, as I fake a smile.

"Yes, I'm fine. Got to get a start on dinner." I briskly, as I leave him for the kitchen.

I feel his confused look stare into my back as I continue to walk to the kitchen, shaking my head of the guilt, I didn't need to feel guilty for what I've done, I'm not selfish, I'm only me.

I continue being the perfect house wife for the next two weeks, cleaning my house, dropping Jackson off at summer camp, back and forth, cooking dinner every night. Things between Matt and I are tense, every once awhile he tries to initiate sex, but I deny him, lying and saying I'm tired, when in reality I don't want to sleep with him anymore, I'm tired of being with him, I feel my spirits diminish as the days pass. Even when Matt whispers he loves me, I want to cry, I don't love him, the guy I love is God knows where, I miss him so bad, I wonder if he forgot about me already, or if there's a part of him that takes out the photo I allowed him to take of me, and look at it every once in awhile, two weeks is far too long without seeing him.

One night, Matt gets a call in the middle of the night, Caucasian male, 25, found half-dead on the south side of town, a drug deal gone wrong, his poor family, I think and shake my head and Matt leaves the house but not before making me promise that I'll meet him for lunch tomorrow at the station, I agree reluctantly, as I head back to sleep. My thoughts float back to Stefan, as suddenly, we are back in his loft, and we're entangled together he's wearing plaid boxers and I'm wearing the same plaid shirt he gave me, my toe rubbing over his ankle, he smiles down at me, kissing my forehead and I cuddle into his chest.

"Did you forgot about me, Stefan?" I whisper, looking up at him, and into his green eyes.

"No, I could never." He says, taking my hand in his, it's warm and rough against my skin.

"How come you haven't seen me?" I ask, tears well up in my eyes.

"You told me not to." He answers, and I feel a pang of anger go into my chest.

"I know what I said, but I'm ready, Stefan. I'm ready to leave Matt, I don't love him anymore." I whisper, touching his cheek.

His eyes go from sad to joy, but suddenly I hear a gun shot and see Stefan grunt, I look down to see the bullet wound in his stomach, my breathing cut short, as he falls to the bed.

"No, no Stefan, you don't get to die on me!" I yell, touching his face, suddenly we're I a different location, a dark alley way, blood runs down the side of his mouth, I turn to see some gang members in front of us, I see Stefan's eyes have stilled, wide open, as he dies in my arms, his blood getting on my plaid shirt, staining it red, I press my lips to his, for a second, their cold and moist, I stand up shaky, to face the gang.

"Well isn't that sweet, you whore." He sneers, charging at me.

I sit up in bed, screaming, I look around and see I'm back in my room, I try to catch my breath as I see runs my fingers, my body covered in sweat.

I breathe heavily, looking at my clock it's 9 am, and I wrap my covers around my self shaking.

I decide to head over to the station and Matt is overjoyed to see me, his hands wrap around me, but I can't stop thinking about that dream, it couldn't mean that that was Stefan? He promised me he'd be fine.

I shake slightly in Mat's arms and he holds me closer.

"Hey are you okay?" He asks, rubbing my back.

And I take deep breath's trying to catch my breath.

"Yeah, I'm just cold." I lie, looking into his blue eyes.

I can tell he doesn't believe me, but he doesn't want to push me because we're already on thin ice as it is.

"Any luck on the case?" I ask, wanting to change the subject, but he shakes his head.

"Guy still won't speak." He grumbles, his shoulders tense.

"Wanna see him?" He asks, looking at me.

And I give him a confused look, but nod my head.

"Sure.." I say slowly, taking Matt's hand as he takes me to the interrogation room, he opens the door and lets me in.

I walk in and instantly I recognize the brown hair, it's the only thing I can see, my breath hitches in my throat and he finally looks up, one green eye opened, the other swollen shut, his lip is busted, there must be a billion bruises covering his body, because a lot was on his face, I have to remind myself that Matt is behind me, and not to act suspicious, but I cover my hand with my mouth, as his green eyes meets mine, he looks beyond miserable, his face stone cold, his look aggressive and I feel tears well up into my eyes.

The one green eye I see is also, filled with a tear as it trickles down his cheek, luckily Matt has left, and I want nothing more, then to rush to Stefan, help him, get him out of the handcuffs, but I can't do anything and I feel so damn helpless, as tears of anger and sadness spill out of my eyes.

"Stefan." I mouth and he looks at me, his hands twitching in his lap, his fingers also bruised, he's shaking also, I hear the rattle of the chains against the metal desk.

"Stefan, you'll be okay, every thing is going to be okay, I love you." I mouth, and he reads my lips with his eyes, another tear falls down against his cheek, it's dirty and full of cuts.

He nods his head, his expression softens, as he mouths, I love you too.

I smile and quickly wipe the tears from my eyes, wishing I could reach out and wipe the tear from his cheek.

Matt calls me back and I give Stefan one last look, before turning away, I go back to Matt, shaken up, and I bury my head in his chest, but I don't cry.

"Oh my god that was awful." I say, as I shake in his arms, and he strokes my hair with his hands.

"I.. I need to go back to the house." I say, silently and he nods, confused by my behavior but doesn't question it. I jump into my car, and get to my house, I start to clean the house, trying to get my mind off things, trying to get my mind off Stefan and him sitting in that room, his soul being taken away one second and a time. I don't realize my hands are shaking before I put the mop down, suddenly there's a knock at my door, and I jump.

"Elena.." Caroline voice says through the door.

I jump again, and open the door, my rubber gloves on, because I just got done scrubbing the floor.

"Hey." I say, smiling falsely and she points at me.

"Drop the act Missy, Tom told me." She says, and I sigh deeply, my back turned to her, I didn't need her to judge me.

"Elena, are you okay? Be honest, I know you like hiding things, but I need to know if you're okay, I'm worried, I can't even imagine what you're going through." She says in a whispered voice, and I feel my hands shake again, as I see Stefan's face in my mind.

"I haven't ate in weeks, I barely sleep when I do it's one nightmare after another, I don't even try anymore, I can't think, and I don't want too, I just want to know he's okay, and I don't even know that." I whisper, and I feel Caroline 's arms around me but I push her off in anger, not wanting to be touched right now. I'm so mad I can't help Stefan, I feel the anger flow through my bones as I start to wipe the walls, trying to make them spotless, I can't see Caroline 's face but I'm sure it's full of concern for me.

"No, I don't want a hug, I'm supposed to be to be strong, this is who I am, I don't cry, I don't break down, I'm like a plastic person, fake and transparent, smiling like nothing's wrong while the pain and the guilt and the internal suffering eats away at me. I'm tired of being that plastic person, Caroline. I can't do this, I can't." I break down, falling to the ground, finally, feeling the sadness consume, me, each sob wracks my body, making me feel sick, and Caroline holds me into her arms, whispering words in my ears as she strokes my hair.

"Shh, it's okay, Elena.. shh." She whispers, and I shake my head widely, feeling myself choke on the sobs that are coming out of my body.

"No, it won't be okay, Caroline. I.. I saw Stefan today, and I can't do anything about it, and I'm angry and I'm sad and I'm depressed, he's all alone.." I say in a sad tone.

"I.. I love him. He came into my life and he changed everything for me and I couldn't imagine a life without him." I whisper, feeling myself crying again.

Caroline holds me through out the hours that pass, and I tremble in her arms, thanking God that Matt was working late and Jackson was at a sleep over, they didn't need to see me like this, it would only disappoint them.

Suddenly Caroline and I jump at the phone ringing, I get up and answer it.

"Hello." I say in shaking tone.

"Hi, is this... Elena?" says the voice, it doesn't' sound like anyone I ever talked to before.

I hold my breath and nod my head.

"Yes, this is she." I say, shaking a little.

"This is Damon.. I'm Stefan's brother." He explains quickly, and talking fast.

I almost drop the phone in my hand, Stefan never mentioned a brother before.

"I.. I don't normally do this, but I need a favor.. it's concerning Stefan."

I close my eyes, feeling the weight on my shoulders increase.

"Anything." I say, running my finger through my shaky hair.

"Money for bail?" He asks, quietly and I nod my head again.

"I said anything." I say, again and I hear him exhale through the phone.

"Ten thousand." He says, breathing heavy against the phone, I couldn't tell if he was going to have a panic attack or if he was just relived I agreed to this.

"Done." I say.

I know Stefan would be angry at me, but that's a risk I was willing to take if it meant he could come home and I could take care of him, be with him, then yes, I'd pay the money.


	20. Chapter 20

_**Damon**_

I wake up at the police's office, I groan low and try to run my fingers through my hair but I meant with a struggle as I realize I'm handcuffed, I look around the office, my eyes hurt and my back hurts from sleeping in this awkward position. _  
_I look at the name plate on the desk in golden and black letters, Matt Donavan. Great, I was handcuffed to the captain's desk. I sit up straight when the captain comes back in, his blue uniform is crisp and he barely glances at me as he sits at his black desk. He swirls around with his chair and looks at me, his face relaxed and as his blue eyes connect with mine. _  
_ _"_ I see you're awake." He says, folding his hands on the table, he fiddles with his silver wedding band. _  
_ _"_ These won't be necessary." I say, lifting my hands a little to show him the handcuffs. _  
_ _"_ Oh, right." He says, walking over with the key, he uncufs me and then I rub my wrists from the ache in them. _  
_After a minute he speaks. _  
_ _"_ So, I heard you went after the deputy." He says, raising in eyebrow at me. _  
_ _"_ I did." I confess, looking down a little. _  
_ _"_ I'm sorry I just can't believe Stefan.." _  
_ _"_ Is in Jail?" He cuts me off, staring at me. _  
_ _"_ Yes." I say, quietly. I want to bring up about his health but the way the Captain is staring at me just makes me uncomfortable so I decide to ask later, even though I'm pissed about it. _  
_ _"_ And he's your brother?" He asks me, and I nod my head, licking my lips a little. _  
_ _"_ Yes, he is." I say, nodding my head again. _  
_ _"_ So, as you know he was involved in heavy gang activity, selling drugs on the street which he denies, and he can't seem to talk, either." _  
_I nod my head, understanding what the captain was saying. _  
_ _"_ Was he involved in those activities?" He asks me. _  
_I try not to feign nervousness, as I look into the captains eyes, they seem to be studying mine too, looking for any indication if what I'm about to say next is a lie. _  
_ _"_ I don't know.. we haven't really been each others life." I say, sadly, folding my hands over my lap, he studies my face for a minute, my heart beats against my chest and I'm afraid he can hear it. _  
_He nods slowly, still watching me with his blue hawk eyes. _  
_ _"_ So since hes not talking it doesn't look good for him, maybe you could go in there and make him talk?" He questions me, looking at me.

"I can try." I sigh, deeply.

"Stefan is very stubborn." I add, looking at the captain and he grumbles a little, nodding his head.

"Yes, he is, but what I'm saying is maybe you can get him to talk, and you said you guys haven't talked in years so maybe you two could catch up." He says, patient with me.

And Stefan can get sent to jail, I say keeping a blank face, but inside I'm pissed, they expect me to snitch on my brother, I know he hadn't been the best person, lately, but, he can do better, and like he said he did it for all the right reasons, because I wasn't there to direct him in his life.

I feel an intense amount of guilt enter my gut and I nod lightly, agreeing to the captain's proposal.

He smiles tightly at me and dismisses me, telling the deputy, who's eye is black from me punching them, to send me back to Stefan's cell, I sigh deeply and follow him.

We get to Stefan's cell and he's laying there, shaking slightly, I see the bruises covering the upper half of his body, the knife marks, the nails of the club dug into his skin, over and over, it must have been agonizing and suddenly, I feel sick to my stomach as I enter Stefan's cell, he looks up at me, his eyes hard, and his face bruised and covered in scratches, but I recognize his expression, anger.

He sits up quickly, the handcuffs jerk him back, and he growls lightly, still looking at me with his cold expression, his green eyes seething with rage.

I look at the deputy, and tell him to let him at least move around a bit, he starts to disagree but I somehow convince him to uncuff my brother from the bench, Stefan moves his fingers around his bleeding wrists, and rubs them, wincing at the pain.

I sit next to him, and he moves a couple places, putting a space between us.

The deputy leaves, and says the doctor will be here to check on Stefan soon.

I nod my head and thank him lightly, as I look at my brother, he's shaking slightly, his shirt is ridden up, and wrinkled and his dirty brown hair is a mess, he looks better then he did a few hours ago, they gave him some medicine to get the swelling down, around his eye and he can actually see with both, which I'm a little happy about.

"Stefan.. I'm so sorry this happened to you." I whisper, feeling tears prick my eyes.

"It's all my fault and you can hate me all your life, I don't care, but I want you to know that I love you, and when I said those things at dinner, I was just so angry, I couldn't believe that you were acting like a smug kid, and not like an adult, but when you left the night, I realized something, I'm the reason you're like this, you had no one to teach you how to be an adult, so you acted out, and somewhere along the way you made a name for yourself, and you overcame a lot of things in your life, and I.. I'm proud of you, brother. Even if what you do isn't exactly legal, and you're right, I'm not half the man you are today, God, I should of stopped you from leaving that night, even Bonnie said so, but.. you know, Salvatore pride.. " I trail off and look at him, his expression softens a little, he fiddles with his hands in his lap, something he did as a kid too, when he was nervous.

"I love you, Stefan." I whisper, putting my arm around him, he tenses at first, but then I feel his soften in his arms, his shaky hands wrap around my waist, slowly, like he's testing if this is a dream or reality, and it makes my heart break into two, as I hug him back, tears falling from my eyes.

I hear him sobbing in my shoulder, but I don't pay attention, I don't let him know I'm know he's crying, as I rub his back, gently.

A million memories surge through me as I hold my broken brother in my arms, his head resting on my shoulder, I know he's not able to talk, doctor said it should take two or three days but I didn't need words to know that he has forgiven me already, that we can start fresh.

Gently, he traces something on my shoulder, and I tell him to do it again.

I feel an I then a L then an O and my breath hitches when I realize he's spelled out love you, on my shoulder, I tighten my grip around him and hold him, both of us shaking.

"I'm never going to leave you again." I say softly, as I stroke his sweaty hair.

"Never again." I murmur, feeling a huge weight lift off my shoulders.

Later, when Stefan and I part ways, he falls asleep on his cot, on the side, because it doesn't hurt that much, and I take the gray blanket I found on the top bunk and rest it on his frail body, he stops shaking for a little bit, I tuck him in, like I used to do when I was a kid, and he doesn't try to stop me, I can just imagine how tired he from all the crap they put him through today.

"Goodnight, Stefan." I mumble, and start to leave but he grabs my hand tight, his green eyes afraid and for a second, I feel like he's 7 again, begging me to stay with him until the lightening storm presides. I don't let go of his hand, as I sit down on the hard metal chair, ignoring my aching back, Stefan needs me right now, and I intend to be there for me.

I watch as his face begins to relax, his mind drifting to a better place as I hold onto his hand, his shallow breathing becomes even as he leans back, cuddling in the pillow, I smile lightly, and don't let go of his hand as I watch him drift off to sleep.

Stefan's voice slowly comes back the next day when we wake up in the morning, and it's good to hear his voice again, knowing that he is getting better. The doctor checks on him, and he seems to be getting a little better, we catch up, he tells me about the girl, he met that's amazing and I can only assume it's the captain's wife but he doesn't confirm nor deny it since the cell wasn't a very safe place to share secrets, I listen to him though, how happy he sounds in his raspy voice, this girl really changed his life around and this is what I like to hear, Stefan being happy for a change, it's almost like old times again.

Later that night as I'm just about to leave I ask the captain about Stefan's bail and he tells me 10,000. I almost drop to the floor, I didn't have that kind of money, I didn't know even where to get that kind of money, so I do the one thing I was taught to do when I was in this kind of situation, I call father.

I'm feeling good about where the conversation is going, but once I tell him it's for his son, the one that "never made something of himself." He argues with me and tells me that he's not going to pay for a low life to get out of jail only for him to never learn his lesson and get into more trouble the next time. But, I'm so angry that he thinks this of Stefan, what a hypocrite, I could name the seven affairs he was having while our mother lay dying in the hospital. I spit out that I'm not going to work for him anymore, in complete rage and he fires me, suddenly, but I'm not even worried about my job, I'm worried about the money, where was I going to get 10 grand?

Suddenly my mind drifts back to Stefan talking about the girl.

The captains wife.

I grab the phone book from the desk of the captain and flip through until I find D, I find her home number and put some quarters in a pay phone, praying to God this wasn't going to be traced.

She answer with a shaky voice, and I tell her all she needs to know, happiness shoots through me when she tells me she'll have the money, she was going to save Stefan with me, I feel my heart burst with joy as I thank her and hang up.

Of course, I know Stefan would never ever forgive me for this, but with him out of jail I could help him, help him rebuild himself, shoot for his original goal for being a doctor, Bonnie and I may not have enough money to send him to medical school, but at least we can get him out of jail, and that was the plan, get Stefan out of jail, and back into the real world, where he can reinvent himself, he's a smart kid, and as my Bonnie says, that always makes me smile.

Everyone deserves a second chance at this life.

 **(Yay Defan reunion, comments and questions?)**


	21. Chapter 21

_**Stefan**_

 _ **(yay we're actually getting into the climatic part of our story here! I hope you enjoy this update, I tried to edit it as best as I could, sorry if it still has errors, please leave me a review, I'm open to critiques, I really appreciate them! it helps me greatly, as always, thanks for reading my dumb story lol)**_

I couldn't get Elena's face out of my mind, telling me it was going to be okay, the large tears in her eyes when she saw what the gang did to me, but guess what? She was wrong it's not going to be okay, I was going to jail, and there's nothing I can do about it. I think about Damon, also him being here, supporting me, a certain doubt creeps up into my mind, what if it doesn't last? We're in such a good place right now, but that could change in a matter of seconds. I feel so cold and alone here, even if I'm talking to Damon most every day, the nightmares progress slowly, I know their getting worse, but not quite enough for me to get up and scream. Damon doesn't know this, and he doesn't need to know, it will only worry him and I'm already getting in him in trouble for work, I know that. Part of me wonders why he even tries?

I know he said he wants my forgiveness, and believe me he has it, but my mind is very messed up now, I feel very awkward and tense.

Elena, when she came to me that day, her hands trembling as her eyes watch me, a tear slid down my cheek because I never wanted her to see me like this, I'm such a wreck, but I still love her. God, I love her, and I wanted to yank my handcuffs off and just grab her and hug her, and whisper it's going to be okay, if though I know it wasn't.

The jail begins to fade my spirits and I don't say much to anyone, mostly keeping to myself, scared of who I can't and can trust. Although, I don't trust anyone here, whenever I see the captain walk past my cell, I want to punch him in his self-righteous face, everything about him makes me angry and I wish I could tell him that his wife has been sleeping with me, and she will gladly leave you for me, but even I'm not sure of that, but I'd like to think she would. On the other hand, I don't want her to, don't want her to break up her family for me, I just want whatever makes her happy, for life. Even if I'm just a chapter in her life.

Love is fickle my mind echos, I feel if I think too deep, I will go mad, that's all I do in this stupid place, I think, re think my choices, my decisions, I hate it!

Damon comes back in, his hands me some coffee, and I take it with greedy fingers.

He watches as I slurp it, not even caring if I look desperate.

When I finish, I mumble a thank you, and throw the Styrofoam cup in the trash next to my bed.

"Feeling better?" He asks, and I nod my head, smiling lightly at him, despite how insane I am becoming.

"Good." He mumbles quietly.

I look up at him, studying his eyes, he seems calm.

"Damon?" I ask, looking at him.

His head shoots up, as he glances at me.

"Yeah?" He asks, rubbing his hands together, it was cold here.

'Aren't you going to be late for work?" I ask, looking at him.

"I quit." He mumbles, and looks at me.

I stare at him shocked.

"What, why?" I question, searching my head for any reason he would quit.

He begins to explain to me what happened, and I feel like he's leaving something out, but I ignore my gut feeling and nod my head. But I can't believe he quit his job for me, I guess he was really trying hard, and don't get me wrong, he was brother, I loved him, but I every time he says he wants a new start, we always end up messing it up, so excuse me, if I'm tired, but the fact he quit his job, meaning father and him we're not longer close, that means Damon and I could truly have a fresh start.

"Thank you." I mumble, slightly, feeling a sting in my jaw, fuck I almost forgot I got beat the shit out of, again.

He nods.

"You better lay down." He says sternly, and I'm too tired to fight so I lay down.

"Are you going back to the apartment?" I ask, as I yawn.

"Eventually, I'll grab you some clothes at the loft, surprisingly the captain has no plans to raid it, for now." He keeps his voice low, so I only I can hear and I nod my head.

"Thanks, Damon, for everything." I say, closing my eyes, I was tired, and the pain in my jaw was only getting worse.

"What are brothers for?" He teases and I smile lightly.

"Love you, Stef." He whispers, and I feel myself fading before I can say I love you too.

I wake up, the doctor is in my cell, I sit up groaning, they have me on some pretty good pills here, so I can't complain, they take the pain away and they keep the nightmares away.

He hands me two packets and a glass of water, I two with shaky hands and stuff the rest in my pocket, ever since Damon demanded I be uncuffed no one tries to cuff me anymore, I was grateful for Damon, for this.

The handcuffs were hard to keep up with, and I felt like a caged animal when I had them on, struggling to do something simple, like scratch my nose.

The doctor quickly checks my pulse and blood pressure, he leaves just as fast as he came and I lay on the old cot, looking up at the crack in the ceiling.

I wonder when my court date will be.

If I even get one, part of me thinks their just going to deem me guilty and send me off to the prison, I don't trust cops, I never have.

Suddenly I am being ushered to the front of my cell, I groan, not wanting another inspection, when the deputy unlocks my cell.

I look up and see Caroline, confused, she motions me to come over, and I don't even have time to process my freedom as they hand me my possessions.

I see Damon and Elena in the car together, and my blood runs cold, Damon didn't bail me out did he? but when my eyes see Elena, my anger begins to fade, I missed her too damn much, I look at Caroline but she gets in the back of the car, and I follow her, leaning my head against the rest, it feel good to be off the concrete ground.

My breath catches as Elena turns around and looks at me, I feel a mix of emotions, love, confusion but most of all anger, I was angry Damon bailed me out, didn't he just quit his job? Didn't he care?

My eyes meets her and she smiles softly at me, the face that haunted my dreams is now smiling at me, and touching my wrist gently, I lean back, and close my eyes as Damon pulls out of the parking lot.


	22. Chapter 22

**Stefan**

I wake up a little, from the nightmare, thanking God Damon wasn't there, my vision is kind of blurry, and I rub my wrists, not used to being without handcuffs, yet.

I see I am in a bed, it's really comfortable and it makes me want to fall back asleep, but I see Elena come in wearing a white dress, her long brown hair down in a braid, she looks as beautiful as she did when I last saw her, I feel my lips upturn into a grin, as I see her.

She must think I'm still sleeping, because she kneels over me, with ointment, putting them on my cuts with a q-tip.

I close my eyes, exhausted, but I try to fight the sleep quick, wondering if she's going to say anything to me.

Her braid end brushes against my nose, as she tends to the cuts on my forehead.

"Oh, Stefan, you're such a mess." She chides me, while touching my cheek.

You don't even know the half of it, I want to tell her.

Her hand is warm against my cheek, and it sends shivers down my spine, I wish I could open my eyes and see her, but I'm sure her brown eyes are full of compassion.

I feel the wet q-tip under my nose, tending to the cuts there, and I want to reach my hand out, and grab her by the waist, and put my lips on hers, but I feel myself finally stop fighting sleep and fade away from the world again.

I wake up, the light burns my eyes, as I open them, groggy.

"Hey, brother." Damon says, looking at me, and I rub my eyes with my hand, yawning lightly.

I look at Damon, he looks fine, with his red cheeks, and blue eyes twinkling, that I'm finally up, but I see his hands shaking, slightly.

"Damon, where am I?" I mumble, yawning again, I was so exhausted, and frustrated.

"You're at my house, Elena was here.. but she just left.." He explains, slowly.

So I wasn't dreaming.

I stare at him, and he puts his hand lightly on mine, out of comfort.

I'm grateful for it, but I'm still mad at him.

"Damon, I didn't need you to bail me out.. you just got fired, for fucks, sake." I say, lightly, trying not to show my anger to him.

"I did what I did." He replies calmly, and I can tell he doesn't want to talk about it, so I grumble low, and roll my eyes.

"Eat your soup." He scolds, and hands me the soup bowl, I see it's chicken noodle, my favorite, the smell of broth makes me stomach grumble more, in fact I don't remember the last time I ate anything.

I sit up, weakly, and Damon sets the soup on my tray, his face patient as he watches me, reach for the spoon.

My fingers grasp around the spoon, but it drops from my hand back into the bowl, I cuss silently, and go to lift it up again, I don't remember what the doctor said about my motor skills but I do remember he said they'll gone for a few days.

Hadn't it been a few days?

I reach for the spoon again, panic sets into my chest as I realize I can't hold the spoon, oh God, was I fucked up? Was I going to have to depend on everyone now? God was really punishing me if that was the case..

Damon gently reaches for the spoon, and holds it out to me, I watch as he looks at the metal spoon and then in my eyes, his blue eyes waiting for me to take it.

I wrap my fingers around the spoon, and sigh in relief when I'm able to hold it.

"You must have just been sleepy.." He explains.

"It could be the medication they have you on, too." He adds, looking at me.

That was probably it, the medication.

I eat most of the soup, my stomach full as I let out a loud burp, Damon laughs, and picks up the soup bowl.

"Sleep, brother, you'll need your strength." He says in a caring tone.

And I rest my head on the feather light pillow, feeling my eyes close, I was hoping nightmares weren't in God's cards tonight, and He would let me have a peaceful sleep, Lord knows I need it.

I wake up the third time, the sun shining down on my face, making me feel warm, even though I feel almost dead inside.

The door opens, and I sigh in content when I realize it's Elena, her hair is done in a high bun and she's wearing a blue romper, it brings out the brown in her eyes, and she looks like the most beautiful thing I've seen all day.

But that's true, because I just woke up.

She sits next to me on the chair, and I struggle to move, she clicks her tongue at me in disapproval, and lays a hand on my shoulder, her hand is warm and makes me think of sunshine.

"You need sleep." She whispers, running her hand down my arm, it sends shivers down my spine, as her hand lays in mine, warm and caring.

I shake my head lightly, feeling exhausted, still. I wanted this to end, I wanted to be able to see Elena, and talk to her, not just lay here and witness her.

"Did you eat?" She whispers, stroking my knuckles with her thumb.

I shake my head, yes, my eyes closed, but I still try to fight off sleep, her voice sounds so tender and I hadn't realized how much I missed it, until now.

"Good." She whispers, and I hear her lay back on the chair, I feel bad because I don't want her to be uncomfortable, I struggle to speak, but somehow I get the words out.

"Lay down with me." I hear my own voice in my ears, it sounds so hoarse and weak, and I'm afraid she hasn't heard me.

I struggle to open my eyes, but then I feel her warm body against mine, and my insides turn warm, I feel her grab my arms, gently and wrap my arms around her, I smell her lemon scent and I lean my head against the crook of her shoulder, breathing lightly.

She leans into me, positioning the blankets over us, and I feel so warm, as I kiss her neck gently, not trying to initiate something, I just missed her so damn much, I feel tears prick my eyes, as I feel warm tears against my hand, and I realize she's crying, too. I wish I could open my eyes and see her beautiful face, and use my rough fingers to wipe away her tears.

I snuggle into her neck, gently squeezing her as much as I can.

"I'm sorry.. I just.. I missed you so much." I hear her choke back a sob, and I feel my heart pulse with pain.

She rubs my knuckles again, and I struggle with my words, feeling like shit that I can't even talk to her.

She notices and runs her fingers through my hair, pressing a kiss to my temple.

"Don't talk, Stefan.. I'll talk. I want you to know that those two weeks without you, we're pure hell, I missed you, It's like I had an empty part within me, I cried, all the time, the emotions over whelmed me, but then when I saw you there, at the station, and I knew you were alright, I was happy. But then I saw your cuts and bruises and how much pain in you were in, and I felt so damn helpless, I just wanted to reach out and hold you in my arms, give you some of my strength, but I couldn't. And that was the worst feeling I ever had in my life. But.. right now. I'm content, here in your arms, I love you so much.. I never want to leave this spot." She confesses, her voice cracks at the last part, because I know eventually she has to leave, and it breaks my heart also. But her confession, Oh God, how could anyone love me so deeply? I.. I have never been loved, but I love Elena so much.. I would do anything for her.

My heart inflates with joy as I realize that she's in my arms right now, and no one can take that away from me, I feel myself fading gently, I fight the sleep, raising my head up, scared of the nightmares that I'm going to have, but she reaches for my cheeks, and strokes them, brushing away some stray tears.

"I'll fight your nightmares, Stefan, go to sleep." She whispers, gently, kissing my cheek, and I lean my head back into her neck, and I feel her arms wrap around me, shielding me from the nightmares as I drift off into the first peaceful sleep I've had in awhile.

I wake up again Elena is breathing heavily on my neck as I stretch out, my muscles stiff. At first, I'm amazed she stayed here, the sun shines on my legs telling me it's morning.

She groans low, and removes her head from the crook of my neck, snuggling into my pillow,instantly it feels colder.

I feel a lot better today, as I'm able to open my eyes and see, my muscles are still a bit stiff, but I can take some relaxers for that the doctor said. Elena breaths evenly in my arms and I smile down at her, pressing my lips to her forehead, it's warm and it makes me smile wider.

She mumbles something as she stretches out, lightly grazing my cheek with her knuckles, her eyelashes flutter open and I see her beautiful brown eyes, peeping out from underneath, she smiles warmly at me, touching my face.

"Sorry about my knuckles." She says, embarrassed that she tapped me with them while yawning.

"It's okay." I murmur in her ear, almost sighing in relief as I can pull her closer to me now, even though my muscles kind of hurt, she leans back into me, making me shiver slightly, her warm breath close to my shoulder, as I hold her, content.

She touches her hand with mine, leaving goosebumps wherever she touches, she's so beautiful I think as she opens her mouth.

"Did you sleep okay?" She asks, looking up at me with her big brown eyes.

"Very." I whisper into her ear, and press a kiss on it.

I watch her smile, her cheeks turning red as she disentangles herself from me, I pout lightly, and she wags a finger at me in a teasing manner, which makes me laugh lightly, I watch her grab my medication from the table, separating them.

She hands me five pills and a glass of water Bonnie must had left for me when I was still asleep, I take the water from her, our finger tips touching and I still get a warm tingle in the pit of my stomach.

I swallow the pills and take a huge sip of water, watching her as she watches me to make sure I don't have any problems.

When I lean over and set the water on the table, she stops watching me and climbs back into bed with me, I pull her close, resting my chin in her hair, as she rubs tiny circles on my wrist, her hands stop at the tracks in my arms.

She stops, and I feel like she's going to pull back but she surprises me when she leans down and presses gentle kisses on each one, and I feel my heart swell up in joy. She stops kissing at the last one and then looks at me with a light smile.

"I haven't even thought about drugs.. and it's because of you." I find myself confessing in a rush, I let out a breath after me, and her light smile grows wider.

"Me too." She whispers.

"I'm glad you're out." She adds, looking up at me.

"Yeah, I don't know how Damon managed to do it.." I whisper, amazed at my brother's determination.

I feel her tense a little bit, but I ignore it, she must be cold, so I grab the wool blanket for the side of the bed, and wrap it around us.

"It's because of Bonnie." She smiles at me, and I smile at Bonnie's name, she was always looking out for me, even in high school when I was getting bullied.

"Either way you're out and you're here with me." She says in a hushed whisper, and I smile, but then doubt creeps back into my mind like an old friend.

"But what about M-." I start to say but she gives me a look and presses her finger to my lips.

"Shh, no M word here, this is our time, our little piece of heaven." She says, referring to her husband, and then my heart skips a beat when she presses her lips to mine, just like that all thoughts of any one else leave my mind, I hold her closer, my hands running through her soft hair, she relaxes into me, as I deepen the kiss, my tongue exploring her mouth, as we make out on the bed, her pants turn into moans and I feel great, like no one can touch me, this was our little piece of heaven, and no one could take that away from us. I gently lean her down on the bed, ignoring the pain in my muscles, I'm surprised she lets me, as I hover over her, my fingertips dance along her midriff area, she moans low in the kiss, smiling, as I do, I gently rub her stomach, loving the way it feels against my skin.

Her hands are in my hair, as we make out, cradling my head with care, as I pull back, our pants fill the room.

"Doctor said we can't do this." She suddenly remembers, looking into my eyes, her eyes reflect want and desire.

"I don't care what the doctor says." I growl low, moving my lips to her neck, she shuts up, her eyes closed as her fingers run through my hair, leaning her head back so I can get more access, my muscles were on fire but I didn't care, she doesn't know how long I dreamed about this moment in the prison, not knowing if I would ever see her or touch or be with her again.

She squeals a little when I bite her neck, her sweet spot between my teeth, as I suck on it, her eyes closed.

"S-stefan." She says in a breathless moan, and it reminds me of when we were first had sex, how good that was, I feel my pants tighten, as I lean down on her, letting her know how much she excites me.

Suddenly, I feel dizzy as I lean against her chest, sighing deeply.

"Are you okay?" She asks, and I feel her fingers down my back.

"Yeah.. just.." I sigh frustrated, I was sleepy again, out of all the times to be sleepy, my body had to pick right now.

She laughs lightly, as she gently gets out from underneath me, her face splotched with red.

I groan and lay down, closing my eyes.

I feel her place the wool blanket over my body, as I sigh deep, her hands on my face, as she leans down and kisses my lips.

"I have to go, but I'll be back.. promise." She whispers, as she pulls back, but I grab onto her warm hand, raising it to my lips.

I'm sure she's smiling, because I feel her pulse quicken against my arm.

"Sleep well." She whispers, as I let go of her hand and I nod my head lightly, I hear her light footsteps approach the door as she closes it from behind with a gentle click.

I slowly let my body relax, as I drift off into dreamland.

I wake up again, Damon is next to my bed, watching me sleep, his blue eyes are relaxed and I see he has a book in his lap, he must of saw me stirring and wanted to know why, my muscles ache as I stretch them out, the muscle relaxer's must be done with now.

"What time is it?" I say, groggily, as I rub the sleep from my eyes, I yawn, too, just because I'm take tired, it feels like the sleep is not enough each time I fall.

"6:30." Damon says, glancing at his Rolex, his blue eyes seem happy, and I'm glad, Damon doesn't need to worry.

"Oh.." I say, and there's a little bit of silence, and my stomach growls, hungry.

He looks at me, and smiles lightly.

"We had chicken parm, tonight if you want some." He says, slowly, getting up from the chair.

My mouth waters at the thought of eating chicken parm tonight, I nod my head eagerly, and Damon chuckles lightly, patting my shoulder.

"You feeling any better?" He asks, a lace of concern in his voice.

I look at him, my eyes glancing at his blue orbs, their filled with worry.

I nod my head, the truth was I am feeling better, although, I was still sore, and had terrifying nightmares that kept me up most the night, I had Elena with me, and my brother, and that was enough, enough to make me happy for now.

"I do." I say, truthfully, and he nods, satisfied with my answer as he mumbles something about fixing me a plate of chicken parm and I sink back into bed, closing my eyes for a minute, the faces of the gang members who left me for dead enter my mind, my fingers shake a little, as I tighten my grip on my sheets, a bead of sweat drips down my forehead.

"Come on.. get out." I mumble to myself, trying to calm my anxiety, each face passes over me, each black mask, their hands, weapons loaded, ready to beat the shit out of me again.

I yell, trying to keep my voice, quiet, as I let go of the sheets, suddenly their all gone and I'm left in the guest room, panting, praying my brother didn't hear me.

I try to regain my chill as he walks into my room, immediately he notices my shocked expression, and instantly he's at my side, the plate of chicken parm left on the table, as he sits next to me, his warm hand on my back, making me feel sad.

Sad that he was so worried about me, when I didn't want him to be, he didn't need to be.

"Stef, you okay?" He asks, quickly and my green eyes scan his eyes, their filled with panic, and I can see his uneasiness as he pats my shoulder, like he's afraid he's going to stir up another episode in me.

"It's over, Damon, I'm fine." I assure him in a crisp tone, not wanting to talk about it.

But he doesn't drop his hand from my shoulder and I find myself shrugging it off, I stare at the plate of chicken parm, across the room, hoping he'll get the hint.

But he doesn't and I internally roll my eyes as he stares at me.

"Stefan, you can talk about anything with me... I know you're scared too, maybe that I don't understand you.. but I'm here, brother, I made a promise didn't I?" He questions, me and I just nod my head.

He did make a promise and I already know he has no intention of breaking it, and yes, I was grateful for his support, but no, I didn't want to talk about it right now, I preferred to act like this was just a phase, and I'll be back to normal soon, I have to be. I never depended on anyone in my life, why start now?

I sigh deeply, running my hands over my face in stress, my stomach growling.

"I'm not sad, I'm freaking hungry." I exclaim, laughing a little, because I always get agitated when I'm hungry.

Damon just nods, his head and I know I've hurt him and instantly I feel guilty but I'm just not ready to go that deep yet.

I know he understands, but that doesn't stop him from glancing in my direction again as he picks up the plate of chicken parm, my stomach growling from starvation.

"Thank you." I say as sincere as I can, and he smiles lightly, ruffling my hair like he used to when I was a kid, and I find myself smiling back, as I bite into the chicken parm, moaning, it was so good.

"Eat up." He orders in a gentle tone, and I nod my head eagerly tearing into the meal as I eat it bit to bit.

He leaves the room and I waste to time inhaling my food.

When I am finished, I put the forks and plate on the nightstand, and lean down and fetch my pills for that night, I swallow them with water and set it back on the table again.

My thoughts drift back to Elena, I wonder where she went, and if she was coming back, I sigh deep, and shake my head of her, she had a family to tend to, had to keep up with being the charade of being the captain's wife, she didn't have time for me, and I accept that, it didn't hurt any less though.

Fuck why did she have to be married?

I groan low and lean back on my fluffy pillow, suddenly I hear a knock on my door as I yell to come in, she comes in, wearing yoga pants and a tank top, her long brown hair pulled into a pony tail, she looks beautiful and she has a fresh face.

"Hey." She smiles at me widely as she walks over to the bed, pecking my lips.

"Hey." I whispers back, smiling, as she gently gets on the bed.

And here she was back in my arms where she belongs, her warm body pressed up against mine, making me feel dizzy, as her pony tail tickles my face, her eyes closed, as she breathes in and out, she must be tired from her run.

I run my fingers along her pony tail and she hums out in content.

"I missed you today." her voice barely above a whisper, and I smile, feeling my insides light up at her confession.

God, each time she missed me it took my breath away.

I gently take her palm and raise it to my lips, kissing her knuckles, she giggles low, and runs her fingers down my hair.

"I'm all sweaty." She complains as I move my lips higher up her arm.

"I don't care." I whisper, and she moans as I reach her shoulder, biting it lightly, she smiles against my chest.

"I'm going to go shower." She whispers against my chest and I groan low, but nod my head anyways, soon I'll have her again.

She pecks my lips again and I try to deepen the kiss, but she pulls away, and I sigh deeply, she rubs her nose to mine.

"Be right back." She whispers, leaning down and pecking my lips, and I groan at her teasing me, this little minx.

I laugh lightly as she gets off the bed and I squeeze her firm butt, she turns around and fakes a gasp, covering her hand with her mouth, and I wink at her, smirking, my eyebrows wiggle in her direction.

She catches the hint I'm giving, that tonight will be about us, as she gently bites her lips, staring into my green eyes, her brown eyes seem innocent and sweet, but I know there's a billion dirty thoughts running through her head.

"Hurry back." I mouth to her, and she turns around, walking away from me, and damn does she looks good, her butt swaying with her hips, and I feel my pants tighten a little as I groan, how did I end up with a women so sexy?

I look down and see she left her phone on the table next to me, and it warms my heart to know she trusts me that much.

Suddenly her phone goes off and I look around, not sure what to do, do I answer it or not? It could be important, my hands reach out for the black phone on the table, I look at the screen and see is says "Matt".

My breath catches in my throat what if he was tracking this phone, now? Does he have the power to do that, would he do that?

I slide open the phone and get to the messages, icon, my finger taps it, as it loads, and I stare at the screen, waiting.

Once the message loads, I scan through it, my hands almost dropping the phone as my breath catches in my throat.

.Fuck.


	23. Chapter 23

_**Elena**_

I drag my butt off his bed, and get to the door, I felt he lightly squeezed my ass when I got up, I gasp lightly, in fake horror, and cover my mouth, he has his dirty smirk on and it sends shivers all the way down to my toes, my heart beat picks up, as I uncover my mouth and bite my lip gently, I focus on him through my eyelashes, his smirk upturns into a sly grin, and he wiggles his eyebrows at me.

Suddenly, I am lost in deep thought, thinking of the dirty things he was going to do to me, once I returned from my shower, my hands slightly shake as flashbacks of last time pop into my head, how rough he was, but it was perfect.

He has my toes wanting to curl, as I exit his room, going down the hall to the shower, towel in hand, I close my eyes, and picture his face above mine, my insides turn into jelly, but I force myself to snap out of it, opening the bathroom door.

I shrug off my work out clothes, it's true I had run two miles after I left Stefan to sleep, and then went picked up Jackson from his soccer game, fed him, Matt said he was going to be late, so I called Caroline over to come watch Jackson, and told her to tell Matt that I had an emergency meeting for the neighborhood watch committee, praying to God he wasn't tracking my cell phone.

Stefan was my on my mind all day, and I hoped that he was okay and had eaten. When I got to the house, I saw that he was wide awake, and he looked healthy, like he ate, which is good, his green eyes lit up with he saw me and it hurt for a second, I was lying to him, I was deceiving him, but I knew I couldn't tell him the truth, he would never forgive me for bailing him out.

Plus, Damon told me not to, because he didn't want to lose Stefan again, and I felt bad for him, the fact that he hadn't seen Stefan in awhile before all this happened and now Stefan was fully back in his life, and I could understand why Damon didn't want him to leave, it's his brother.

That is the reason I kept the secret, although I couldn't lie the guilt was eating me away all the time.

I sigh deep, and pull back the shower curtain, turning the knob, the water pours out on the marble floor and shed the rest of my clothes, dipping my toe into the water, to test the hotness, when I'm satisfied with the temperature I leap in, letting the water spray all over me.

I'm done in a matter of seconds, not even thinking as I wrap the towel around my wet body, shaking slightly as I turn off the shower, stepping out, I curse out loud when I almost slip on a patch of wet on the floor.

I take the towel off my body and dry my hair with it, until it's wet and hanging down my back, I wrap the fluffy towel around my body again, rejoicing in the warmth as I pick up my clothes.

I walk out of the bathroom, covered in the fluffy towel as, clothes in my hands, as I make my way back to the room, suddenly I see a figure in the dark, and I almost yelp in surprise, but I realize it's Damon.

He's dressed in a tux and his hair is tousled, and his blue eyes look at me in surprised, as I run a hand through my wet hair, a sheepish smile on my face.

"Uhh sorry, I didn't know you'd be down here?" I ask, in a whisper tone, as he looks at me.

"Yeah, sorry, I had to grab something for Bonnie down here.. it won't take long.. you spending the night again?" He asks, looking through a pile of clothes.

I nod my head, even though he can't see it.

"Uh yeah, are you two going out or something?" I ask, looking at him, he smiles softly, and nods his head.

I feel a warmness in my chest, Bonnie and Damon deserved to go out after all the crap they went through these past couples of days.

And I almost wonder if Stefan and I could be like that in the future, go out on dates.

But suddenly, guilt builds up in my stomach as I think of my secret I was keeping from him.

"Damon.. I don't know if I can do this anymore." I whisper, looking down at my bare toes.

I think he catches on to what I mean because he immediately tenses up, stopping his search for whatever Bonnie wanted down here, in the basement.

"Elena.. please." He whispers, and I finally look up at him, his eyes are filled with tears a little.

"It just doesn't feel right to lie.." I whisper, feeling my own sadness kick in.

"Elena, please don't if he finds out he's gone." He says in a sad hushed tone,

I stare at Damon, his lips trembling a little, his hands clenched at his sides, and suddenly the guilt I feel turned into compassion, as I stare at Stefan's brother.

His face rises and falls, as he breathes deeply, waiting for me to respond.

"Fine I'll keep the secret." I finally whisper, feeling my hands shake against my towel, I knew what it was, I wasn't cold, I was slowly drowning in the guilt.

Damon surprises me with a hug, it's platonic, but I feel his pain in it, as I close my eyes. I had to keep this secret to keep them together.

"Thank you." He mumbles against my hair, and I sigh deep, nodding my head as he pulls back, suddenly his face lights up as he reaches behind me grabbing black tights.

"Jack pot." He says, a proud smile, as he heads back upstairs, I hear Bonnie and Damon shuffle out the door, and I take a deep breath, heading back to Stefan's room.

A million thoughts crash invade my brain, as I open the knob with shaky fingers.

I walk in and see Stefan leaning against the wall, joint in hand, as he blows the smoke out the window. I stare at him confused, wrapping the towel, tight around my body, his eyes snap up at me, once filled with joy now filled with coldness as he blows the smoke in my direction.

A shiver shoots down my spine as I stare at him, waiting for him to speak.

He laughs lightly, and I furrow my eyebrows at him, the way he's looking at me makes me feel like an animal, and he's the lion, like he's going to pounce on me at any time, I shiver lightly, and want to blame it on the cold in the room.

"You know, Elena.." He takes a deep hit from the joint, holding the smoke in, and sputters out, closing the window, as he puts the joint out.

He stares at me, his green eyes in a haze now, and I feel even more nervous now, he's so calm, and I don't understand why, is he mad at me?

" I knew you had a kid, I knew you had a husband, who didn't treat you the way you should be, I knew you cared for me, but this... I didn't know you were a liar, too."

He stares at me, his face patient, but his eyes tell a different story as they flash with rage.

My blood runs cold.

He knows.

My pulse begins to pick up against my chest, as I hold my towel tighter.

"Stefan.. .I.." I start to say, but he cuts me off, a harsh laugh in my face, as his green eyes scan down my body, they linger long on my pushed out breasts, from gripping the towel, too tight, they move back up my face again, his green eyes hard against my brown eyes.

"I don't want to hear it, Elena, I just want you to leave and never show your face here, again, I mean are you stupid? Did you think I wouldn't find out.. and now your husband is asking where the money went, what are you gonna tell him, huh? Tell him you spent it on your drug dealer boyfriend? Are you going to lie to him, too? Is that what you do, Elena? How do I even know that you love me.." He laughs lightly again, as if it's the funniest thing in the world, suddenly, he's against me, I'm being pushed against the wall, his hot breath against my neck.

My heart beat is almost out of my chest, as he reaches out for a stray brown hair and tucks it behind my ear, his touch light against my earlobe.

I process the words he said somehow, how does he know that I love him?

I shake my head, my eyes wide as I look at him, his chest rising and falling against my towel, I can see he's high, his movements slow, and for a second I think I can get away before things get too tense, but I find my body reacting a different way, wanting to pull him closer.

"I love you, Stefan, I do." I whisper, slowly, and his head snaps up at my eyes again, his nostrils flaring.

"Don t' lie!" He snarls, his body pressed against mine, again, my breath comes out heavy.

"I was ready to leave Matt for you!" I yell, feeling my face heat up in anger, his eyes don't leave mine, I see him process the words I just said, his face softening, but then hardens, my heart sinks in sadness when I realize he doesn't believe me.

"You weren't ready to leave him." He chuckles dryly, staring at me.

"And all those nights we spent together, we're those lies too?" He adds as he whispers against my ear, and I close my eyes.

"We're you just fucking me to get back at Matt?" He adds, his warm hand drifting up my thigh, sending tingles down my spine, fucking him to get back at Matt?

I feel my head start to spin, as his hands goes higher, ghosting up my inner thigh, a finger trails closer, I'm sure he can feel the way my body responds to him.

"Stefan,you know, I love you.." I whisper, leaning my head against the wall, wanting his fingers to go higher, I feel the desire rush over me in waves.

"I don't believe you, Elena, you lied to me, and you know I fucking hate liars." He says, in hushed tone, his eyes on mine, as he pulls back, and my breath comes out in a huff, he places his hand on my stomach, sending tingles up my spine. Each stroke to my stomach is gentle, but then in a flash he grabs my arms, roughly, throwing me on the mattress, I don't even have time to react as the soft texture hits my back, my towel still on, as I pull it closer to me, he gets on top of me, pressing me hard into the mattress, as I try to turn my head away from him, tell him I won't be treated like this over what I did, but I feel my body reacting in a different way, lust and desire takes over.

He notices my disgusted expression, his face doesn't soften as his fingertips

trail up my cheeks, roughly turning my head to his, his lips barely touching mine, as I stare into his green eyes, their hazed over, but shining with malice, as I squirm under him.

"What are you going to do with me?" I wonder out loud in a slow breath

, and his smiles at me, it's not sweet, it's not innocent, it's downright sinister, his hand still pressed against my stomach.

"You're going to get punished." He whispers, against my neck, I close my eyes and as he suddenly swoops down and kisses me hard, his hand entangled in my hair, as he yanks at it, forcing our lips apart and together again, a breathy moan escapes my lips, as he shoves his tongue into my mouth, tasting my mouth like I'm the last drop of water, his other hand under my towel, tracing light circles against my inner thigh, my breath hitches in my throat and I feel dizzy as he presses his knee in between

my legs, and I shake my head, not wanting to give into the pleasure, this was sick and twisted.

He finally stops trying to fight me as grabs my hair, causing me to yelp in pain as he flips us over, so that body is draped over his lap, the towel half off, revealing my ass to him, his touch is against it, he massages it. I close my eyes, loving the warm feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Your first punishment." He smirks down at me, so helpless, as I squirm against him.

I feel my nipples peak against the towel, as his hand comes down on my ass, spanking me hard, the shock registers against my body as a mewl escapes my lips, my ass tingling, and I'm sure it was red.

I close my eyes.

"You like that?" He questions, as he spanks me again when I doesn't answer, my cheeks heating up, as I feel my wetness against my thigh, thanking God that the towel was covering me. He spanks me again,

each time becomes a little harder as I feel my hips rise up against each hit, I did like it, it was making me more turned on, getting treated like this, each hit sent me to a high place, where I didn't want to come down.

"I'm so fucking mad, right now, I want you to feel it somehow." He says, his tone cold, as he grabs my wrists, lifting me back on his lap, my ass hurts against his lap, as he kisses me again his kiss rough as he's still gripping my wrist against his chest. One hand entangles back in my hair, yanking on it, my head jerks back, as his lips taste my neck, my body shaking against his from all the spanking.

"I'm going to use you like a whore, you thought I was a nice guy? Nah. I used to fuck for sport but then I met you and I did it for love, but that turned out to be a lie, just like everything in my life." He bites my neck hard, and I cry out, feeling the sting, his hands letting go of my wrists, as he rips off the towel, he sucks on my neck as his fingers tug at my nipples, I feel a burning in my stomach as he lets go of my neck from his teeth, he pushes me back against the head board, ordering me to lay down, I'm shaking as he pulls me roughly so I'm laying down, his lips are tender against my stomach, and I sigh in relief from the familiar feeling but then a sadness washes over me as I realize this is probably the last time I'll see him.

I hold onto his head, as he pleasures me with his tongue, each thrust is short, but the licks are long, as he plays with my swollen nub, I close my eyes and picture better times between us, when he wasn't so angry, and I didn't feel so fucking bad for lying, but I knew he wasn't going to want to talk about it, I should just let him have his way with me. My legs shake as I put them over his shoulders, his tongue still deep inside of me, it takes one last thrust and I cry out, approaching an orgasm, our heavy pants fill the room, and he grabs my arms up, hoisting me up, as he removes his pants, his erection against me, I feel my stomach tighten from the pressure as he slips inside of me, a moan escapes

my lips, feeling him fill me again, my head leans back, I almost forget that he's mad at me, and then he starts thrusting, I grab onto his shoulders each thrust is filled with pleasure and pain, as he goes deeper, holding me down, his hands yanking my hair, an overwhelming pleasure goes through out my body as he continues to thrust into me, his hands against my back, my fingers claw at his back, wanting more, and I'm ashamed at myself for this, the way he's treating me right now isn't right..but I couldn't help the pleasure I was receiving from it, my ass numb as he lifts me up, so I'm on top, I move along with him, feeling my body close, as he rocks his hips against mine, harder, faster, sweat pouring from our bodies, as I dig my nails into his back, he retaliates with a firm swat to my ass, making me cry out, I reach my orgasm, starting to slow down my pace, but he flips us over again, his hands below my head, holding them, I shiver as he looks into my eyes at each pound, his green eyes are filled with sadness, I see it.

The bed shakes at each pound into me, and I turn my head away from his eyes, unable to look into them. I feel intense knots in my stomach, his hot breath against my neck, suddenly, I feel him explode inside of me, his breath ragged, as he pulls out, laying beside me, his warm body against mine, I can't feel my body as I lay there, my ass was sure to be covered in bruises, but I knew I loved each moment. I close my eyes, with a shaky hand and run my fingers through my hair. He's panting next to me but not looking at me, my eyes close as I try to relax but I can't.

What a mess we are.

He doesn't even glance at me as he starts to get up, I grab his wrist, but he flinches under my touch.

"Stefan, look at me." I whisper, and he turns his head to me for a second, his eyes filled with anger.

"Please just get out." He says, his voice broken, as I try to touch him again, he grabs my hand and throws it off in the opposite direction, it burns a little but I ignore it.

"Please, just go." He says his voice broken as he turns away.

"Stefan, didn't your hear me? I was going to leave Matt for you." My voice

below a whisper, as his angry green eyes search through mine, once filled with love,

now filled with hate.

"Elena, just go." He says in a firm voice, he yanks his hand away, I stare

at my empty hand where his wrist rested, tears filling my eyes.

"No, I don't-"

"Don't you get it? It won't be the same! I trusted you and I loved you and

we could of been something amazing but you lied to me, and that hurts.

You're nothing to me." His voice is cold as he gets up, throwing on his

boxers.

"We're done here." His back is turned towards me and I see light drops of

blood on it from my nails.

I feel tears in my eyes. We can't be done. My heart breaks a little as I

watch him try to get up and away from me.

"Stefan, no I don't want to be done." I raise my voice and put a light

touch on his shoulder but he moves it before my fingertips can graze his

shoulder.

He grabs my wrist again, his fingers on my hot skin.

"I'm done." He whispers and turns back around and grabs his shirt, putting

it on.

I turn to the other side of the bed, tears falling down my cheeks as I pick

up my clothes with shaky hands, he doesn't even look at me and I wince

lightly when I pull on my shorts, the bruises from his beatings last night

hurt.

I turn around a little and I watch as he tugs on his sweats, running his

hand through his messy hair.

He couldn't be numb to all of this. He has said less then 24 hours ago he

loved me and now he was just going to walk away because I lied to him, I

feel anger flood through my body and before I know what I'm doing I flash

over to him and slap him hard across the face, he grabs his jaw, staring at

me. His expression is pain but his green eyes are dull as he looks at me.

"No, you don't get to walk away from me like this over a lie. I did it to

save you without me your ass would be rotting in jail!" I yell, my chest

heaving as I stare at him, tears down my cheeks.

He doesn't say anything as he rubs his jaw, his eyes focused on mine.

"I don't know why you did it.. I'm no one Elena, and stop trying to act

like you saved me i didn't need you to save me in fact I would of

preferred to rot in that jail then sit here with you." He says gruffly and

I stare at him, my mouth wide open and I don't care if he thinks I'm

pathetic.

I find my voice again as he starts to turn away.

"So, that's it, we're done? This is over? You feel nothing for me?" I ask,

my voice shaky but I stare hard into his green eyes, searching from some

sign of sadness. My heart breaks when I find none.

He clears his throat before he speaks.

"It's over." He says simply and walks off, and I feel the urge to sink to

the floor as I watch him walk away. I wipe the tears from my eyes, shaking

my head.

I hope I never see him again.

I grab my jacket from my floor and throw it on, walking out of his room and

out the back door, I walk home with my pride in my hand but my heart left

on his bedroom floor.

 _ **(I feel like I should explain this whole chapter, no, I don't endorse violence, this is probably the most fucked up chapter in the entire series, but before you hate me and want to kill me for ruining such a great ship, I want to say that first of all, I don't like Stefan here, but it makes sense for the story, this is a girl that he loves a lot, right? Well, could you imagine being with someone that long and thinking they love you? And then they turn around and lie to you, no, I'm not saying Elena deserved what she got, but keep in mind Stefan is super fucked up after what happened to him, he natrually gravitates back to the drugs because that's what made sense to him all those years before her, I hope you won't stop reading after this, it does get better. I want you guys to tell me if your opinion on this, It was really conflicting to write this but I think it goes with the flow of the story)**_


	24. Chapter 24

_**Stefan**_

"So this is over? You feel nothing?" She asks me and I stare into her brown

eyes, their filled with tears, and it's making my heart break one piece at

a time. I feel guilt, guilt for what I did to her last night, I pretended not to

see the bruises on her body when she was putting her clothes back on. yes,

I was a coward and yes I deserved that hard slap in the face, and much more

but I was also way too messed up to be with her right now, my anxiety was through the roof the past couple of days, I so used to being on my own, I almost didn't know how to respond to people helping me. I was having nightmares. I couldn't let her be around that. Yes, I was pissed she lied to me, it may of been for a good reason, and yes I was thankful I was out of jail for now but I let her in and she lies to me. I clench my fists by my side.

And Damon?

He was in for a surprise when he got home, I'm sure he told her not to lie, I couldn't think of one reason why she would keep it a secret other then the fact that Damon and I were on good terms and he didn't want to ruin that by her telling me the truth.

That bastard. Well he is losing me.

I just need to get out of here, get back to my loft, clear my head. I didn't need anyone right now.

I feel my heart in pain as I think about how Damon and I patched things up and now we're back to square one, how I lost Elena because of it. But then I remind myself she was never really mine to begin with and letting her go is easier then dealing with all that pain.

I grab my belongings.

I shake my head running a hand through my tousled hair. I guess this is how things are supposed to be, don't let people in because they break you. It's funny how the two people I love most in this world let me down.

I guess that's life. I grab the rest of my belongings from the nightstand and walk out of the

basement, up the stairs. I'm not surprised when I see Bonnie and Damon on

the couch watching TV, their dressed in fancy clothes and must have went

out. Damon's blue eyes raise up to meet mine, I see their curious as to why I have my stuff in my hand.

I ignore him and start walking, knowing if I talk to him it won't end good. But I hear him raise up and follow me, my back turned to him.

"Stef, hey, where you going?" He asks, and I imagine his dark eyebrows

knitted in confusion.

I feel his hand on my back when I don't turn around and something inside of

me sets off, I grit my teeth, slowly turning around to face him.

He looks at me, and stands back a little, noticing my expression, his face

falls.

"Yeah, I figured it out so wipe your expression of your face." I say,

chuckling dryly.

"Stefan, I'm.." He starts to say but I cut him off with an icy glare.

"Sorry that you got caught or sorry that I found out?" I ask, and he stays

silent, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"You know Damon you really had me fooled, I thought you were good, good

people don't lie to their brothers. And you know how you were scared to

lose me? Well, guess what? You did, forever this time. Don't look for me, I

don't need you in my life." I say, and he takes in each word, a frown

forming on his face.

"Stefan please just-." He starts to say but I raise my fist to his face, in

a fast punch, I watch as his body falls to the ground and even that isn't

enough to curb the anger and pain I feel inside.

Bonnie rushes over to him and I walk out the door before he can get another

word in.

I walk home in the dark, as I grab a cigarette from my back pocket,

putting it between my teeth, I fumble from a lighter in my pocket and light

it up, feeling relief flood through my body at the simple inhale.

I don't need them, I don't need anyone. I just need my drugs, I have to get back to my drugs..

I get back to the loft to find the place ransacked, papers scattered every

where, tables turned, empty. I sigh deeply the fucking police must have

been here, I roll my eyes and walk to my room, surprised that it's all been

untouched.

That must of been when they bailed me out, they had no reason to search. I

pick up my blue pillow case and pull out the stash of weed. I search

through my drawers, growling in frustration when I can't find papers to

roll it in.

I see an empty beer can from two weeks ago on my dresser and pick it up,

finding a pair of scissors, I poke a hole in the can and set weed on it,

lighting it up, I inhale the top and hold it on, allowing it to wash my

worries away.

Man, I can't believe I let myself feel that pain again, and now it's

consuming me all over again and now I just wanted to smoke and never feel

again.

The pain is unbearable as I take another deep hit, when I close my eyes I

see black masks, I feel the pain in my stomach as they punch me, demanding

I break.

I grab the side of the table with my hands, imagining my bleeding body on

the ground as they kick the shit out of me, my heartbeat gets higher as I

close my eyes, wanting to get out of this anxiety attack.

My hands shake slightly as let go of the table, my heart still racing

against my chest.

Fuck, I was messed up.

I try to lay down and watch a movie but my hazy mind drifts back to Elena

and at that point I just want to yell and throw things.

And Damon? Shit would never be the same. He lost me. And I don't even feel

guilty what did he expect?

The pain slowly disappears as find the beer can bong on the table, and grab it with shaky fingers, I take another hit, and lean back, exhaling, while I close my eyes, the couch feels nice against my head, and I feel myself smiling for the first time today, I know the smile was vain and it wasn't how I really felt inside, but I can't help but feel a good high erupt within me, I open my eyes with my hazy view and look around the room.

I didn't need a girlfriend, a brother, not even a family, here, with my drugs is where I belong, rotting away, in my imaginary world, where not even an ounce of pain could touch me. In my loneliness where I find strength to live out another day.

But I knew i was fooling myself. I would fall asleep later and dream of

those savage bastards beating me to a bloody pulp as they demand me to stop

selling, it would be dark and rainy and they wouldn't stop as I lay on the

cold hard ground, their blows making my body hurt. And then suddenly, they

would stop, and I'd be shaking from the cold and the pain and then she

would be there, Elena, most likely dressed in white to signify her purity

unlike me. And she would grab my face in her soft hands, and I could feel

my heart racing, I can't even look at her I'm too ashamed, too ashamed I

hurt her and left her with no one and she would beg me to forgive her, even

look her in the eye but I couldn't my eyes would stay on the ground as I

watch the rain wash away my blood on the ground and she would tug at my

face and scream and yell, and say I don't understand help me understand and

my heart will hurt in pain while I ignore her, tell her to go away. And

eventually she will but then my mind will drift back to Damon, his blue

eyes searching mine as he begs for my forgiveness, his lips will tremble

but he won't move towards me, probably scared of my reaction. But, I won't punch him like I did earlier, because it won't give me any release.

I would just shake slightly, feeling the blood run down my face until, I feel myself get dizzy and slowly fade away, watching Damon and Elena's faces wane away with my dream and I would wake up in a cold sweat, my hands shaking as I look down and realize my nails have dug into my skin again, leaving a red mark.

I didn't want to sleep tonight, not tonight, I couldn't take the pain that comes with this dream right now, I need to get away, I need something stronger, hastily, I dig through my stash until I find some cocaine, I take the powder out and lay it across the table, ready to snort it and forget.


	25. Chapter 25

_**Elena**_

I walk back to my neighborhood, the meadows make it easy for me to see

which house is mine, my legs feel like jelly as I walk to my door and take

out the key from my back pocket, I wince slightly as my hand grazes the

bruises on the back of my legs. I can't believe Stefan hit me that many

times, I knew he was angry at me but I never thought he'd hit me. The worst

part is I liked it, in a twisted way. he was in control and he made me

tremble after, I feel a blush erupt into my cheeks as I turn the door and

slip in quietly, my heart racing as I pray that Matt and Jackson are in

bed. I decide to take a shower to get Stefan's scent off me, before I get

into bed with my husband.

I take off my clothes, being extra careful with my shorts as I wince as the

fabric touches the bruises. I groan softly and turn on the shower to the

hottest setting, I step in and almost sigh in relief, as I begin to wash

Stefan away from me my heart aches and it's broken to what I have lost.

I feel tears down my cheeks as I slide down the wall, holding myself, this

is the time to let it all out, you have to become plastic, pretend nothing

is wrong. Everything is perfect in the morning. So, cry Elena. Cry your

pitiful heart out until you can't breathe. I tell myself as my sobs are

muffled by the shower water hitting the marble floor. Tears blur my vision

as I run my hands through my wet hair. My breathing becomes high and I

realize it must be a panic attack. I was having a panic attack.

I manage to calm myself down, eventually, as I take deep breaths, my throat

hurts from the broken sobs.

I grab a towel from the rack and put it over my shaking body, chills run

down my spine as I squeeze out my wet hair, I sigh deep and step out of the

shower, throwing on my nightgown, I tie my hair into a bun and walk out to

our bedroom, the carpet feels warm under my feet as I slip into bed, seeing

Matt on the other side, snoring lightly. I lay down facing the other way and

try to close my eyes but I can't stop shaking.

Twenty minutes go by and I am sleepless and shaking, I feel like crying but

I hold it in when Mat's large arm wraps around my middle, I sigh lightly

as I stop shaking from the warmth, my heart is still heavy.

My eyelids slowly close and I drift off sleep.

I'm standing at the door of Stefan's loft dressed in a plaid shirt and

leggings, my combat boots scrape against the floor.

"Stefannn open up." I yell, knocking on the door

Suddenly the metal door opens and I peep inside to see it's completely empty

except. All of things are gone, like he never really existed, I feel a

strong tug in my heart as I sit down on the floor, cradled in his shirt.

Suddenly I hear a knocking coming from the upstairs.

The attic.

I frantically get up, eager to see if it's him, as I approach the attic and

pull down the stairs, the banging gets louder.

I grab the wooden stairs and lift myself up until I'm at the top.

"Hello?" I wonder as I finally get to the top, I step over and look around,

it's dark but there's a little light at the end of the way.

"Stefan?" I question, but all I hear is another bang coming from the end.

My heart races as I creep towards the noise, my skin prickled with

goosebumps.

I gasp lightly when the light shows me his shadow on the wall, he's curled

up into a ball in the dark, shaking, like he's having a seizure.

"Stefan!" I cry out and get to him, I move him over to the light with all

my strength to see his mouth is open and there's drool running down his

cheeks, his eyes are open but they don't look responsive.

I wipe the drool from his mouth, tears prick my eyes as he won't stop

shaking.

"Stefan, oh god..." I whisper as the first set of tears make their way down

my cheek.

He must of just overdosed.

"Stefan, wake up!" I yell at him, but he looks straight ahead as if I'm not

even there.

"Oh God, you're gonna be okay." I cry, with shaky hands as I try to reach

for my phone but for some reason I can't get to it and I cry out in

frustration as I watch as his green eyes land on mine, his mouth curls up

into a smile and I wonder how he has the strength to do this.

"It's okay, Elena. Don't cry. I'm going to be fine." He whispers as his

finger lightly traces my cheek to wipe the tear.

I close my eyes and put a hand on his wrist, not wanting to let go, his

heartbeat is non existent as I press my fingers into his wrist.

"Stefan, don't leave..." I whisper as he wipes away more tears from my

eyes.

"It's okay, it's going to be okay. This world doesn't need me.. you don't

need me, Elena." He whispers again and I shake my head, gritting my teeth

in anger.

"I need you, Stefan! More then you know." I lightly cover my mouth with my

hand as a sob escapes my lips.

"No. No No." I say, as I watch him close his eyes and lean back, he grunts

as if it's his final breath and the drugs are finally tricking him into a

peaceful death.

"You gotta tell... Damon..." He whispers, fighting for his last breath, his

chest heaving.

"T-tell him... I love him." He gets out and I watch as his head falls for

the last night, every ounce of life drained from his body.

I wake up fast, holding my heart as sobs escape my lips.

"S-stefan." I mumble, and look up to see I'm alone in my bed, my eyes hurt, Matt must of took Jackson to school, I sigh in relief, as I wipe the harsh tears from my eyes, that dream felt too real, the way Stefan said it was okay, and how he wanted to die. Panic floods through my body what if he really wanted to die? And I didn't know, and something bad happened to him?

I run a hand through my wet hair, and lay back, looking at the ceiling for answers, answers that I will probably never get. Stefan will never give me.

I get up from my bed, and pull my robe tighter as I get to the cabinet in the bathroom.

I take two pills from the container and dry swallow them, they go down my throat so easily, I wonder if I could take more, just to forget about this day. I know I can't, I'm expected to return to my original form, plastic and transparent.

I fake smile in the mirror, as I observe myself, my neck still red from tossing and turning last night, but my eyes seem okay, my skin is a bit pale, but it will return to it's color soon enough, I run a hand along my face, as flashes of Stefan whipping my ass with his hand invade my mind, I move back my long brown hair to the side of my neck, teeth marks are still indented in my skin, and I shiver slightly, picturing his green eyes staring into mine that night, when he took me for what I was: A whore.

I lightly trace the marks, watching as my reflection does the same, he must of bit really hard for it to still be there, I quickly open up the mirror and take out my concealer, I grab the fluffy brush and dip it in the container, a certain sadness washes over me, as I think about how I adverted my gaze that night, I couldn't even look him in the eyes while we fucked, because that what it was, it wasn't making love, it was fucking, he was fucking me to get back at me, showing me the pain I put him through by lying. I wince lightly as I touch the concealer brush there, wiping gently as I watch the bite marks fade into my skin tone.

I was ashamed, ashamed I let him treat like like this, but also, I wasn't.. I was sad, sad that things we're over, sad that I would never see him again, somewhere in the back of my mind a little hope springs up as I wonder if he kept the picture, if he still looks at it, and thinks of me.

And somewhere in the way back of my mind, I wonder if he still loves me..

I look in the mirror and see the same plastic person I was before I met Stefan. She smiles fake and bright back at me, showing the world that she has no problems. I touch my hair to fix it in the mirror and calm my shaking hands as I grip them on the sink.  
You can do this, Elena. You've been doing it your whole life, before you met him. Remember you're not meant to have feelings, fake it 'till you make it. The ongoing role of a trophy wife.  
I exit the bathroom and decide to head to Caroline's house. I hadn't seen her since she held me as I slowly crumbled in her arms. I knock on the door and smile brightly, ready to prove to her that I'm fine, and I wasn't drowning in my misery as I stood there.  
She opens up the door and immediately hugs me, in which I eternally roll my eyes at her.  
"Oh my god, are you okay?" She asks, studying me with her blue eyes, once she's pulled back.  
"I'm fine, Care." I smile like the fake person I' m meant to be at walk into her house, I finally feel the effect of my drugs kick in as I sit down on her couch, she joins me.  
But she crosses her arms over her chest and gives me a skeptical look, I feel my heart ache but I keep the pleasant smile on my face.  
"You and I know that's not how you feel right now." She says.  
I shrug lightly, looking at her, I simply didn't want to talk about it because it hurt too much.  
"Elena-"  
But I cut her off, gritting my teeth.  
"I said I'm fine. Look things don't work out and we move on." I say in a firm tone, telling her that I don't want to talk about this right now.  
"Okay." She finally says in defeat as she sighs and runs a hand through her hair.  
I'm grateful for her silence as I feel my heart sink slightly.  
Stefan wasn't coming back and I didn't know where he was and I'm scared for him.  
For all I know he could be out there, like in my dream overdosing and there's nothing I could do about it, because I burned him so bad that he couldn't even look at me. And that caused me so much pain, I felt like I couldn't breathe. It made me hate myself that I was just another person on his list of traitors at this point.  
Caroline and I spend he rest of the day talking, about random things mostly, small talk, which I loathed.  
I contribute though because I know that's the only thing that's keeping her from asking about Stefan.  
When I stand up to leave because I have to get Jackson off the bus, she says something to me that makes me smile slightly.  
"I'm proud of you." I hear her sweet voice say, as she looks at me, I whip around my eyebrows furrowed at her sentence.  
"Proud of me?" I ask, looking at her in confusion.  
"Yeah, you acted on your desires and you fell in love with a great guy for you and sure it didn't work out but you still did it. And I'm proud of you." She states with a certainty in her tone of voice.

I suppose she was right. I had done thing I vowed I'd never do. And I did, I did fall in love with this low down drug dealer that could make my toes curl at one look. I suppose I ought to be proud of myself, too.  
"Thanks Care." I say as I pull her into a small hug, she hugs me back, rubbing my back and I close my eyes. But I don't allow myself to cry as she holds me, knowing I should save the tears for the shower.  
We bid our goodbyes and I feel myself smiling for the first time in days.  
I walk home and get into my doorway where I hear my son crying, his hoarse voice over by the stairs. I rush to him to ask him what's wrong but he shakes me off, slowly I look up and see Matt standing at the top of the stairs, tears in his blue eyes as he holds something in his hand, I can't quite make out what is it but he comes to me, his steps heavy.  
"Elena? What the fuck is this?" He asks and I smell the whiskey on his breath, as he thrusts the thing in his hand in my face, my breath hitches in my throat as I look at it, it's the Polaroid Stefan had taken awhile ago, it almost feels a lifetime ago, when things we're good and I wasn't worried because I knew I'd always have him.  
I feel tears well up in my eyes as I look at it, the carefree laugh on my face as Stefan snapped the photo that day, like nothing in this world could touch me, make me sad again.  
I'm so shocked from the memories that all I can do is stare at it.  
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?" He yells louder, and I see Jackson cower in the corner, and suddenly I feel sick to my stomach as I realize that he knows that his father and I were not on great terms.  
"It.. it's.." I start to feel dizzy as I feel my tongue turn to sandpaper, before I know it, I'm falling on the floor, while Matt screams at me, but all I can hear is Jackson's whimpers and sobs in the corner, I close my eyes and wish this is all a nightmare, that my life wasn't falling apart in front of me right now.  
I can barely see in front of me, the wooden floor a blur and I realize I must be going into some type of shock as I feel the world fading before me, before I pass out I hear Jackson whimper something that breaks my heart into a billion pieces.  
"You lied to me, mom. You lied."


	26. Chapter 26

_Stefan_

I wake up woozy, as I grip the table for support, pulling my numb body up, I must have did 3 too many lines last night, I wipe at my nose, and see the powder still there, I groan lightly, and sit up, feeling jittery as I make my way, sitting down on the red leather couch, I lean my head back, sighing deep.

No nightmares, and no dreams, this whole doing hard drugs again thing was turning out great, if it meant that I had no more nightmares, and I was numb to everything around me.

I decide to make myself a sandwich, my hands slightly shaking as I spread the mayonnaise on my bread. My stomach grumbles in complaint and I roll my eyes, finishing the last touches of my sandwich, I hadn't ate since last night, and I feel the pang of hunger hit me, as I eat the sandwich fast, my mind on more cocaine as I devour the sandwich, I feel it go down my throat, as I sit down on the couch, bored out of my mind. I don't know what to do, or think, or feel anymore, all I want to do is lay here, and not think about shit, let my sadness take over me, so I can get up and do more drugs.

Suddenly, I am interrupted at a soft knock at my door, I grunt softly, not expecting anyone, and half of my mind tells me to ignore the person standing outside that door, but curiosity takes over, and I find myself getting up, and heading to the metal door. I open the wooden beam, and slide the door as best as I can, my teeth grit when I realize who it is: Elena.

Why was she back here? Didn't she know I wanted nothing to do with her? I feel anger bubble in my chest, but I lean against the door, my eyes raking her body, she's wearing a nice blue summer dress, her cheeks flushed red from the sun, her long brown hair down her back, and her brown eyes focused on me, she allows me to stare her down, God, she's so beautiful But then I remind myself what she did to you, and my jaw ticks, as I stand with my arms over my chest, my breathing heavy as the anger sets in.

"You don't have to say anything." She says, quietly, as she stands in the doorway, I raise an eyebrow at her, wishing I was high, and I had no emotions towards this, but I know no matter what my mood, she will always have a tug on my heart.

I loved her, I still do.

"I just.. I wanted you to know that I'm leaving.. Matt found out and everything is a mess." She says, looking into my eyes, and I know she doesn't want my pity, and I won't give it to her, as she gently reaches up and touches my cheek, I feel a shiver run through my body at the simple gesture, her warm hand still touching my cheek as she searches my eyes for some kind of emotion.

"I'm leaving.. and I wanted you to know.. I don't regret a single thing, I don't regret us, Stefan. I know you want nothing to do with me, and that's fine. We all need our space, but we were meant to be, I'm sure of it.. I love you. I love you so much. But, I need to figure out what I'm doing in my life, get it together, and maybe, you'll be a piece in the future.. I don't know. But, I don't regret us." She leans in closer, and I feel her warm breath on my cheek, as I close my eyes at her words, they make my heart flutter a little, but broke it at the same time. I don't regret us either, I fell in love with you instantly, I need you, Elena... I want to say, but I keep silent, as I watch some tears fall from her brown eyes, she puts her other hand on my cheek, inching closer.

"Please.. kiss me." She whispers, her brown eyes closed, I gulp low, so she won't hear, she had no idea the effect she has on me, part of my heart was breaking in her embrace, while the other half remained beating, her eyes closed, as she waits for me to do something, but I feel like I'm drowning, I suppose I better give her this kiss, just one more.. one for luck.. luck of a better life for her, Lord knows she deserves it. I hope you find what you're looking for, Elena. Even if I couldn't give it to you. I think, as I lean down, and gently connect her lips with mine, their warm and soft against my lips, and I groan low, as she pushes her lips more into mine, begging for more, but I can't.. I can't do it. I pull back, her eyes still closed, as I watch her intently, my green eyes scanning her lips slowly, it's taking everything in me not to plunge back in and kiss her, show her how I really feel, pick her up and take her to my bed, and never let her set foot out of this house again, but like I said I can't, she scarred me too bad, and it made sense she was leaving, just like I said she would in the beginning.

She finally opens her eyes, as her brown eyes search through mine, sadly.

"I want you to have this." She whispers, as she reaches down, slowly, lifting up my palm with her warm hand, I feel her open it, but I don't dare look down, not wanting to cry in front of her, I feel her place the picture in my hand, before I can register it in my brain, my face blank, as I look up at her, there's tears in her brown eyes, and I want to pull her close and comfort her but my arms feel broken.

She gently reaches up and caresses my cheek with her warm fingers, I feel my lips tremble a little at the innocent but powerful gesture.

She smiles softly at me, and my face softens a little, I close my eyes, as I feel her warm breath on my cheek again, she pecks it, and then puts her lips against my ear, causing me to shiver out of surprise a little.

"Goodbye Stefan, I'm still counting on us." She whispers, and I grip the picture in my hand, as I close my eyes, I hear her close the metal door, and I finally open my eyes, I look down at my palm, and see the picture crinkled in it, Elena in my plaid shirt, laughing like she's free, and now she was, she let me go, and I let her go, just like it was supposed to be, two strangers now, like we were before this all happened, and the crazy thing is, I didn't regret a single moment with her, I hated that she lied to me, I really hated it, every time I thought about it, I felt like throwing something to the ground, but I'm no fool, I still love her, so fucking much, and now she's gone, away, never to be seen again. I crumble up the picture in my hand, not wanting to look at it, anger floods through me as I march back to the couch, grabbing a joint I must of rolled last night and left on the table, I raise it to my lips, as I set the picture down, my heart racing as I take the blue lighter lighting the joint up, I inhale and watch as the smoke blows out along the room. I feel a tiny bit better, but as I stare at the picture on the table I feel sick to my stomach. I slowly take the picture from the wooden table, and make a flame with the blue lighter, pain floods through me as I hold the picture above it, watching it catch fire, the brightness burns my eyes, but I don't dare look away, watching the flames lick her body away, until it's just my plaid shirt now, I feel a sick feeling of satisfaction come over me, as I watch the flames go higher, burning her face out of the picture, but sadly not my heart. I burn myself when it reaches the top, and I curse lightly, blowing on my fingers, the picture is gone, and I never have to look at it again, and as I finish my joint, I laugh, because I know that I still love her, picture or not.

Suddenly, sadness washes over me again, and I feel it tugging at my heart, I grit my teeth, begging myself not to cry, I hit my head with my fists, anger flooding through me, as hot tears make their way down my face, that's it, it's over, I have nothing to live with anymore, no one to love me. I had lost everything, my business, my brother, my girlfriend, my pride, my emotions, I was like a zombie now, roaming around but not really belonging anywhere, I don't even remember the last night I slept, sleep that's what I needed, I needed to sleep for very long time, and never wake up, the world would never have to be disgraced by my presence in it. I grab my drugs with shaky hands, I find some of the prescription pills I used to sell Elena, Valium, her drug of choice, the drug I was going to end my life with, I laugh bitterly , and pop off the cap, shoving the pills down my mouth, I feel hot tears in my eyes, as I cry, weep, actually, my mouth full of pills, suddenly, I want to spit them out, and not do this, but I remind myself I have nothing left to live for, and might as well die the cliché death of a drug dealer: overdose.

I swallow the pills, and lay down, I don't feel anything at first, and I begin to worry, maybe I didn't take enough, but slowly my body breaks into a sweat, and I know their working, my heart racing against my chest, trying to keep up with the pills I just ingested, but I kind of laugh at it's struggle.

Suddenly I hear a pounding on my door, and I groan, trying to get up, maybe it was Elena trying to tell me she's sorry, well guess what? I don't give a shit, I'm a dead man, now. No one can stop me, I feel my body begin to relax, but suddenly, I feel like my heart is going to beat right about of my chest, as I look up, I see Damon above me, and I can't tell if this is a dream or not, because I feel his feather light touch on my shoulders, and I feel myself smiling, but I can't hear anything he's saying, all I know is his blue eyes are wide, and he's shaking me, but all I hear is the pounding of my heart in my ears, and suddenly, I feel very tired, as my eyelids droop I struggle to stay awake to see his pleading face one last time, but I feel my body slowly drifting away, my eyes closing, as I feel his shakes become mere pushes, and then... nothing. I don't feel a damn thing.


	27. Chapter 27

**Damon**

I find the key under the mat and curse my brother silently for foolishly putting it under there, now anyone could break into his house, the reason I was standing in front of this loft is because even though he hated me, and it hurt like hell to live with that everyday, he was still my brother and I love and care for him deeply, so when he hadn't been returning any of my calls for the last week, I decided to head over there myself and find out what he's been doing, I was.. happy in a weird way to see him again, even though I knew he couldn't stand me, I sigh deep, and push the key in, my heart beating in my ears, as I think about all the hurtful words he was going to say to me, how he was going to scream I'm a coward and I should leave, like he did when I first found him all those months ago. Stefan had a hard time with misery, he tended to drown in it, let him consume him, until he was nothing, I know, I saw it, I watched him, when our mother died, how he slowly sunk into a deep depression, how I couldn't help him, how I found drawings of himself in cartoon form, with a rope around his neck in his room once, how I tried to reach out to him, but all I got was a blank expression, the sadness in his green eyes cut deep in my heart, as he went day by day, sinking, and I was willing to help him, just like right now, I was going to help him and I don't care if he fought me. I wasn't going to lose him again, I'm going to do better.

I open up the loft door, and the picture in my head, and hope in my heart sinks to the bottom of my feet, as I see Stefan's body convulsing on the floor, his mouth slightly open, drool down it, as he looks up at the sky, I rush over to him, my eyes wide, and my heart painfully resting in my chest, as I try to grab him, try to shake him, screaming his name.

"Stefan, please, Stefan.. don't." I yell, loud, as I feel the tears stream down my face, here I was, years later, watching my worst nightmare come true, my brother who most likely felt like he had nothing to live for anymore, committing suicide before my very eyes, I cry softly, as I try to pull him up, but I know we're running out of time, and I watch as his green eyes close, and he looks so at peace, and I want to grab him and shake him, but I quickly call 911, praying it isn't too late, and he rests under me, as I sob hard, trying to wipe the tears, my brother is dying, he has no one and it's all my fault.

I watch as the ambulance team breaks through the door, and with the stretcher, lifting Stefan's body up, I notice how skinny he looks, how weak, and frail, almost like he's..

I refuse to admit the word.

He's not.. He can't be.

I watch as they wheel him away, and my face falls slightly, as I pick up the empty pill bottle from the floor, I throw it as hard as I can against the window, and it crashes, I can't even think straight, all I know is that I need Stefan to be okay, I need Stefan to make it through this, please God don't take him away from me, please.

I pray silently with shaky hands, and I finally get up, and follow the ambulance in my truck, praying for good news.


	28. Chapter 28

_Stefan_

I groan lightly, as I feel soft hands on my face, the wind picks up against my body, and I feel the sun on my skin, turning my body warm, I quickly open my eyes, and realize that I'm on a soccer field, but it's a familiar soccer field, am I dead?

It's the soccer filed me and Damon used to go to when we were younger, our mom would watch us, kick the ball back and forth, and Damon would cheer me on as I'd try to make a goal, he always said I'd be a great soccer player one day, well, now I'm dead, brother, God was probably preparing my hell as we speak.

I look down and realize that I'm in my old soccer uniform, the red shorts, and white shirt, Damon lent me from his old uniform, suddenly I see someone I hadn't seen in a long time, rushing towards me, her blue eyes still as beautiful as I remember them to be, I always got jealous because Damon took them from her, and every time after the death if I even looked into his blue eyes I'd become sad, they always reminded me of her.

"M-mom?" I ask, as I begin to smile, she looks so beautiful, with her red checkered dress, and black shoes, her hair in pin curls, her lips painted, red, hiding her pearly white teeth, she smiles at me, and it makes me feel warm, and I rush to her, my heart swelling in my chest.

"M-om." I choke out finally, as her warm hands run through my hair, comforting me as I sob silently, not believing she's here.

"Mom- I'm.. I'm so sorry." I choke out, as I realize that she must know what I've done.

"My sweet.. Stefan." She says softly, as he strokes my hair, and I almost feel six again, but I'm not, I'm 25, and dead.

"Mom..p-lease forgive me." I whisper, and bury my face in her neck, inhaling her sweet scent, the scent that always calmed me down.

"I forgive you, son.. Now.. we're together." She whispers, as she continues to stroke my hair, and I feel the wind rush past us.

"I..yes." I finally say, as I bite my lip, she pulls back, and wipes my tears with her soft fingers.

"Now, no more crying, Stefan." She scolds softly.

"Look at you, so handsome, so beautiful." She whispers, as she cradles my face with her warm hand, and I stare into my mother's crystal blue eyes.

"Are you ready to come to heaven?" She asks me, as she grabs my hand, softly.

I tighten my grip on her hand, I was ready, even if that's where I wasn't going, I was ready to pass on, and not have to disappoint anyone, not have to be in anymore pain, or live my life, or be hurt again, I was ready to be with my mother, I was ready to start a new life with her.

"Y-es." I say cautiously, and she smiles her joyful smile, and starts to pull me away, and I feel the sky get darker, each time I take a step, her warm smile reassures me though.

Suddenly, I feel a firm grip on my shoulder, and I turn around, my breath catches in my throat, as I see Damon, his face in a serious expression, as he doesn't let go.

"No, don't leave." He says, and I look closely to see tears in his eyes, and it makes my heart ache.

"Let go!" I yell out in anger, because I want him to, I was ready to die wasn't I? Even if it meant leaving Damon.. the one person who was my hero all these years.

"I have no one! Let me go with mother!" I yell, and I turn around to see mother fading from me, and I wrestle from Damon's grip, but he holds tighter onto me, as my hand reaches for her blindly.

I watch as she fades and then she's just a mere speck in the sky and I find myself saddened by all this as I cry softly, Damon's protective arms still wrapped around me, as I feel the harsh tears on my cheeks and an empty feeling in my heart.

"No, I don't have anyone anymore." I sob silently onto his shoulder.

Damon turns me to face him and I fight him as first, angry that he took mother away from me, angry that now there was a hallow feeling in my heart again, when seconds ago I was feeling an immense amount of joy.

But he reaches up and gently wipes my tears with his fingers his blue eyes trained on me.

"You have me." Damon says in a firm tone, and I stop wrestling, as I feel myself very tired, all of sudden, and I sink into his arms, and let him hold me, unable to breath, as I cry, I finally let out all I've been feeling in the past few weeks, losing Elena, losing him, the bitterness, the anger, and the feeling of being completely and utterly alone.

"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry." I keep repeating, but I can't hear his reply, I grunt when I feel a sharp pain in my chest, and it feels like someone is burning me, like someone is putting a hot iron on my chest.

I feel myself breathing, as some people are scurrying over me, I open one eye, sleepily, as I see doctor's over me.

"Patient is responding, stop the machine." A doctor yells, and I see his mask in my blurring vision.

I feel my fingers move, as I move them, and I look up to see the titled ceiling, I was assuming we were in the hospital, that I wasn't dead, that I wasn't going to be with my mother.

My hands tighten in fists, at the thought of my mother being gone, and I will never see her, or touch her, or here her sweet voice again.

I close my eyes, begging that God would just take me away, why did he offer me this second chance at life? I was just going to waste it, there was nothing here for me anymore, that dream with Damon, I wasn't even sure if it was a dream, but he brought me back, and he probably wasn't even here in this hospital, he comforted me as I was ascending to heaven with our mom, his strong arms warm in memory around me, as I cried out all my frustrations, and pain, and heartbreak, but now I am awake, and although my heart is beating, I'm beyond dead inside.

I feel myself fading from the world, and maybe it's tiredness, but I hear my heavy heartbeat in my ears before the whole world goes black again.

I'm standing in the forest, the trees are green, and a wind rushes past me, making the leaves sway in the beautiful autumn night, it's dark, and I can barely see out in front of me, I'm wearing dark blue pants and a red plaid shirt, my hair is cut short, and for a second, I think I can't be dreaming, this is who I was in high school, before I turned evil.

I squint in the distance and see a flame there, it's glowing orange, and the harsh light burns my eyes as it comes closer, up close, I see Elena, her brown hair pulled to the side in a knotted braid, her blue dress swaying in the wind, she holds the lantern up to my face, and my green eyes hesitant to look into her brown eyes, her face softens at the expression.

"Elena.. what are you doing here?" I wonder out loud, as she puts the lantern between us, it glows so I can see her beautiful face, as I hold it in my mind, she looks so young and care free, just as I remembered her, the wind blows her hair into her face, and I almost reach out to move it behind her ear, like I did the first day I met her, the first day we saw each other, but I refrain from it, because I know this isn't real, and it feels like heaven, and my heart hurts as I hold her steady gaze in my green eyes.

"I'm in your imagination, Stefan. You're dreaming of me." She whispers, and reaches out to touch my face with her warm hand, it ignites a spark in my heart.

I stare at her, as I move my hand up to her wrist, my eyes half closed, as I take in this final moment, her pulse quickens against my wrist.

"I never got to say what I wanted to, before you left." I swallow, as I hear her tiny gulp in the distance of my ears, my eyes open to find her looking at me, in such love, it makes my heart jump, from nervousness.

"What did you want to say?" She asks, as she tilts her head like a child, her hair falling into her eyes, and I reach out, and move it behind her ear again, her soft ear grazes my fingertips, and she softly smiles at me, waiting for an answer.

"I love you, Elena, God, I love you.. when you left... I can't explain it, it's like you took each part of yourself that made me love you, with you, you took our memories, our laughs, our "I love yous." But the worst part is, is that after you left, you took the strength I had, the strength of living, Elena.. I.. I died. I died when you left, both physically and mentally, and yes I sound like a wuss.. and I don't want you to be mad at me, but I want you to know that I love you, I have always loved you, and yes, I don't regret a single moment either, I'd do it all over again, if I could, and I wouldn't change a thing." I whisper and her breath hitches in her throat, as I see tears in her brown eyes, and I feel myself reflecting her brown eyes as I feel tears in mine.

Before she can speak, I lean down and capture her lips in mine, they feel soft against my lips, and I feel her warm arms, the one's that guided me away from nightmares, and comforted me in my darkest nights, wrap around me, and I pull her closer by her waist, and I hear her tiny heartbeat in my ears, as I think about how real this feels, and I wonder if she's actually here, and I'm not dreaming, and my heart breaks in pain, as we pull back, and she breaths heavy against me.

"Stefan, Salvatore, I love you." She confirms, as she rubs her nose with mine, and a thousand memories flood through my mind, as I hold her in my warm embrace, the lantern glowing between us.

"You're going to make it, I promise, I know it doesn't feel like it, but Stefan, let that pain in, but don't let it consume you, let it comfort you, I.. I just want you to be happy." She whispers, and I shake my head, as tears stream down our cheeks in the dark forest, the wind chilling me to the bone.

"Even if it's not with me, I want you to be happy." She states in a firm tone, and I shake my head wildly, protesting her statement, I could never find someone to be happy with, someone that lit up my life, and made me want to live again, I could never possibly love like that again.

"No, Elena.. please, say it again, please." I whisper, and I know she knows what I'm asking, I want her to say that she loves me again, that she's not letting me go again, that I'm not also dreaming this real nightmare in my conscious, she cut me so deep when she left, now I'm left with scars, my sunshine is gone, she's gone.

"I love you." She whispers, and I try to wipe her tears away, but I feel myself being woken up, a sharp pain goes through my body, as I open my green eyes, the room is blurry for a second, and I'm face to face with someone who shouldn't be here, his blue eyes are staring at me wildly, his expression is a mix between pain and relief.

"Oh my god, Stefan." Damon, my brother, says, as he stands up.

I watch him in the corner of my eye, his eyes staring at me, like he's scared to look away, scared I'll disappear again.

I'm not sure what to say, my mouth goes dry at the sight of him here, embarrassment and shame floods through my body and cheeks heat up when I think about how I got here, I had died, I know that, but now I was alive, but did I want to be? Did I care enough to live and try again? I think about my second dream, seeing Elena in the forest, how real it felt, how I could reach out and touch her, her soft lips pressed to mine, and my arms around her skinny waist, never wanting to let her go, except I did, and now I was left with no one, my anger heats up my cheeks, as I watch my brother, how pathetic he looks here, pretending to care about me, when he lied to me so easily the last time, his betrayal cut me deep, and I'm still angry about it, my eyes focus on him, as he sits there, his shirt is wrinkled and his pants are torn at the bottom, I wondered why he wasn't in his fancy suit, parading around town, surely, he must have asked dad for his job back now that I wasn't in the picture.

He doesn't say anything, just stares at me with a patient face, the same face he used to use with me when he caught me doing something bad when we were kids, and I had to confess to him, well, now I don't have to confess shit to him, what would he know about that deep pain that cuts me all the time? What would he know about being miserable, when he has the perfect life: a nice house, a loving wife, nice things, he doesn't know shit about pain, he never did. I, I always got the short end of the stick, our father blames me for most of the problems in the family, that's all I am, the black sheep, that Damon wants to fix. Well, I won't let him fix me.

"What the fuck are you staring at?" I raise an eyebrow at him, and his face kind of shrinks at my course language, but I don't care.

"I'm not a toy to be fixed, brother, if you have something to say, just say it." I spit out, and watch as he folds his hands in his lap, their pale, kind of like his face, his blue eyes stare at me nervously.

"Stefan, I thought you were dead." He says, as he sighs through his teeth, his leg bounces, another nervous habit of his, against the wooden chair.

I tilt my head in his direction, as I study him.

"I was." I say, as I look away, because memories of our mother comes back into my mind, I try to push them out, before I do something stupid like cry.

"Wh-y." He says, in a sad tone, and I don't dare look at him, because I already know his facial expression is sadness, and theirs probably some tears in his blue eyes, but I don't understand why.

I laugh quietly, not because anything was funny, but because I didn't know what else to do.

"Because, I wanted to, I have nothing anymore, Damon. I don't expect you to understand." I say, as I continue to stare at the wall, my head turned away from my grieving brother.

"But you.. had.." He starts to say, but I cut him off, when I whirl my head in his direction.

"Don't you dare say that, don't." I say again in a gruff voice, visions of the dream Damon uttering the same words: You Have Me, stick to my brain, and I clench my teeth together, and remind myself that this isn't the same, Damon left you many times, what would make any other time any different?

"Why?" He says, as his voice goes higher, I can tell he's challenging me, trying to get me to explain myself, but I won't buy into his advances of trying to get me to say my piece, as far as I was concerned this conversation was over.

"Stefan, when I saw you on the floor, I felt like.. you were dead, there was nothing I could do, and the guilt it ate at me, because I knew it was my fault, my fault that you decided to commit suicide, and I kinda felt like I failed, I failed at being your brother, I'm your brother, my leading role is to protect you, to keep you safe, and I failed at that, I'm sorry I lied, I know you won't forgive me, forgiveness as always been hard for you, but I'm willing to surrender, wave my white flag in the air, are you? Will you ever be?" He asks, and I stare into his soft eyes, as my green eyes harden, his treaty is like poison to my mouth, and I'm scared to even consider it.

"Damon, I can't.. I can't do this right now." I say, in a soft tone, as I look down at my hands, their bruised and I can still see the burn indent on my finger, from where I was burning Elena's picture and the flame touched the tip of my finger.

"Stefan.. I'm not asking you, too. I understand." He says, quickly, but then he looks at me again, as I study my hands, and I can see he's not telling me something.

"What?" I say again, looking at him.

"Stefan, I love you, even if you deny it, but..you need help." He finally says, and my hands clench as my nails dig into my palm.

What the hell would he know about needing help? I don't need help, I tried to kill myself, so what? It didn't work, but for him to say I need help, who the fuck did he think he is?

I feel anger in my bones again, as he looks at me.

"Stefan.. I know you're angry at me.. but I care about you, I do.. but I don't want you to hurt yourself again.. I couldn't bear leaving you alone at the loft.. knowing that you might think of it again.. so, the doctors told me you had two options: counseling or rehab..

"Damon, you didn't." I think quietly, as I watch him.

He shakes his head slightly, cutting me off.

"I knew you would just blow off counseling and it wouldn't help.. because you don't want to admit there's a problem, so that's fine.. but.. with rehab you could meet new people, with the same interested, they could help you, Stefan..."

My hands tighten, as I think about these two options, and I already know Damon picked rehab, it's written all over his face.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TOOK MY CHOICES AWAY FROM ME." I scream, as I lunge myself forward to hit him, but he grabs my wrist, and I blame the drugs for making me weak.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU, I HATE YOU." I yell louder, as I spit out the words, his face doesn't even show a hint of surprise and it makes me angry.

"Stefan, hey, look, they can help you!" He yells, as he wrestles with me, his fingers digging into my wrists, but it doesn't hurt, nothing will ever hurt more then this, my brother signing me off for rehab, ruining my life, I don't even have a life anymore, not if I was going into rehab, where they try to fix me, and like I said before I don't need fixing.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU." I yell again, and tears sting my eyes.

"I DON'T NEED ANY GOD DAMN HELP." I add, as I tear my hands from his wrists, my chest heaving, at all the anger flooding through me, I feel hurt, anger, betrayed, and hatred, as I watch Damon, his blue eyes widen.

"DON'T NEED ANY HELP? STEFAN YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF THAT'S NOT NORMAL." He yells, and I glare at him, my nostrils fuming, as I fight everything in me not to lunge at him again.

"I DON'T CARE OKAY, LIKE I SAID I HAVE NOTHING, NO ONE, AND NO AMOUNT OF REHAB, OR DOCTORS OR PHYSCATRISTS CAN CHANGE THAT , OKAY? I DON'T NEED YOU, I DON'T NEED ANYONE, JUST LET ME DIE, OKAY, THAT'S ALL I WANT." I yell as I spit in his direction, the spit lands on his shirt and I smile at in triumph, as he crosses his arms, probably at my childish behavior, but I'm too mad to care right now.

"YOU HAVE ME STEFAN, I TOLD YOU THAT, I KNOW YOU DON'T CARE, WHY WOULD YOU? YOU LET DRUGS CONTROL YOU FOR SO LONG, YOU LET THEM BECOME A PART OF YOU, BUT GUESS WHAT STEFAN, THEIR NOT, YOU WERE MADE FOR BETTER THINGS BROTHER, REMEMBER YOUR OLD DREAMS? REMEMEBER WHEN YOU TOLD FATHER YOU WANTED TO BE A DOCTOR? WELL NOW YOU CAN DO IT, STEFAN, THE ONLY THING STANDING IN YOUR WAY IS YOU." He screams, and I see his face turning red at my stubbornness, and I'm kind of taken back because this is the first time I've ever seen Damon scream in my entire life. I stay silent at his words.

He was right, I could go to this rehab, make another life for myself be happy, but it wouldn't be the same, I knew I'd end up fucking it up one way or another, and the pain would be too much to handle, right now I feel sick, like a hand is compressing my chest, and I can't breathe.

"Stefan, please, look at me." Damon's soft voice brings me back, and I find myself staring into his blue eyes, their filled with concern.

"You can spend your whole life wondering what went wrong or you can fix it, and I want you to fix it, brother. I want that more then anything in this world, because I love you, but I can't put you through it, you have to make this choice for yourself, and I hope you do." He whispers, as he starts to get up, and I feel so cold and alone here, my mind running through a million thoughts per minute at how right he was, and how angry I am that he did truly know me better then anyone.

I watch as he disappears from the side door, and all I see is his wrinkled white shirt, and then he is gone, and I feel like I can't breathe as I lay there, almost comatose, not caring if I lived or died at this moment, left alone to my thoughts, the thoughts that kept me awake at night, made me start to do drugs, those darkest thoughts, telling me I have nothing to live for, why would I want to live? No ones ever going to love me, the worst part is I don't think I'll find anyone to love like Elena did, her love was probably the most realest and genuine love I had felt in my entire life, it wasn't conditional, she loved me like knew me better then anyone ever has. She never gave up, even when times got rough, and yes, our relationship wasn't perfect but I would do it all over again in heartbeat to hear her voice calling my name, to feel her warm arms wrapped around me, to feel her soft lips on mine, it wasn't fair.

I couldn't do rehab for her, and expect her to take me back after, no, I had to do something for myself, and I guess rehab would be it, even though I don't want to admit that there's a problem with me, but Damon is right, it's time I got my life back on track.


	29. Chapter 29

_**Elena**_

I look around the room, as I feel my breathing increase, I was at another group session again, my third one in three weeks, I don't know why they insisted I sit through these, they didn't help me, if anything I just felt lost in them, people bragging about their progresses, saying how this rehab helped them, how they were becoming better people, and here I sit getting worse each day, my thoughts are depression and loneliness, they keep me awake at night, and I think the doctors know this, because they declared I show up at this meeting. At first I thought about faking sick, staying in my room all day, and not showing up, but after a heavy talk with the physicists he wouldn't take no for an answer. So here I am, sitting in this room full of people that are happy, and all I want to do is scream and cuss them out for their happiness. I scowl and watch as the third person sits down, after giving a moving testament on how drugs were bad, but he got out and changed his life, and part of me thinks about the man, I tried to block out of my mind everyday, Stefan.

What was he doing? Was he still alive? Was he off being a doctor somewhere or even an intern?

I bite my lip gently, and run my fingers through my hair, the pain passes through me making me sick.

"Elena?" I hear the counselor, I think she said her name was Susan speak up, she looks at me, her blue eyes watching me.

"Oh, hm. Yeah." I say quietly, as I stop from running my fingers through my hair, praying that she didn't notice how on edge I was, just now.

"Would you like to share with the group?" She asks, and I smile a little, not because I'm happy, no, I'm far from happy, but because I feel like this whole thing is ridiculous.

I shake my head silently.

No, I didn't want to talk about my underlying pain, the pain that is with most days, the pain of losing my child, the fact that I will always be a disappointment to him now, the fact that he barely registered me when I left my home for this place. That pain cuts me so deep, I feel as if I can't breathe at times. I didn't want to talk about the fact that I dreamed about a drug dealer who is as tortured as I, every night, that his smooth words in my dreams were enough for me not to go insane, that I feel him in my sleep, my heart wrenches in pain at where we are now. Strangers, like we first met. And to this day what I feel for him is the realest thing I felt in my entire life.

I didn't want to talk about this, not to strangers I barely know.

I'd prefer to sit down and listen to people better then be rant about their lives.

"But you haven't said anything in the past three weeks you've came here." She points out, and I grimace slightly, as I fold my hands in my lap, I want to yell at her and tell her that I wasn't meant for these things, that sharing these problems with strangers didn't make them go away.

I clear my throat, and stare into her blue eyes, feeling a low sensation of nervousness settle in my stomach.

"I don't want to share, today." I say simply, but she clicks her disapproving tongue at me, and the hands that were folded on my lap, ball into fists on my lap, I didn't like the way she was treating me. I didn't have to share if I didn't want to, and I don't.

A couple of people look at me, and I fake a smile, mumbling something about gratitude of respecting my choice, and Susan dismisses the group, early, and I fear she wants to talk to me, and my suspensions are right, as I start to stand up but she tells me to take a seat.

I take a seat and pout lightly, pulling on the sleeves of my sweater, a distance memory comes to my mind as I remember my son did this too when he got nervous.

I stare at her as she sits next to me, her blue eyes filled with concern.

"If you want to vent, I'm here, Elena." She says, and I look down to realize my hands are shaking slightly, I swallow my spit and quickly shake my head, looking away, I feel tears spring into my eyes, It wasn't fair that she talked to me like this, she was a nice women, but I just didn't feel like letting all my emotions out now, I didn't have time to think about this pain.

"I'm just tired." I lie through my teeth, and I know she doesn't believe me but she lets me go, and I sigh in relief as I run my fingers through my unwashed hair, I look like scum and I know it, but I don't care, my ex-husband isn't here to see me, my son isn't here either, he can't even call me until next week, and I'm not even expecting a phone call from him.

And that hurts.

Susan gets up and leaves me all alone, and I look around the empty room, finally being able to breathe again.

I pick up the self help book they gave me at the beginning of the session and tuck it in my arm, walking out the door, I hear the hoops and hollers outside from the basketball court as I walk past the door that leads to the outside gym in this facility, I'm just about to pass the door when I get this tingle in my spine, as I look up, there I see Stefan, shirtless, leaning against the door, his body isn't as big as I remembered, he must have been working out, I look down his chest to see the sweat dripping down it, my mouth goes dry, as he wipes a towel over his face, his red tank top lifting up a little, and I resist the urge to stare at him, as he sets the towel down, some guys come out of nowhere and touch him on the back, telling him he did great in the scrimmage, he grins widely, and looks around, suddenly, his eyes land on mine, and I see his body tense up, my eyes set on his green ones, neither of us looking away, scared if we do, the other will disappear. A million moments come rushing back to me as I stare into his forest green eyes, they look so wide and innocent, as I begin to walk towards him, I'm not sure what I'm doing but my brain is telling my body to move faster and soon I'm running, running across the hall and awaiting his solid arms to wrap around me, and keep me safe, I hoped he wasn't still mad at me, that we could work this out, because in this moment I realized I missed him a lot more then I thought. He catches me in his arms, and I shriek as he lifts me up, my legs wrapping around his strong torso as he holds me to him, my heart beating out of my chest as I hold onto his neck with my skinny arms, I feel his hands on my back, and we're swinging back and forth.

"What are you doing here?" I can hear his voice and it sounds like he's smiling against the hem of my t-shirt, his breath beats down my neck, and I shiver lightly. He sets me down, and I can't help but smile at him, and he smiles back at me, his green eyes shining with joy.


	30. Chapter 30

**(A/N: Got youu)**

"What are you doing here?" I can hear his voice and it sounds like he's smiling against the hem of my t-shirt, his breath beats down my neck, and I shiver lightly. He sets me down, and I can't help but smile at him, and he smiles back at me, his green eyes shining with joy.

We sit on the bench as we catch up, we start with small talk, but then his eyes become guarded and I find myself looking away, not sure if he wants to hear my secrets since I did it to myself, but he touches my hand lightly, and I find myself staring back into his green eyes like before.

"Elena.. I'm so sorry about.. everything I did to you, how.. I treated you that night.. it makes me sick just to think about it. But, I want you to know I'm here now, you don't have to hide from me." He whispers softly, as he rubs my knuckle with his thumb, shivers send down my spine, as I look up at his patient face, it's filled with concern at my lips tremble a little bit at the thought of him wanting to know my secrets. And as far as the night went, I forgave him.

"Can we..go somewhere a little more private?" I look out and see people walking by, and I didn't want them to hear what I've been doing for this whole month.

"Sure." He says, as he gets up, and I grab his warm hand in mine, enjoying the comfort he was providing.

"My room is free if you wanna go back there?" He asks, and I gulp a little, I knew nothing would happen, but I wasn't lying if I thought about how good he looked now that he was staring right at me, his veins from his muscles popping out as he intertwines our fingers.  
We get back to his room and notice how sweaty he looks from playing the game at the gym with his friends, he also looks really uncomfortable in his damp shirt, and as I sit on the bed, I watch him with my eyes, he looks over at me, and grins small, as he goes to his fridge.

"You want a water?" He asks me, his head halfway in the mini fridge, I bite my lip, as I watch his long legs leaning down, this wasn't going to be easy, to be alone with him like this again.

"Uh, sure." I say, trying to make my voice bright, and he tosses me a water bottle.

He proceeds to sit next to me on the bed, and I move a little away from him, because his sweat is dripping down his legs, and memories of that night flash back into my mind.

"I'm all sweaty." I giggle as I attempt to get off the bed, but Stefan's strong arms wrap around me, pulling me back.

"I don't care." He whispers against the my arm as he kisses up it, and my breathing gets heavy, as he bites my shoulder lightly, my eyes closed, making me moan lightly.

"Hey, Elena, you okay?" He asks, jumping me out of my thoughts, and I realize that my thumb nail is in my mouth and I'm chewing on it lightly.

"Uh yeah, sorry." I say, as I shake my head, and then I look at him.

"Um why don't you go shower?" I ask, noticing his discomfort as his sweaty clothes cling to his nice body, my eyes drift back up to his, and he nods lightly, with his handsome face, as patient as ever, I think he'd wait for me to talk all night if it came down to it.

"Yeah, sure. Uh feel free to watch some cartoons or something." He says, as he gets up from the bed, and I watch as he disappears with a red towel, closing the white bathroom door.

I sigh in relief, closing my eyes as I lay down on his pillow, I smile his sweet scent, at least he was gone now, and not torturing me. I sigh deep as I hear the shower running, and my fingers run through my greasy brown hair again, I needed a shower, Stefan was in the shower.. No, I couldn't do that to him, I scold my mind at even thinking to sneak into the shower with him, he wouldn't want to, he still feels bad about our sexual experience that night. That night he treated me rough..and I found myself enjoying it, more then not liking it. I shake these thoughts of my head, I did miss him though, I even resorted into having sex dreams about him..

I sigh deeply, as I begin to peel off my gray sweater, I remember what he told me that night I came over.. "Don't think, just feel." I smile softly, as I kick off my pants, and soon I'm left naked as I slide off his bed, my hips swaying back and forth as I enter the unlocked bathroom, it's small, and there's a glass shower in the corner, I see the outline of Stefan's body, it's hot, and I begin to sweat in the room, as steam fills the mirror, and fogs up his image, I open the shower door, and he jumps surprised, his dirty blond hair wet, as his green eyes slowly scan my body and then up to my face.

Don't think just feel his words echo in mind again, and that's exactly what I was going to do.

I close the shower door, and it makes a small bang as it closes shut, he's still staring at me, his face is full of confusion, as I stand before him, naked, running a hand along my dirty hair.

His breathing becomes heavy as he stares at me, and our breaths mix in the glass shower, the way he's staring at me makes me feel sexy, as I tilt my head to meet his eyes again, I bite my lip gently.

He swallows his spit, nervously as he walks towards me, slowly, and I feel an ache between my thighs as he cups my face in his hand, the water from his hands dripping down my face, his green eyes stare intently into mine, studying them, before he leans closer, it's almost like he's lost in me, that I'm making him fight his conscious, I almost want to tell him to kiss me like I did that night I left, but I decide against it, it's his choice if he wants to kiss me or not, my breath stops in my throat a little as I stare at him, his closes his eyes a little, and I close mine, as I feel his wet lips brush against mine, a tingle starts in my toes, as he pulls me closer, and I wrap my arms around his neck, he pulls us to the shower head, because I'm shivering and the water sprays down on us, making me warm, it's almost reminds me of the night I didn't want to leave him, and I feel a joy in my heart, realizing that we found a way back to each other like I said.

He pulls back, breathless, his green eyes looking into my eyes again, as I pant lightly, from the intense kiss. He pushes our lips together again and again until our tongues collide and I'm panting for breath as he steals my air, our hallow teeth knocking together, as the water sprays down from above on us, his hands reach down and cup my ass, and a primal growl escapes his lips, as I moan low into the kiss, he pushes me up against the shower wall and I cry out loud, closing my eyes, as my fingers tug into his hair, the head of his penis sliding into me, as I feel dizzy from the sudden friction.

"Elena." He groans low, as his teeth scrap against my neck, and he's pushing in and out of me, my core pulsing around his penis, his hips jerking forward into mine, as we become one again.

I scratch as his back with my nails, whimpers flee from my lips, as I hold him close, gently rocking my hips into his, it feels so damn good, as he pushes into me, his hands entangled in my brown hair as he yanks on it, causing my head to jerk, but he bites into my neck not in a harsh way but a loving way, and tingles explode from my spine, when I realize I'm so close, the heat from the room and the pleasure he was giving to me was making my head spin.

Before I know it I feel the familiar build up in my stomach, as I ride out my orgasm with him, my body convulsing, the delicious feeling of pleasure doesn't disappear as he jerks his hips into mine.

I throw my head back as I feel him explode inside of me, my nails still dug into his back, we stop moving, and I'm leaning against his chest, his heart beat rapid against my ear, as I slide off him, my legs hit the floor hard, and he catches me in his arms, his heavy breath in my ear.

I smile secretly against his chest, as he releases me from his arms, his heart beat still heavy against my chest.

I look up into his green eyes and he's smiling down at me, and it's a nice smile this time, and it makes me shiver.

Suddenly I bolt up to a warm touch on my shoulder, and take my pinky out of my mouth.

"Hey, you okay?" Stefan asks, his green eyes concerned, and his eyebrows furrowed.

"Uh yeah!" I say, as I sit up, and realize that I had dreamed this whole thing in my head, I sigh deeply, staring at him, he's wrapped in a red towel, as the water drips down his impressive six pack.

"Okay, just checking." He says, as he grabs his shorts and t-shirt, he closes the door and I sigh deeply, flinging myself back on the bed.


	31. Chapter 31

I run my fingers through my hair, catching my breath, that dream felt so real, and now it was just a delusion. I sigh deeply, as I watch Stefan come out of the bathroom, his hair wet, and his green eyes watch me, as I lay down on the bed, I look at him, he looks refreshed but still tired, he's dressed in a gray sweater and gray sweatpants. His cheeks are flushed as he sits down on the bed next to me, his expression is unreadable and I suddenly feel sick to my stomach for dreaming about him like this, it was clear to me it he was still as messed up as I, I wonder what he was doing here, if it was his choice to finally get his life back together? I wonder if he had sleepless nights like me, nights he tugged his hair, and layed in bed restless, hoping that tomorrow would be better? I wonder if he cried, and wanted to scream, and if he sat through the progress group meetings with no hope of recovery?

I hear him clear his throat, and I sit up, leaning back against the wooden head board.

I don't look at him, scared to watch his pink lips ask the dying question we're both wondering.

What are we doing here?

We sit in silence for what seems for an eternity and then I hear his quiet voice begin to speak.

"So, what are you doing here?" He asks, and I cringe at the question, even though I knew it was coming.

I take a deep breath, thinking of ways to filter the words that were going to eventually come out of my mouth, Stefan stares at me with his patient green eyes, his face relaxed, waiting for me to get it out.

"Well, it started.. the night I left, actually, Matt.. he was closing the investigation and he found your wallet in the evidence locker, I guess they didn't give it back to you, or you forgot to grab it.. but.. the picture was in there. You know the one you wanted to keep in your wallet, to always think of me?

I ask him, staring into his green eyes, he blinks twice, as if he's reliving in old memory, because I see a hint of a smile on his face, and it makes me feel warm inside, but as it fades, I find my stomach drop, as I lean my head against the headboard a little, closing my eyes, I can barely look at him, because everything is still so broken, and I don't know where I stand with him, anymore.

"Anyways.. he found that." I say in a quiet voice, as I feel tears make an appearance in my brown eyes, but I keep them squeezed tight, not wanting him to touch me, or even see that I'm crying slowly behind my eyelids.

"And then what happened?" I hear his gentle voice break my thoughts, as goosebumps go onto my arms. And I can just imagine his face twisted into confusion, and his green eyes watching me with concern.

"He gave me a choice..." I start to say, as I feel the tears flow slowly down my cheeks, I hear Stefan's short breath, but I don't meet his eyes, keeping my eyes shut.

"He said.. rehab or pack all your stuff and leave, and the worst part is.. I didn't even consider rehab at first, and then I saw my son, standing at the doorway, his face full of hurt and confusion, and through my t-ears." I choke back a sob, but Stefan doesn't go to comfort me and I'm grateful for that, right now.

"I decided that, this is where I'm going, to rehab, but I don't feel better, Stefan. I feel.. broken, like I can't be fixed, and then.. when I saw you this morning, I can't explain it.. I felt something, something that I hadn't felt in a long time, I felt hope." I say quietly, as I finally open my eyes to look at him, my breath leaves my throat as I see him sitting there, he's crying too, tears falling down his green eyes, and for a second I've think I've upset him, and I feel guilty, but as he grabs my face gently, with his rough hands, and forces me to look at him, my eyes meet his, and he gently brushes my tears with his rough thumb. I close my eyes but he tilts my head up. My hands find his wrists and hold them, as we look at each other.

I gently reach up with my finger, and brush a stray tear from his face away, he leans into my touch, his lips touching my cheek, and it sends shivers down my spine.

After a minute I speak up: "Why are you here?" I ask, searching his eyes, they seem downcast a little, as he looks at me, he's hiding something, I can tell, as I hold onto his wrist, his heartbeat seems to quicken against my palm. He swallows the lump in his throat, and I lean closer to him, feeling his warm body pulsing against mine.

"Come on Stefan, you can tell me, you can tell me anything, no matter what it is, I promise not to judge." I whisper, and I see another hint of a smile on his face, but I can't tell if it's genuine or not, and that upsets me a little, I continue to caress his cheek, as he closes his eyes.

His face twisted into pain, and I feel sick to my stomach as I watch him silently fight his demons, whatever was on his mind, it seemed heavy, and I just wanted to help him, and I begin to feel like I did that one night, the night he sat on the roof, the night he had the nightmare that I woke him up from, the night that I felt so helpless in aid for his pain.

Finally he speaks up, and I wait with my stoic face for him to tell me what has put him here.

"I... I killed myself." He says slowly, and my heart jumps a little at this news, my hands begin to shake under his firm grasp, my eyes shedding fresh tears at this news, and I watch as he lets go of me, getting off the bed, trying to protect me, and it makes me angry, as I fold my hands on his lap, not even thinking about the correct answer as to why he would attempt to.. and I look up at him, he's standing up, his hands against the table, and he's breathing heavy, and I recognize these symptoms, he's having a panic attack, I stand up from the bed also, but I'm unable to speak, as I watch his fist bang the table, he groans in pain, but doesn't stop, and I feel myself frozen in time as his confession makes my body freeze, he tried to kill himself, but why?, why would he even attempt it? I watch him, and suddenly, I realize his fist is bleeding, and he tries to cover it up, but refuses to look at me, to even see if I'm watching, and I feel the tears stream down my cheek, as I rush to him, finally, regaining control of my body, my breathing becomes heavy, as I try to take his hand, but he pushes me back, but I'm determined to grab his bleeding hand, my eyes burn from the tears, as he refuses to show his face.

Finally, he lets me grab his hand, and I notice a few splinters sticking out from it, my heart drops to my stomach, as I see the scars on his wrist next to his tracks, he was punishing himself.

"Stefan.. look at me!" I yell, but he groans, and shakes his head, holding his hair with his other hand, and I let go of his bloody hand, as I turn him to face me, it's a struggle, but he lets me, tears streaming down his pale face.

"I'm sorry.. Elena.. I'm so fucking sick...I t-tried to kill myself" He yells at me, but I don't back away, as he gestures toward his bloody hand, but I ignore it, he's shaking, and I gently cup his face, he's in mid-panic attack, but he attempts to look at me.

"Stefan, look at me! You're okay! Okay? You're okay. I don't care if you're messed up, Stefan, we all are in someway, I'm even more messed up then you, I promise."

I say with a shaky breath, as he shakes under my hands, and I feel myself shaking, and I curse myself to pull myself together, I needed to be strong for him.

"No, you're not.. I'm so.. " He starts to say, as his breathing increases again and I feel his heart beating out of his chest as he attempts to hit himself in the head with his fist, but I stop him, grabbing his bloody hand gently in mine.

"Stefan, hey!" I say again, in a firm voice, as I pulls his face towards me, his red lips trembling, as he looks into my eyes.

"You can fight this!" I yell, and he green eyes widen, finally noticing that I am there, his vision must be clearer, because his pupils dilate.

His breathing become less of a panic, as he looks at me, and then at his bloody hand, and my eyes don't leave his, as I gently tug his palm to my face, making it touch my cheek, showing him that I didn't care that he just did this, but I'm here to support him, to help him, if he wanted it, I grab onto his hand gently, closing my eyes, he's less shaky now, but I hear a gurgle in his throat, as if he's trying to hold back more tears and makes me feel sick to my stomach, but I continue to hold him close, finally I open my eyes, and I see he's calmed down enough, I smile softly in his direction, for engorgement, and his green eyes light up a little, as he uses his fingers to brush away my tears again, and I feel a heat deep in my stomach.

"Why... why did you do that.. why did you stop my panic attack you could of easily left me alone.." He whispers, gulping a little.

I continue to smile softly, as I continue to hold his bloody hand to my face, not caring if his blood was on my cheek or not, I feel it's swollen too, a little.

I stare at him deeply, as I answer his question, he shivers lightly at my intense look but keeps his questioning green eyes on mine.

"Because, Stefan, if you're in hell, I'm in hell." I whisper softly.

His face relaxes from his previous pensive expression, his green eyes watching me, but I can see there's something in his expression that he's hiding from me, as I stare up at him.

"What is it?" I wonder out loud, as he shakes his head, almost as if he's in disbelief of my previous statement.

"How.. how could you want to suffer with me, Elena? I just.. I just punched a table, you just saw me punch that table. I notice he's shaking slightly, his hands in fists at his sides, his breathing heavy, as he avoids my eye contact.

I gently grab his good hand, it stops shaking slightly, as I hold it.

"Stefan.. I would do anything for you, if I could I'd take all the pain away, every ounce of the guilt you harbor in yourself, the self hate that rests in your kind soul, the insecurities you face, I would take it all away, until you feel whole again, I would endure that for you." I say softly, as I hold his hand in mine, his heartbeat is fast against his sweaty palm.

He gulps lightly, his forehead breaking out into a small sweat, but he squeezes my hand lightly, it makes me smile.

"And.. why? Why would you do that, Elena?" He asks, tilting his green eyes at me, his expression is a mix between relief and disbelief.

I feel myself gasp lightly, at his doubt in this, as if I had stopped loving him from the time we were apart, part of me sadness at this, but part of me is angry, I told him I was betting on us, I told him before I left, and I still am.

"Because.. I love you, Stefan." I whisper, and he expression is pained as he looks at me, as if he can't believe any part of me would still love him, and it makes me sad more then anything else.

I move my hand away from his, and cup his soft cheek, my fingers brushing against his cheek.

"Is that so hard to believe?" I whisper, as I lean in.

He's silent for a moment, as he takes time to reflect on my words, but his face doesn't change from the pain, I continue to brush my fingers against the growing stubble on his cheek, remembering simple times, when we had each other and we weren't so messed up like right now.

"I love you." He whispers, as he comes into me, and I wrap my long arms around his shaking body, holding him there, with my hands in his brown hair.

I close my eyes for a second, relieved I got him to stop his panic attack, and that he's not shaking anymore in my warm embrace, and the fact that all this time we spent apart, each battling our demons, he still loved me, I smile softly, as I casually stroke his hair with my fingertips.

"I love you so much." He whispers again, and I open my eyes, as I hold him there, his warm breath on my shoulder.

"You let the guilt consume you, Stefan. It doesn't have to, you don't have to live like this anymore, let it out, all the pain, frustration, anger, I'm here, I'll be your punching bag, I don't want to see you torture yourself like this, anymore." I whisper, still stroking his hair, comforting him.

"I don't know what to do Elena, I'm lost.. I've been lost for a long time, I'm trying to cure myself, become a better man, and you're right I carry so much pain and guilt with me, it shouldn't be this way, but how do I get rid of it, how do I help myself?" He asks with a strained voice against my shoulder, and for a second I consider the answer, because I'm the same way, I feel so numb, so destroyed, but then when I saw Stefan, I saw that light of hope again, he helped me, and that's what I was vowing to do for him, we'll figure it out, together.

"We'll figure it out together, Stefan." I whisper, as I pull back and see tears in the corner of his green eyes, but as he looks down at me, he grins a little and it makes me feel good.

I suddenly remember his bleeding hand, and I grab it lightly, raising it, as I inspect it with my brown eyes, it's still a little swollen but it looks better then it did an hour ago.

"We have to put some ice on this." I say, and he nods slowly, as I lead him to the bed, and he sits down, as I sit next to him, leaning over and reaching into the mini fridge, I find a bottle of water that's ice cold, and I grab it, turning back to him, his green eyes study me, curious, as he sits on the bed, I grab his wrist gently, he winces.

"Relax." I chide him softly, as I pull his wrist, gently touching his hand, he grunts loudly, as I place the water bottle on his bruised hand, I grab his knee, stroking it softly, so that he would relax, and slowly he does, but I keep the iced water bottle to his hand, watching as his face eases from the pain.

I watch him curious, wondering what possessed him, what drove him, to such a fateful end? That he thought he had to kill himself, that, it was the only option? I feel a sadness in my being as I watch him, he keeps his green eyes focused on the ground.

I'm almost scared to ask, scared that it will just make him sad, I know it's a sore subject, I know that he probably didn't want to relive that night, but I can't help how curious I am, and before I can think, I ask the question I've been wanting to ask all night.

"Stefan, why did you kill yourself?"


	32. Chapter 32

**Stefan**

My eyes snap up to meet her brown ones, their filled with sadness, and a little pain, at the question she just asked. I can't help my breathing, it becomes restless, as she holds my hand, pressing the ice against it, it feels good, it feels like a breath of fresh air, but there she goes again, taking my pure air away again.

I almost don't want to answer, but I know I have to, she deserves an explanation of my behavior that night.

But how did I explain that I felt so numb and alone? And worthless. She had just left me, my ray of sunshine left me and took all the memories we had with her, my brother was no longer talking to me, wasn't even trying to reach out to me, you were long gone, and I felt so empty, it was like a thousand goodbyes in one when you left.

She stares at me, patiently waiting for me to start my explanation.

"I lost myself, Elena, when you left, that little part of me that was getting better, the part that you fixed and helped me fix, it was gone. I had nothing left, I was empty, I even had a dream.. I got to say the words I felt, when I woke up from death, I don't think you realize how much I loved you, or how much you meant to me when we were together, how much of an positive influence you had on me. I say softly, and I see her look down.

"I'm so sorry." She whispers, as I watch her tears fall onto the bed, she refuses to look up at me, and that hurts the most.

"I drove you to suicide." She exclaims, helpless, as the tears fall down her cheeks, but I quickly protest that idea of out her head.

"No, it's not your fault, Elena, no." I say over and over again but she shakes her head, crying, her hands shaking, as she moves away from my advances to her.

"Elena, please." I whisper, as I step closer to her, her hands are shaking over her face, as she refuses to look at me, her warmth radiates into my being, and I watch as she puts her hands over her tear streaked face, I gently lift her face up into my hands, and she stares at me, sniffling, her tears falling.

"None, none of this is your fault, Elena, I promise." I whisper, and she starts to shake her head, and I think of ways I can show her that I love her, still, that she's the most important thing to ever happen to me. Her lip trembles a little bit, and I lean down to kiss her, my lips molding over hers, perfectly, my head is spinning but I don't pull up for air, until she kisses me back, her hands on the side of my chin, rubbing my stubble with her long fingers, shivers shoot down my spine, as I feel a flutter in my heart, as I pull her closer, we stare into each others eyes, and she looks at me, while her hand slowly drifts down to the end of her gray pull over, I watch as she takes it off, her abs flexing as she pulls the shirt over her head, leaving her in a black bra, I bite my lip, and hold her tenderly by the waist, my hand smooths back her brown hair out of her face, as I lean down to kiss her again, holding her thin waist. She kisses me back, her arms fitting around my neck, as she pulls me closer, all I can smell is her sweet scent, and I it makes me think about the first time we made love, how innocent and sweet it was.

I lay her back gently on the bed, her hands grab for the end of my thin t-shirt, and I let her pull it up, till it's over my head, and she stares down at me, her brown eyes devouring me in one look. I lean down and kiss her again, her legs wrap around my waist, as I dive my tongue into her mouth, kissing her harder, my hands pressed on either side of her head, as she moans low, her tongue colliding with mine.

My eyes stay closed as I feel my way down the soft skin of her stomach, tugging off her sweat pants, I pull back, panting, as my lips connect with her neck, it's hot against my tongue as I bite into her sweet spot, I feel her shudder underneath me, her low panting in my ear, as her fingers shift through my shaggy hair.

I blow on the spot I just sucked, and she moans into my ear, the sound makes my blood travel south, as I realize I'm hard against her, she rocks into me, and I groan low, as her hands pull down my shorts, I feel my heart beating out of my chest as I kiss her again, my hands caressing her sides, I slowly pull down her black panties, my mouth latches onto her hot skin below her belly button, and her legs automatically spread for me, and I catch the sweet scent of her core, and it makes my head pound lightly, as I lean down and lick a long strip of her slit, she hips buck against my face, and I hold her down by her ankles, spreading her wider, as my tongue dives in between her folds faster and faster, until she's panting on the bed, my name is on her lips like a prayer, and she wraps her legs around my head, begging me not to stop, and I know when I brush against her swollen clit with my nose, she comes hard, sighing in relief, her legs shaking underneath me, and I gently let her go, she's shaking on the bed, her eyes on mine, and I lean over her, as she pulls down my boxers.

I push into her, and she takes me, her face relaxing, as I begin to rock up back and forth hard, her moans echo off the walls, as I gently lean behind her with my fingers, unsnapping her bra, it falls down on the bed, and my mouth immediately secures onto her nipple, sucking on it, as she moans beneath me, her eyes never leave mine, as I push in and out of her, she feels so damn good and tight, and I groan when she purrs into my ear, her hair tickling my nose, as I unlatch her nipple from my mouth, I kiss between her breasts, pushing in and out, and I almost yell when I feel the pulsing of her core around me, I know she's close, and she begs me to hurry up, her cheeks flushed red, as she moves against me, and I silence her with a kiss, kicking up my speed, the bed is shaking beneath us, and I moan low down her throat, her eyes roll back into her head, and I know she's going to come soon, but then I feel her hand over mine, and she intertwines our fingers, and I hold onto her tight, telling her that's she's was my rock in all of this, that I will always love her, and we're one now.

I see her eyes roll back into her head, and I know she just comed, because I feel it, it drips down my leg, and that's when I lose it, exploding inside of her, my head falls on her chest, breathing heavily and she runs her fingers through my hair, her breathing fills my ear.

"Oh my god." She exclaims loud, as she lays there, stroking my hair, and I nod my head yes, gently kissing her chest, and she giggles, it's like music to my ears.

"I love you." I say breathless, as I lift my head up to look at her, and she nods, smiling softly at me, and I get off her, as I lay next to her, my head hits the pillow and she instantly cuddles in my chest, her hair tickling it, and I run my fingers through it, smiling, I feel brand new, like I was never broken, with her in my arms.

She smiles up at me, our hands still intertwined, and I lean down to peck her lips, she accepts my innocent kiss, and smiles up at me, when I pull back.

I put the covers over us, closing my eyes.


	33. Chapter 33

**Epilogue**

I gently groan, Elena's long hair is in my face, and I smooth it out, opening my eyes, it was a brand new day, a new start, and I smile softly, as I set Elena on the bed, careful not to wake her up. I grab my clothes from the drawer, and change in the bathroom, brushing my teeth and hair, I yawn lightly as I exit the bathroom and see Elena, my wife we were married sleeping on the bed, she looks so at peace, and I smile as I walk barefoot out of the room. I was only up early because I had an early class on CPR, that's right, I had gotten my life together, finally, Elena and I found our way back to each other, and we even had something to count for it: A son.

I smile and walk to my son's room, he's sitting on the floor, curly dirty blonde hair in his hazel eyes, as he plays with his trucks, making tiny "broom" noises, his face in full concentration, and then he looks up at his face lights up at the sight of his father leaning in the doorway.

"Good morning buddy." I say gently, and he screams daddy! And runs over to me, his chubby toddler legs running as fast as they can, as I swoop him up in my arms, giving him a little kiss on the side of his head. I love my son, so much, and after years of convincing myself that I deserved a kid, and then he was born, and I find myself learning new things about myself as I raise him, Elena knows he makes me happy, and she's happy to have him too, Jackson even comes over sometimes, and plays with him.

She hasn't gotten full custody back, but she's okay with letting Jackson come over once in awhile, I knew she missed him all through out rehab, and now I understood the pain in her eyes, because I don't think I could live without my son.

"Mason." I laugh, as I spin him around, and he giggles softly, holding onto my shoulders, I finally set him down, and he falls on his diapered butt, and I laugh softly, as I ruffle his hair.

"Let's go get breakfast before daddy has school, okay?" I ask him, and he giggles quietly, and takes my large hand in his.

"Daddy can we have cereal?" He asks, and I nod my head, grinning as we walk down the stairs of our home, Damon and I had built it together, from scratch, I found the old sketch I had in my notebook from high school ,and I told Damon about it and he agreed, he and Bonnie love Mason, and always come over in the afternoons, I keep teasing Damon to get a kid of his own, and he always says in time. But I know he's really happy for me, and I'm happy for myself too, I thank God for Damon every day, for helping me in my darkest hour, for signing me up for a better life, from pulling me back from death, when I had no one, for believing in me when I thought no one else would. I love my brother, dearly, he's my best friend.

Mason drags me down the stairs, and I get to the kitchen, setting him down on his chair, he grins at me, as I turn on his favorite cartoons, I grab a bowl and pour two amounts of cereal in there.

I hear Elena's yawn from the walkway, and I smile as she enters the kitchen, I hand her a cup of coffee, and she raises it to me, grateful, as she takes her first sip, she looks so beautiful standing there in her robe, her hair pulled back into a low bun, as she looks out the window, admiring the sunrise.

I come up behind her and wrap my arms around her thin waist, I knew she had to be at the school soon, she started teaching kindergarten at Jackson's school and she loved it, as far as I could tell, she smiles, holding my strong arms with one hand, as she leans back into me, she smells like lemons, and I love it.

"What are you thinking about?" I whisper, kissing the side of her face, and she bites her lip, gently.

"How amazing our life is." She answers truthfully, and I smile, my green eyes glance at Mason, he's glued to the tv, as he sits, eating his cheerios with his spoon, I smile, kissing her neck gently, her heart beat picks up a little.

"It sure is." I whisper, and suddenly the phone rings and we both groan, as I let go of her, going to answer it.

"Hello?" I ask, as I check the time, I had ten minuets until my first shift.

"Stefan!" My brothers voice says, and I smile, taking a sip of coffee from my mug.

"Hey Damon." I laugh, as run a hand down on my short brown hair, Damon had been away for a week on business, and I guess now he was back.

"Hey, yourself." He jokes lightly, and I smile, as I sit down on the couch.

"How was your trip?" I ask.

"It was fine but I gotta say there's no place like home." He says, and I nod in agreement,smiling.

We make plans to meet up on Sunday to catch up, and I hang up the phone, smiling.

"Damon?" Elena asks, smiling at me, and I nod my head, as I look at my watch.

"Shoot, gotta go babe." I say, as I give her quick peck, but she pulls me closer by my blue tie, and I groan low, deepening the kiss, my hands on her waist, and she smiles into the kiss, letting go of my tie, I missed her, working all these shifts at the hospital was cutting into my family time.

"I'll be back." I promise, and she nods her head, touching my face gently.

"I love you." She whispers, and I smile down at her, kissing her forehead lightly.

"Love you too." I whisper back, as I pull away, and grab my son, lifting him up, he giggles lightly, as I blow on his tummy, and I watch Elena sip her coffee and smile at us.

"Bye buddy. I'll see you soon." I kiss him on his nose, and he waves bye to me, as I grab my briefcase off the table, I bid my family one last goodbye and get in the car.

Damn was I the luckiest man on earth

Sunday comes too soon, and once Elena has calmed down from the weekend's activities, she sits with Bonnie in the house, talking, Jackson and Mason's laughter is heard in the distance and it makes me smile.

Damon and I sit on the porch on the swing, each swigging a beer, he goes on to tell me about business, and I nod my head, listening to him patiently, soon we're just talking and drinking, neither a care in the world, when suddenly he stares at me, deeply, his blue eyes shining into mine.

"I'm really proud of you, brother." He whispers, and I shake my head, laughing lightly, taking another swig of beer.

"I'm serious! Look how good you're doing, Stefan. You never thought you would have these things, and you do, and I'm happy for you." He states in a serious tone, and I smile softly at him.

"Damon.. I only have these things because of you, because you pushed me, you believed in me, when no one else would, you inspired me, you've always been my hero, quiet honestly, when mother died.. it was the hardest time in my life for me, but we got through didn't we?" I ask, and he nods slow, taking in my words, I see the beginning of tears in his blue eyes.

"I'm glad you feel this way, Stefan. We've come so far." He says, as he takes another swig of beer, and I raise my beer in agreement.

"We have. Did you know that you were the one that brought me back?" I whisper, and he peers at me, curiously, his face softens at my expression.

"When I died.. I was in heaven.. it was beautiful Damon, it was the soccer field we used to play on when we were kids, I even had your cruddy uniform on." I laugh, at the distant memory, he still stares at me curious of the story.

"Anyways, I saw mother, like really saw her, her red dress she used to wear on Sundays, her red lips, her gorgeous black curls, her blue eyes were staring deep into mine, and she asked me if I was ready to join her, and you know what I said, I said yes. I was. Because I had no one, I thought I was alone, and then you, you came out of nowhere, and pulled me back, when I started to go towards the light, you pulled me back, Damon, and no matter what I do, I cannot thank you enough for it, every day." I whisper, and I see the tears gently fall from Damon's blue eyes.

He's speechless at first, but then he gently wraps me in a hug, and we cry for what seems like two minutes, but it feels nice and comforting to be in my brother's arms like this, and I'm glad I finally got out the words I wanted him to know.

"I love you, brother." He whispers softly, and I sniffle lightly.

"I love you too." I say, as he lets me go, and Jackson and Mason run up to us, their faces are all sweaty, and I swoop up Mason, holding him close, he smiles at me, and then at Damon who ruffles his hair.

Although, I had such a tough life, God has blessed me with so much love, and that's how I know everything is going to be alright as long as I have my brother, my wife, my child.


End file.
